After the rushing trickles,After the hurried gasps,After the crackling fires,There’s a pool.Calm,Motionless,ReflectingThe blaze of the sun.The gleam of the moon.The glimmer of the stars.Reflecting deeply.No sorrowNo joyNo sigh.What is gone, is gone.What is left, is left.What is, is.… But what is that?Tell me, please, tell me.Write again, please, write again.Hope once more, please, hope once more.But the boulders have rolled down.But the wind has died down.But the birds have settled down.And there are no answers.The river is black with ink.The river is gray with tears.The river is white with remembrance. Until I saw the crescent moon.I left the cabin in the woods.I left the room full of books.I left the two cups of tea.and I kept on walking.Stone in my chest.Ashes in my throat.Brambles in my eyes.and I kept on walking.Tears tickling down,Hope dashing away,Dreams buried away,and I kept on walking.Parched lips.Rumbling stomach.Empty heart.Found, found my way.Away, away to find.Found my way back home.To What is beyond those stars.To What is higher than this sun.To What is more real than reality.Home.Tell me love, Weren’t you headed this way too?Tell me my sparrow,Weren’t we headed this way together?Tell me my oak tree,Were we longing for the same destination? As I walk on,I can see your eyes,I can hear your words,I can feel your warmth,In a flash,In a flutter,In a twinkle,Of my heart. Maybe, as I make my way Home,Maybe, as I make my way to Freedom.Maybe, as I make my way to Peace. Around the bend I will find,A kindred spirit,A fellow wanderer.A familiar presence.Fingers entwined,Palm to palm,Souls entwined,We will walk side by side, again.Never parting,Never cleaving,Never untanglingUntil we reach Our Destination.
There was a green light
There was a gentle breeze
There was a hushed prayer
Now there is only silence.
They said that the internet is a haunted place.
I can hear the echo of your words.
I can feel the whisper of your warmth.
I can sense the gentleness of your farewell.
But you are not here.
The stars dance around,
The moon waxes and wanes,
The waves come and go,
You are really gone this time.
Yet,
One page after the other,
One flutter after the other,
One tear after the other,
You remain here.
Isn’t this what I always do….
Cling to the vanishing morn.
Hold on to the drifting crest.
Reach for the hazy mirage.
My eyes don’t see.
My brain doesn’t compute.
My hand don’t hold.
But my heart tells another story.
Before you came through the path,
Before your burst the dam,
Before you carved through the cave,
My heart was hidden under a cairn.
You dug and dug,
You drag and drag,
You hurt and hurt
Until you found it.
The cascading stream,
The rolling boulders,
The crashing wings,
Oh so such a racket!
You woke up the dead.
You woke up the dreamer.
You woke up the damsel.
No more dreams,
No more sleep,
No more escape…
You were here.
A solid oak.
An everlasting sequoia.
A bending willow.
You were here.
In my thoughts,
In my dreams,
In my words.
I ran.
I hid.
I turned around.
I ran, to you.
I hid in your arms.
I retuned to you.
Until you left.
Perhaps,
I long for a rush under my wings,
I long for a crumbling tower to flee,
I long for absence to weave a song.
This is why I always choose,
Those who run.
Those who fade.
Those who drift.
Leaving me,
Bruised,
Alone
But free.
Or, perhaps,
I long for the impossible.
I long for the unreachable.
I long for the intangible.
And chase something only I can sense.
But what about you?
My sparrow,
My oak tree,
My gentle love,
What do you long for?
I listen,
I write,
I pray,
… Only silence.
Longing is sweet in the morning,Longing is bitter in the night,Longing is all I have.No feather touches No butterfly kisses No fluttering hearts Just the ghost of a hope.Sometimes I wonder,If I love longing more than you.If I love absence more than you.If I love silence more than you.But longing is a poisonThat seeps gentlyThat climbs quicklyThat overwhelm evidently.Longing is all have. My words are what you thirst.My words are what drives you.My words are what you hear last.In your dreams,They build you a cabin.In your dreams,They take you to another world.In your dreams,They hold you close to my heart.Words are all you have.No expectation,No demands,No promisesI insist.But I weave a cloak of dreams But I embroider a tapestry of hopeBut I knit a blanket of desires.To shield us-To cover us-To keep us -Safe.I keep on expecting for the bridge to give way.I keep on expecting for the welcoming tent to fade.I keep on expecting for the stairway to crumble.My expectation don’t weigh a thing….Desolating.Solitude.Loss.My expectation are not for your back.They are for my lonely nights.They are for my shy mornings.They are for my quiet afternoons.On and on.I don’t expect much,But I hope too much.And yet,The bridge doest doesn’t give way to the river.The tent doest fade into the searing heat.The stairways doesn’t crumble into dust.You are still here.Facing my wild winds.Facing my colorful canvases.Facing my winding thoughts.I was always too much.I was always too loud.I was always too strange.But to you,I am your homeland,You whisper.You shiver.You mouth.Yet, you are afraid to take roots in this rich soil. Yet, you are terrified of being swept off by my wild winds. Yet, you are terrified to let that new shoot reach up and grow.I tremble,I pray,I cry,…. You could leave but you never do.So I become your armor.So I become your tower.So I become your shelter.And you become a hope.And you become a whisper.And you become a dream.
