My friend, with a glowing heart

27/03/22

There’s a world beyond carefully crafted words
There’s life beyond polished pretty pictures
There’s truth beyond hollow soft quotes

Wild woods teeming with life,
Lively gardens exhaling perfume.
Colorful boughs shivering with songs.

My garden has many 

Seasons
Sounds
Moods.

Flowers come and go
Leaves grow and whither
Birds flit and fly.

Some leave
Some return
Some stay.

And there’s my friend…

With a bleeding heart
With a glowing heart
With a blushing heart.

He whispers
He sings
He tweets

According to the time of the day.

Perhaps he was born in that hedge.
Perhaps he was born in those woods.
Perhaps he was born in that horizon.

But he always returns.

Waxes and wanes.
according to the weather.

Sings and hums,
according to the time.

Lingers and hides,
according to his secret.

In the winter, he brings a colorful banner to the soft white snow.
In autumn he melts with the amber sunsets and golden leaves.
In spring he digs the rich fragrant soil and sings for all to hear.

He comes and go as he please.

For the lady of the woods,

He has a name
He has a language
He has a message.

Who can see?
Who can understand?
Who can decipher?

Ah! To understand the language of birds…

Like Saint Francis
Like Prophet David,
Like Prophet Solomon.

But my friend is not a 

Flamboyant tardy hoopoe 
Mythical hidden bird
Meek needy sparrow,

For, the hoopoe has many duties.
For, the simurgh has many legends,
For, the sparrow has many companions…

My robin has one flightpath 
My robin has one song,
My robin has one lover…

And for many months,
And for many days,
And for many seasons,

He must wait.
He must sing.
He must retreat.

A bird to many,

He is my friend,
He is my charge,
He is my teacher.

He flew in my house,
And taught me letting go.

He disappears from my garden
And teaches me patience.

He will sing cheerful from my tree
And teach me joy.

As I dig and sow,
He whispers to me.

Like a child,
Like a distant poet,
Like a forgotten dream.

As I uproot and cut,
He beckons me,

Like a loyal friend,
Like a far off seer,
Like a passing thought.

As I gather and disseminate,
He cantillates at me,

Like a patient teacher
Like a wander hermit,
Like an evergreen hope.

Will he return?
God’s will.

Will he explain?
God’s will.

Will he stay?
God’s will.

What must be uprooted?
What must be planted?
What must be protected?

Who will tell me…

As I do not understand,

The language of birds.
The turn of the tide,
The pattern of the future.

All I know is what I am taught,

Gentle patience,
Soft resilience,
Joyful contentment.

Dear robin,

Let us sing together.
Let us wait together.
Let us hope together.

And pray.


J’ai perdu mes mots

24/03/22

J’ai perdu mes phrases
J’ai perdu mes poèmes
J’ai perdu mes mots.

La langue qui tissait notre lien

N’étais pas la mienne,
N’était pas la mienne, 

mais elle comptait

Chaque battement de coeur
Chaque pensée de l’esprit
Chaque émoi de l’âme.

Et puis, elle les versait…

Sur cette toile qui nous a fait rencontrer
Sur cette toile qui nous a accroché 
Sur cette toile qui nous a ensorcelée.

Ou bien était-ce toi ?

Qui maniait tes belles déclarations - comme un diplomate trompeur
Qui effleurait mon coeur - comme un chirurgien boucher
Qui collectionnait mes larmes - comme un chercheur assoiffé 

Etait-ce toi,

Qui m’a mené dans cette dance d’illusion ?
Qui m’a enivrée de douces chimères ?
Qui m’a fait perdre pieds dans une mare ?

Alors, je t’écris dans cette langue…

Que tu ne connais pas
Que tu ne maîtrise pas
Que tu n’entends pas…

Pour mieux entendre

Mon propre battement de coeur
Ma propre voix.
Mon propre être.

Tu vois,

Petit garçon,
Petit moineau,
Petit chimère,

Tu n’as jamais compris 

Mes mots
Mes rêves
Mon âme.

Tu n’as pas su lire le battement de mes ailes
Tu n’as pas su lire l’étirement de mes membres,
Tu n’as pas su lire l’essoufflement dans ma gorge…

Un jour, 
Il fallait m’envoler.

Tu l’entends ce bruissement ?
Tu l’entends ce fracassement ?
Tu l’entends ce étranglement ?

Et ce silence…

Veut-il enfin dire quelque chose pour toi ?

Cold spring

14/03/22
And from stillness
And from darkness,
And from littleness,

Springs life again.

To dance again,
To sing again,
To live again

And believe again…

In those silly dreams
In those gentles hopes
In those hushed poems.

But how harsh are those last winter nights
But how cold are those last winter nights
But how hopeless are those last winter nights

Like a feather caught in a thorn
Like a feather caught in ice
Like a feather caught in a web

I flutter gently…

White innocence
Soft perseverance
Light independence.

Belonging to none
but the One who created me.

Beholding to none
but the One who provided for me.

Bespoken to none
but to the One who loves me.

The blazing sun
The sparkling rain
The dutiful winds,

Will untangle me from this woe.

And I will float through the lands,
And I will wing through the tides,
And I will spring through this darkness.

Unabashed
Unattached
Unattainable.

