Careful word after word,
Painstaking sentence after sentence,
Flourishing page after page,
I try to make sense of what you were.
The leaves cover the pits of memory.
The wax trickles into the hollow hopes.
The ink always flows over the broken record.
The same old story.
The same old sentiment.
The same old questions :
Was it real?
Was it true?
Was it divin?
There’s a mansion over a cliff.
There’s a hall in the mansion.
There’s a box in that hall.
A music box that plays the same tune forever.
I never go there.
I hardly go there.
I seldom go there.
But I still linger in that wide white hall...
For you,
For me,
For us.
There I can collect mementos that only mean something to me.
Feathers, white as snow.
Songs, in foreign languages.
Rocks, from different valleys.
They all tell the same story.
There can never be enough words.
There can never be enough colors,
There can never be enough notes.
To describe what cannot be described.
I keep on telling you that.
You keep on driffiting.
I sing you into existence.
I hope you into flesh.
I write you into posterity.
You kept on telling me I didn’t know you.
I kept on swearing that I knew you since before time.
To express what cannot be expressed;
I dance each and every meeting we shared.
I paint every touch we didn’t share.
I carve every hope we could have shared.
If only,
If only,
If only.
Listen,
The song is playing again.
Listen,
It doesn’t mater if you don’t understand.
Listen,
Only your heart can catch the meaning.
Did you ever let your heart listen?
Did you ever let your soul listen?
Did you ever let your whole being listen?
Sometimes I wish I didn’t know about
Your frailty
Your insecurities
Your delicate ego.
You thought you escaped before I could see
Clearly
Lethally
Objectively
Through your glamor
Through your armor
Through your ardor.
You thought I’d run at the first glimpse
Of your bones
Of your gums.
Of your sinew.
I see the boy.
I see the young man.
And I see the man.
Where am I?
Where you left me.
Where your forgot me.
Where you escaped me.
Like a warrior queen,
I never feared facing you.
I never feared facing myself.
I never feared facing the truth.
Ugly and beautiful.
Bold and shy.
Heavy and light.
But you did,
Didn’t you?
Like the fisherman and the skeleton lady.
His flight made her cling.
His terror made her grow.
His vulnerability made her beautiful.
But you never looked back.
But you never turned back.
But you never came back.
To see what you gave birth to.
To see what you gave growth to.
To see what you gave beauty to.
You ran,
and you kept on running.
and you’re still running.
I started to grow,
and I kept on growing.
and I’m still growing.
Like the stuff of nightmares.
Like the stuff of legends.
Like the stuff of epic poems.
Roots that grow deeper,
Trunk that grows thicker,
Branches that grow higher.
While the wind keeps on blowing,
Leaves out of the way,
Apples on their way,
Blossoms on your way.
And now I see…
How small you were.
How frail you were.
How scared you were.
And even now, I forgive you.
And even now, I esteem you.
And even now, I love you.
But only your shadow feels my echoes.
But only the wind hears my praises.
But only the silence holds my love.
So be it!
Keep on running.
Keep on flying.
Keep on fading.
My love will remain.
Like the froth in the waves
Like the clouds in the sky.
Like the dust in deep space.
Erupting,
Melding,
Evolving.
On and on.
Until the sky is on fire.
Until the earth is la rug.
Until the mountains are dust.
And you cannot run anymore.
From your own face.
From your own fears.
From your own feelings.
And Light is everywhere.
And Love is everywhere.
And Truth is everywhere.
And we can only yield to it.
Softly, like gauze.
Gently, like silk.
Celestially, like a breath.
Soul to soul,
Eye to eye,
Lips to lips.
Entwined.
Under the gentle Light of Truth.
Layla Ali Sultan 