Lest my heart drowns

21/02/23

There is a balance in nature
There is a balance in my heart
There is a balance in our existence

Today,
I sowed a bulb
I discarded dead leaves.

Today
I cast off a dream
I planted a prayer.

Today,
We trembled with deadly anguish
We took a deep calming breath.

How does the world not collapse?

When there is so much joy?
When there is so much horror?
When there its so much magma?

Bubbling and breaking through
Burning and seeping through
Melting and rising through

Breaking the crust of the earth
Breaking the hearts of humans
Breaking the heart of cities

And leaving only rubbles
And leaving only silence
And leaving only dust

And terrible cold
And terrible hunger
And terrible wounds

Will they ever heal?

My heart shivers
My soul rises
My thoughts stagger

And yet, here I am…

In a peaceful land
In a yet standing house
In a thriving city.

What will happen tomorrow?

Only the Creator knows
Only the Destructor knows
Only the Transformer knows.

He,
Who gives us life.

He.
Who takes us back.

He.
Who changes our state.

My loss are but pebbles to theirs.
My pain is but a shadow to theirs
My longing is but a whisper to theirs.

How can I complain?

And yet, 
He litens.

And yet,
He gibes.

And yet.
He guides.

He is always here.

And none of my words can express
And none of my words can encompass
And none of my words can capture

Who He is.

Even the words I use now
Even the pronouns I use now
Even the attributes I use now

Are limited.

And I call myself a poet…

How can I express what my souls see?
How can I express what my heart perceives?
How can I express what my mind cannot touch?

Do you hear Him
Do you feel Him
Do you see Him

In my words?

Or are they just empty utterance
Or are they just clever delusions
Or are they hollow sentiments

Do they mean something?

And yet I try…

To draw from the well of my soul
To call from the depth of my heart
To reach beyond the limits of my being

To find some balance.

And with words,

Create a rhythm
Create a lullaby
Create a litany 

To keep me sane.
To keep me calm
To keep me balanced.

Lest my heart drowns me in despair.