J’ai perdu mes phrases
J’ai perdu mes poèmes
J’ai perdu mes mots.
La langue qui tissait notre lien
N’étais pas la mienne,
N’était pas la mienne,
mais elle comptait
Chaque battement de coeur
Chaque pensée de l’esprit
Chaque émoi de l’âme.
Et puis, elle les versait…
Sur cette toile qui nous a fait rencontrer
Sur cette toile qui nous a accroché
Sur cette toile qui nous a ensorcelée.
Ou bien était-ce toi ?
Qui maniait tes belles déclarations - comme un diplomate trompeur
Qui effleurait mon coeur - comme un chirurgien boucher
Qui collectionnait mes larmes - comme un chercheur assoiffé
Etait-ce toi,
Qui m’a mené dans cette dance d’illusion ?
Qui m’a enivrée de douces chimères ?
Qui m’a fait perdre pieds dans une mare ?
Alors, je t’écris dans cette langue…
Que tu ne connais pas
Que tu ne maîtrise pas
Que tu n’entends pas…
Pour mieux entendre
Mon propre battement de coeur
Ma propre voix.
Mon propre être.
Tu vois,
Petit garçon,
Petit moineau,
Petit chimère,
Tu n’as jamais compris
Mes mots
Mes rêves
Mon âme.
Tu n’as pas su lire le battement de mes ailes
Tu n’as pas su lire l’étirement de mes membres,
Tu n’as pas su lire l’essoufflement dans ma gorge…
Un jour,
Il fallait m’envoler.
Tu l’entends ce bruissement ?
Tu l’entends ce fracassement ?
Tu l’entends ce étranglement ?
Et ce silence…
Veut-il enfin dire quelque chose pour toi ?
And from stillness
And from darkness,
And from littleness,
Springs life again.
To dance again,
To sing again,
To live again
And believe again…
In those silly dreams
In those gentles hopes
In those hushed poems.
But how harsh are those last winter nights
But how cold are those last winter nights
But how hopeless are those last winter nights
Like a feather caught in a thorn
Like a feather caught in ice
Like a feather caught in a web
I flutter gently…
White innocence
Soft perseverance
Light independence.
Belonging to none
but the One who created me.
Beholding to none
but the One who provided for me.
Bespoken to none
but to the One who loves me.
The blazing sun
The sparkling rain
The dutiful winds,
Will untangle me from this woe.
And I will float through the lands,
And I will wing through the tides,
And I will spring through this darkness.
Unabashed
Unattached
Unattainable.
Belonging to my own skin.
Belonging to my own heart.
Belonging to my own soul.
Violets growing in my palms
Roses growing in my breath
Primroses growing in my path.
How fragrant is that deep rich earth when it rains!
Let it rain,
Let it bleed,
Let it break…
Like a miracle on dry land
Like a shoot from a grain
Like a lifeless tired twig.
So that a new life can begin.
A collection of poems that depicts the poet’s mystical and spiritual journey. This journey takes the reader through the valleys of nature, love and infinity. All these paths leads to the One. It’s a love story between the poet and God. The poet takes you through many veils of illusions as she tries to find her way.
And without a bang
And without a spark
And without a shout
starts spring…
Soft hazelnuts droopy flowers
Quiet new sprigs sprouting
Shy yet glad blackbird songs…
Spring,
Is that you?
Winter laid me bare
Winter tore me down
Winter bore me down
The harsh wind tearing down my leaves and tears.
The indifferent icy sky freezing my twigs and hopes
The hard ground ensuring my roots and dreams.
And it’s still so cold.
Yet my heart soars,
as the birds sing.
Yet my heart leaps,
as the leaves spurt,
Yet my heart sings,
as the primroses smile.
Patience,
patience my dear.
After winter
Spring must come.
After nightfall,
Dawn must come.
After death,
Life must come.
Oh the storm shook my nest.
Oh the storm broken my wings.
Oh the storm stole my voice,
Yet, I am still here.
Searching for feathers on the hard ground
Looking for stars in the tumultuous night sky
Seeking for words and meaning in the wind.
Here is the lesson…
In the trees growing new limbs,
In the roses growing new thorns,
In the birds learning new tweets.
My voice will rise again
My wings will grown again
My flight will start again
And I will soar on those memories.
To find a higher clime
To find a higher note
To find a higher perch…
Somewhere safe.
In Your Light.
In Your Safety.
In Your Presence.
Thank you spring,
for returning.
Thank you seasons,
for revolving.
Thank you Creator,
for creating us.
And reminding me that,
My broken wings will mend.
My broken wings will grow feathers.
My broken wings will spread again.
And I am already flying
And I am already reaching
And I am already soaring
Back to You.
As resilient as a winter rose,
As fragrant as a winter rose,
As vibrant as a winter rose,
I keep on growing.
My thorns are soft,
My stem is pliable
My petals are glowing.
Glowing as I keep on growing.