How can the world be ending
When the birds are chirping?
When the daisies are blooming?
When the cherry tree is blossoming?
On my screens
Death.
Flicker, flicker.
Panic.
Flicker, flicker.
Hail.
Nothing will ever be the same;
They write
Over and over again.
They predict
Over and over again.
They decree.
Over and over again.
Yet,
The crescent moon ripens
The winter turns into spring
The night turns into day.
Pale sunsets
Blushing sunrises.
From the dawn of time until now.
Death,
Birth,
Death,
Birth.
And the full moon withers.
And the new moon regenerates.
Did you hear?
The yellow tit has returned.
Like every year,
He burrows in the lilacs.
Like every year,
He cocks his head for crumbs.
Like every year,
He thrills at the other birds .
Take a turn,
In the blooming garden.
Take a turn,
In the awakening woods.
Take a turn,
In the serenity of the wild.
Far, far away,
From those rolls of toilet paper.
Far, far away,
From those constant updates.
Far far away,
From the mass hysteria.
Hearken, oh hearken my friend!
Feel, oh feel my friend!
Open up, oh open up my friend!
To these golden doors,
To these wandering paths.
To these pink and white glades.
Yesterday it was dark and murky.
Yesterday it was grey and dusty.
Yesterday, it was cold and misty.
In the beaming sunshine,
In the melodic afternoon,
In the fragrant serenity
You can breathe.
You can hope.
You can understand
That some things will always be true.
The season will turn.
The days will trickle.
Life will out.
In the winter woods,
You saw life in death.
In the early spring,
You saw death in life.
A dance that you know well.
A story that you understand well.
A reality that you glimpse well.
The mushrooms of yesterday,
The buds of tomorrow.
The pebbles in the ocean of your soul.
The snowdrops in the garden of your heart.
The feathers on the birds of your dreams.
Will you fly?
Or will you attach yourself to these shackles,
The flicker,
The trickle,
The endless scrolling.
That blue light that burns your brain;
That constant roar that burns your mind;
That constant scream that burns your ears;
Shackling you to your fears.
Will you fly, my friend?
To the lonely summit.
To the silent forest.
To the cascading steam.
Bubbling,
Frothing,
Gurgling,
With life.
Will you fly, then?
When I send you a smile
It’s a hand on your shoulder.
When I send you a rose,
It’s a kiss on your cheek.
When I send you a picture,
It’s my hand reaching for yours.
Words are all we have.
Words are never enough.
Patience is all we have.
Patience has to be enough.
Hope is all we have.
Hope is more than enough.
Did you hear?
Did you read?
Do you believe…
The world is ending.
Falling like flies.
Hiding like preys.
Did you feel it?
Did you sense it?
Do you know that…
We are just beginning.
Falling like teenagers.
Hiding like children.
Social distancing
Safety confinement
Self quarantine
All those words mean nothing
When the one you dream of,
When the one you pray for,
When the one you love
Is already so far away.
As we hide from society
As we distance from friends
As we wash our hands again and again.
We open up with cipher.
We cling through a web.
We reach through a net
And hold on to each other.
Like there’s no tomorrow.
Like there’s no one else.
Like there are no bodies.
No hands to hold.
No eyes to behold.
No lips to homage.
Just a few words.
Just a few images.
Just two souls.
Tell me, my love,
Where do we court each other?
In our deeply hidden dreams?
In our hesitant instant messaging?
In that state of being beyond reality?
Is it a love of clicks and swipes?
Is it a love of aesthetics and quotes?
Is it a love of mystical and divine quality?
Why am I even asking when I already know…
Whether it was face to face.
Whether it was here or there.
Whether it was from link to links.
It doesn’t matter really how we found each other.
Unspoken,
Unimaginable,
Unreachable,
Was it always there
In your dreams,
In my songs,
In the Divine Decree…?
Or so, I pray that it is.