The cold winds slap me,
The hard blue sky freezes me,
The hard frosted ground holds me.
But my petals are like sails,
But my fragrance is like a song,
But my leaves are like wings.
And I fly away
Back to my roots,
Towards my future.
Soaring in the present moment.
This is me,
This was me,
This shall be me.
But the rain trickles,
But the snow seeps,
But the wind rages,
Stealing my pink glow,
Stealing my secret scent
Stealing my soft petals.
Scattering them away…
Winter has its right.
Dusk has its right..
Silence has its right.
Let it be,
Let it go,
Let it flow.
Patient,
Resilient,
Radiant,
Fearless.
Let winter cover me with snow.
Let winter cover me with absence.
Let the winter cover me with neglect.
Spring shall come back.
A bright gauzy dawn,
A gentle birdsong,
A softer breeze…
A wordless hope.
Every day,
a bird would gently chirp.
Every day,
the vine would quietly grow.
Every day,
feathers would garner my path.
It wasn’t much,
But it was enough.
Enough to make me smile
Enough to make me sing
Enough to make me hope.
A hope full of feathers,
A hope full of greenery,
A hope full of songs…
And nights full of prayers.
And nights full of dreams.
And nights full of longings.
It was enough,
But it wasn’t much.
On a twig,
I built a castle.
On a feather,
I built a ship.
On a song,
I built a whole life.
Words were enough,
To make me believe.
To make me trust.
To make me his.
And yet, those words were
like a hollow bark,
like a fallen branch,
like a sunken root.
Untrue,
Unholy,
Unreliable.
And I fell deep into the hole
Like a lost feather
Like a crushed leaf,
Like a forgotten acorn.
That pain in my chest,
That sinking pain within,
That crushing pain pouring forth,
All bursting my shell…
And thus I was left,
And thus I was forgotten,
And thus I was planted.
There are darker months ahead,
There are frozen months ahead,
There are silent months ahead,
But they are necessary.
For the acorn to burst
For the seed to reach,
For the seedling to stretch,
To find a new spring.
Let it be,
Let it go,
Let it flow…
I am but a seed
I am but a hope,
I am but a wish
And You are my sun,
And You are my creator,
And You are my protector,
You will keep me safe.
You will keep me growing.
You will keep me glowing.
Safely under Your care.
She was a huntress
She was a hungry soul
She was a lovelorn heart
As she followed that falling star
She forgot
She lost
She left behind
Gently crafted stories
Softly weaved realms
Lovingly warmed brews.
Phials full of delight
Tapisseries full of light
Words full of might.
She went on,
The moon waned and waxed.
The leaves grew and fell.
The snow frosted and melted.
She went on,
Her heart rose
Her heart burst
Her heart scattered.
She went on.. Until.
Her limbs became stone.
Her voice became a croak.
Her heart became an acorn.
The fallen stars had scattered away in a placid lake.
And she was silent.
And she was alone.
And she was defeated.
Patience.
Silence.
Fortitude.
Where should she go now?
How could she go on now?
Why should she go on now
Couldn’t move.
Couldn’t stay.
Couldn’t leave.
Roots shot from her toes.
Bark crept over her heart.
Twigs sprang from her hair.
The chase was just an illusion.
Now was starting the true transformation.
Is it painful to lose your feathers?
Is it painful to grow new wings?
Is it painful to breathe again?
Pain is the fuel of life…
How much pain in a life giving supernova.
How much pain in a life giving tempest.
How much pain in a life giving magma.
It may look like destruction
The bursting star.
The torrential rain.
The boiling fusion.
It is a destruction of
Illusions
Confusion
Passion.
And a lull…
Scattered debris orbiting into one
Water reaching deeply entwined roots.
Ashes covering the bountiful soil.
Hope will be found again…
In silent tears.
In quiet pain.
In gentle patience.
Somewhere.
Some day.
Someone.
Softly.
The huntress
The hungry soul.
The lovelorn heart,
Was a maiden again.
Barefoot
Bareheaded
Baresouled.
Here I am…
For another dance.
For another hope.
For another life.
Let it be
Let me be
Let me be free.
It takes more than bitter frost,
To uproot an oak tree.
It takes more than cruel winds,
To pull down a briar rose.
It takes more than acidic rain,
To poison a daisy.
But it doesn’t take much,
To brush off a ghost,
To pull away a weed,
To burn off a bridge.
If you ever look over your shoulders,
You will see…
A star piercing through the night
A nightingale flying through the storm,
A tree reaching for the infinite beyond.
You will see
Something you can never be.
Something you can never have.
Something you can never keep.
Something,
So free,
So feral,
So fierce…
That it will burn off your eyes.
Eyes that lie
Eyes that hide
Eyes that stray.
Well the, by all means, stray…
Take that path to the pit.
Take that path to the ridge.
Take that path to the distance.
I will keep the gems
in the pebbles you gave me.
I will keep the truth,
in the lies you gave me.
I will keep the smile,
in the tears you gave me.
And I will rise higher,
Than the mountains you claimed to love
Than the stars you claimed to love,
To God that you claimed to love.
And shine brighter,
in His Love
in His Peace
In His Protection.
How far will you bear that heavy conscience you carry?
How far will you bear that heavy stone heart you carry?
How far will you bear that heavy lie that you carry?
I hope,
I pray,
I say,
You will find peace
You will find truth
You will find solace,
Within yourself.
And grow,
And glow,
And go…
To be a better man.
And now it’s quiet again…
No more frenzied phone calls,
No more shivering text messages.
No more flickering hazy images.
It’s just me…
And my birds,
And my words,
And my songs.
They come in a hushed huff.
The robin,
The great tits,
The fuzzy sparrows.
And they ask about him.
He took my words,
He took my prayers,
He took my dreams,
And gave them to another one.
Leaving me under a rustling tree,
Leaving me over the cold ground.
Leaving me between the shivering trees.
And my birds answer me,
Don’t be sad,
You will find better.
Don’t be sad,
He did love you.
Don’t be sad,
You were too wild.
To be held captive.
To be domesticated.
To be understood.
Like a crashing wave,
Like a sputtering chasm,
Like a far reaching tree.
You are free now.
I just hear their soft chirps
I just hear their gentle wings
I just hear their brave songs.
And my heart is at peace.
Until the pain returns,
Until the wind returns,
Until the yearning returns,
And the,
Why
Why
Why
And the,
How
How
How
And the,
Now what
Now what
Now what….
What of those sweet dreams?
What of those earnest prayers?
What of those beautiful words?
All falling,
Like the leaves.
All dripping,
Like the rain.
All scattering,
Like the roses.
Let the mist rise
and hide me.
Let the shadows rise,
and hide me.
Let the night rise,
and hide me.
Until I am once more whole.
There was a child
There was a boy
There was a ghost
Who spoke of love
Who spoke of truth
Who spoke of forgiveness
Without knowing it.
Without meaning it.
Without knowing the meaning.
He clung to her,
The wild healer.
He clung to her,
The delicate fairy.
He clung to her,
The sweet girl.
And took,
And took,
And took,
Took all he could steal.
And she gave
And she gave
And she gave
Gave all that she could give.
Until he showed her his heart.
A pit
A ravine
An abyss.
Where he carelessly scattered
All her delicate gifts
All her soft pleas
All her earnest prayers;
As if it were dung.
A man who was blind.
A man who was maimed.
A man who was dead.
And couldn’t understand the treasure bestowed on him.
They killed his heart,
when he was a child.
They tore his soul,
when he was a babe.
They stole his feelings,
when he was hurt.
A man that loves like a child.
A man that hurts like a child.
A man that thinks like a child.
Give me,
Give me,
Give me more.
But never ask me for anything.
But pretty words,
But pretty pictures,
But pretty lies,
To fill up my empty life.
To fill up my social media.
To fill up my addiction.
Always on the lookout
For another delicate face,
For another sad girl
For another loving mother,
To escape my loneliness.
Oh beautiful longing
Oh beautiful prayer
Oh beautiful heart
Let me break you in tiny pieces.
A child trapped in a man
A ghost trapped in flesh.
A man trapped in a boy.
Such beautiful words, you told me.
Such pretty lies, you told me.
Such gentle prayers, you told me.
To steal my gentlest warmth.
To steal my innermost treasure.
To steal my softest secret.
To grind them into dust.
And watch my tears,
And watch my grief,
And watch my pain.
Tears always make you smile.
Tears always make you high.
Tears always make you love.
And you loved my tears…
But no more.
The she-wolf is baring her teeth.
The witch is carving her holy ground.
The queen is unsheathing her sword.
A volcano erupting
A wolf howling
A harpie shrieking.
Righteous anger.
How much more would you like from this
Innocent
Trusting
Loving
Girl?
Who else will you prey with your pretty lies?
Lies,
Lying lies,
He lies and lies.
And swears he is honest.
Beware, beware
of breaking an innocent heart.
Beware, beware,
of stealing a trusting heart.
Beware, beware,
of hurting a loving soul.
For they are in the protection of the Creator.
The tired healer smiles….
The one who lies to himself,
speaks the truth to others.
The one who lies to others,
speaks the truth to himself.
Never knowing the difference between truth and lies.
Is it a lie if you believe it?
Is it a lie if you told it to yourself?
Is it a lie if you swear it’s true?
And that was all the Truth she needed.
Let him remain trapped in his lies.
Let him remain trapped in his pain.
Let him remain trapped in his dream.
And let the birds fly off,
The robin,
The great tit,
And the sparrows
Mighty warriors of the soul
Gentle messengers of the soul
Constant companion of the soul
are free.
And I shall fly away….
Never to return.
Layla Ali Sultan 