They are hoarding
They are despairing.
They are scurrying.
I am scattering my petals.
You are stretching your branches.
Between us, spring is in full bloom.
And we are all praying,
And we are all waiting,
And we are all striving,
For better days to come.
The storm will fall.
The eruption will still.
The outbreak will fade.
And what will remain…
Is beyond our hopes.
Is beyond our fears.
Is beyond our predictions.
But I know that…
When that lull comes,
When that dawn breaks,
When that beacon lights,
It is to you that I shall fly to.
If you were mine,
Like a rose.
If you were mine,
Like a cat.
If you were mine,
Like a gem.
I’d keep you from the storm.
I’d keep keep you from the cold.
I’d keep you from the dust.
Safe,
My love I’d keep you safe.
Happy,
My love I’d keep you happy.
Loved,
My love, I’d keep you loved.
But there’s a web between us.
But there’s a veil between us.
But there’s a road between us.
Like a foliage,
Like gossamer,
Like a helix.
Dusts
Summits
Galaxies.
Closer and closer,
Farther and farther,
Eternally and eternally.
There a thread,
There’s a hope,
There’s a breath,
that can travel through space
that can travel through time
that can travel through universes.
I didn’t choose it.
You didn’t choose it.
It was written.
Where?
How?
Why?
You
&
I.
Here.
Now.
All over.
I follow you.
You follow me.
Linked to each other.
But you are not here,
You are never here.
But I am not there,
I am never there,
And yet,
The seeds do sprout.
And yet,
The sprouts do shoot.
And yet,
The shoots do grow…
Into an oak tree.
Where nightingale can sing.
Where sparrows can hide.
Where thrush can nest.
If you were mine,
I’d be the robin on your shoulder.
If I were yours,
I’d be the cherry tree against your back.
Until then,
Your heart breaks and you worry for me.
My heart breaks and I worry for you.
You are the first.
I am the first.
Still,
Our hands never touch.
Our breaths never mingle.
Our eyes never meet.
If you were mine.
I’d be your comfort.
If I were yours,
You’d be my safety.
Until then,
I am a hope.
You are a dream.
We are a fairytale.
That we whisper to each other,
With a rose.
That we keep from each other,
With a promise.
That we bestow on each other,
With a greeting.
Can you hear her?
Can you feel her?
Can you hold her?
A soft chirp,
A gentle flutter,
A lithe heartbeat.
There’s a song in your heart
There’s a feather in your beard,
There’s a warmth in your palms,
But you cannot see it.
Your branches are high and wide,
Your foliage is battered but blooming,
Your trunk is caved but strong.
An oak,
A cypress,
An aspen,
That survived the Flood.
That survived the Plagues.
That survived the Furies.
Time and time again.
In a world full of coal,
In a world full of smoke,
In a world full of oil spills ,
You thrived.
You know of darkness and the return of the Light,
You know of loneliness and the return to the Presence,
You know of bitterness and the return Forgiveness,
… But ever so lonely.
High there,
Deep within,
Far away,
How cold you must feel,
How silent you must feel,
How tired you mus feel….
But even in this land,
The pale dawn must return,
The gentle breeze must return,
A hopeful spring must return.
Like in the ever expanding darkness,
Like in the ever exploding supernova,
Like in the ever silent galaxies,
There’s a distant glint.
It’s a speck,
Its a dust,
It’s a star.
You looked up to the night sky.
You searched for the crescent moon.
You found an unexpected gleam.
Something you carry with you even in the brightest sunshine.
Something you protect from the fiercest storm.
Something you hold on to even in the bitterest cold.
But you cannot grasp it yet.
But you cannot clasp it yet.
But you cannot wrap it yet.
In your arms.
Your heart yearns for that moment,
Your chest tremble for that embrace,
Your soul shivers for that treasure.
But she isn’t a queen,
decked in diamonds and pearls.
But she isn’t a saint,
decked with distance and perfection.
But she isn’t a prize,
decked with gold and jewels.
She is but a human.
She is but a woman.
She is but a wanderer… Just like you.
A poet, sometimes,
A lady, other times,
A bird, most of the time.
What about you?
Who are you?
A solid oak tree.
Who are you?
A timid sparrow.
Who are you?
A safe valley.
I wish you were a tree
I could rest on.
I wish you were a foliage
I could shelter under.
I wish you were a foret
I could lose myself into.
Instead,
You are a few sentences,
You are a few heartbeats,
You are a few clicks,
and a dream,
and a hope,
and a prayer,
That I have bestowed to God.
One day,
One night,
One magical moment,
My love,
I shall tell your everything.
I shall give you everything.
I shall offer you everything.
One day,
When the time has come.
When the decree has fallen,
When the waiting is fulfilled,
I shall be yours.
You shall be mine.
If God has ordained it.
As God has ordained it.
When God has ordained it.
Until then…
There’s a song in your heart,
There’s a feather in your beard,
There’s a warmth in your palms,
— A bird on your shoulder.
There’s is a softness
There’s is a gentleness
There’s breathlessness
That I carry,
Only for you.
It used to drop from my eyes,
It used to flutter from my lips,
It used to rise from my palms.
Only for you.
Like a protective wing,
Like a delicate feather,
Like a soft plumage,
Only for you.
How swift is this sunshine,
How harsh is this wind,
How loud is that street.
Hustle and bustle,
Morning to eve,
Screen to street.
Noisy,
Roaring,
Heaving.
I cannot escape it.
I walk on,
I fight on,
I fly on.
As without flying,
I cannot remember.
The thud of my heart.
The yearning of my heart.
The secret of my heart.
Only for you.
There’s a story your soul told her.
There’s a song your soul sung to her.
There’s a dream your soul poured into her.
It lingers in the air…
Like musk,
Like a breath,
Like a presence.
There’s a bite in your gentleness.
There’s a cruelty in your softness.
There’s an icicle in your warmth.
You left her bruised.
Were you careless?
Were you thoughtless?
Were you heedless?
Or did you devise it?
Walked through the woods.
Peeked through the curtains.
Swam through the rapids.
Until you found her…
The wild damsel.
The free creature.
The gentle girl.
Dancing,
Singing,
Weaving
Feathers,
Tears
And smiles.
What a tender smile,
You think.
What a gentle face,
You say.
What a soft hand,
You sigh.
How healing,
How warm,
How quenching.
You delight in her.
You hide in her.
You regenerate in her.
Look at those trampled violets,
Look a those ruffled feathers,
Look at those broken branches.
You held her too tight,
You discarded her too hastily.
Starving.
Hungry.
Famish.
Like a child.
Like a boy.
Like a stray.
It will fade,
It will eventually fade.
The pain,
The memory,
The loneliness…
Yet,
You remain hungry.
Yet,
She remains lost.
And you both roam,
And you both wander,
And you both ramble.
Aimlessly.
Bones aching.
Brain aching.
Beating, beating aching hearts.
One decision,
One word,
One step,
And spring can return.
The question,
The presence,
The augur,
Linger, linger
Linger in the air.
Tell me, my sweet,
Will spring ever return?
Sweet and soft
Timid and pale,
Vanishing and whispering,
You made me forget the harsh wind.
What were you searching for?
What were you running from?
What were you hoping for?
We both listened to each other’s silences.
We both gazed into each other’s universes.
We both held on to each other’s heartbeats.
Deep at night,
I can still feel you.
I can still hear you.
I can still hold you.
Deep in my dreams.
My darling sparrow
My shy sparrow
My strong sparrow.
I followed you
Through forests and fields.
Through fields and mountains.
Through mountains and forests.
But it wasn’t enough.
There were so many lands,
There were so many oceans,
There were so many galaxies,
Yet to be beheld together.
I close my eyes,
I hold up my hands,
I let my soul fly away.
And I am the breeze on your cheek,
And I am the flutter on your shoulder,
And I am the whisper in your heart.
Dear love.
When the fire burns logs into cinders.
When the wind blows those cinders.
When the earth cradle those cinders.
When the moon is a sliver in the forest,
When the moon is a glimmer in the forest.
When the moon is a lamp in the forest.
When the violets are shying away.
When the hydrangea are blooming away.
When the roses are scattering away.
You are in my sighs.
You are in my songs.
You are in my soul.
Each bird must fly on an autumn eve.
Each bird must return on a spring morn.
Each bird must glide over the ocean.
Was the sparrow lost?
Was the robin lost?
Did they find their way?
Sweet and soft
Timid and pale,
Vanishing and whispering,
Another glance,
Another peep,
A last chirp,
And they flew away.
One North,
One South.
One high,
One low.
One slowly,
One swiftly.
Scattering dew on the roses.
Rustling with the wild winds.
Praying with lost souls.
They are not lost.
They are not sad.
They are not weary.
Creator,
In Your Light,
In Your Healing,
In Your Hand,
They are home.
Yet,
There remains a hope in their heart.
There remains a sigh in their soul.
There remains a prayer in their peace.
That they reveal only to the Keeper of Hearts.
Layla Ali Sultan 