Belonging to my own skin.
Belonging to my own heart.
Belonging to my own soul.

Violets growing in my palms
Roses growing in my breath
Primroses growing in my path.

How fragrant is that deep rich earth when it rains!

Let it rain,
Let it bleed,
Let it break…

Like a miracle on dry land
Like a shoot from a grain
Like a lifeless tired twig.

So that a new life can begin.

Broken Wings

06/02/22
And without a bang
And without a spark
And without a shout

starts spring…

Soft hazelnuts droopy flowers
Quiet new sprigs sprouting
Shy yet glad blackbird songs…

Spring,
Is that you?

Winter laid me bare
Winter tore me down
Winter bore me down

The harsh wind tearing down my leaves and tears.
The indifferent icy sky freezing my twigs and hopes
The hard ground ensuring my roots and dreams.

And it’s still so cold.

Yet my heart soars,
as the birds sing.

Yet my heart leaps,
as the leaves spurt,

Yet my heart sings,
as the primroses smile.

Patience,
patience my dear.

After winter
Spring must come.

After nightfall,
Dawn must come.

After death,
Life must come.

Oh the storm shook my nest.
Oh the storm broken my wings.
Oh the storm stole my voice,

Yet, I am still here.

Searching for feathers on the hard ground
Looking for stars in the tumultuous night sky
Seeking for words and meaning in the wind.

Here is the lesson…

In the trees growing new limbs,
In the roses growing new thorns,
In the birds learning new tweets.

My voice will rise again
My wings will grown again
My flight will start again

And I will soar on those memories.

To find a higher clime
To find a higher note
To find a higher perch…

Somewhere safe.

In Your Light.
In Your Safety.
In Your Presence.

Thank you spring,
for returning.

Thank you seasons,
for revolving.

Thank you Creator,
for creating us.

And reminding me that,

My broken wings will mend.
My broken wings will grow feathers.
My broken wings will spread again.

And I am already flying
And I am already reaching
And I am already soaring

Back to You.

As resilient as a winter rose

24/12/21
As resilient as a winter rose,
As fragrant as a winter rose,
As vibrant as a winter rose,

I keep on growing.

My thorns are soft,
My stem is pliable
My petals are glowing.

Glowing as I keep on growing.

The cold winds slap me,
The hard blue sky freezes me,
The hard frosted ground holds me.

But my petals are like sails,
But my fragrance is like a song,
But my leaves are like wings.

And I fly away

Back to my roots,
Towards my future.

Soaring in the present moment.

This is me, 
This was me,
This shall be me.

But the rain trickles,
But the snow seeps,
But the wind rages,

Stealing my pink glow,
Stealing my secret scent
Stealing my soft petals.

Scattering them away…

Winter has its right.
Dusk has its right..
Silence has its right.

Let it be,
Let it go,
Let it flow.

Patient,
Resilient,
Radiant,

Fearless.

Let winter cover me with snow.
Let winter cover me with absence.
Let the winter cover me with neglect.

Spring shall come back.

A bright gauzy dawn,
A gentle birdsong,
A softer breeze…

A wordless hope.

Discarded to grow

19/12/21
Every day,
a bird would gently chirp.

Every day,
the vine would quietly grow.

Every day,
feathers would garner my path.

It wasn’t much,
But it was enough.

Enough to make me smile
Enough to make me sing
Enough to make me hope.

A hope full of feathers,
A hope full of greenery,
A hope full of songs…

And nights full of prayers.
And nights full of dreams.
And nights full of longings.

It was enough,
But it wasn’t much.

On a twig,
I built a castle.

On a feather,
I built a ship.

On a song,
I built a whole life.

Words were enough,

To make me believe.
To make me trust.
To make me his.

And yet, those words were

like a hollow bark,
like a fallen branch,
like a sunken root.

Untrue,
Unholy,
Unreliable.

And I fell deep into the hole

Like a lost feather
Like  a crushed leaf,
Like a forgotten acorn.

That pain in my chest,
That sinking pain within,
That crushing pain pouring forth,

All bursting my shell…

And thus I was left,
And thus I was forgotten,
And thus I was planted.

There are darker months ahead,
There are frozen months ahead,
There are silent months ahead,

But they are necessary.

For the acorn to burst 
For the seed to reach,
For the seedling to stretch,

To find a new spring.

Let it be,
Let it go,
Let it flow…

I am but a seed
I am but a hope,
I am but a wish

And You are my sun,
And You are my creator,
And You are my protector,

You will keep me safe.
You will keep me growing.
You will keep me glowing.

Safely under Your care.

Maiden again

30/11/21

She was a huntress
She was a hungry soul
She was a lovelorn heart

As she followed that falling star

She forgot
She lost
She left behind

Gently crafted stories
Softly weaved realms
Lovingly warmed brews.

Phials full of delight
Tapisseries full of light
Words full of might.


She went on,

The moon waned and waxed.
The leaves grew and fell.
The snow frosted and melted.

She went on,

Her heart rose
Her heart burst
Her heart scattered.

She went on.. Until.

Her limbs became stone.
Her voice became a croak.
Her heart became an acorn.

The fallen stars had scattered away in a placid lake.

And she was silent.
And she was alone.
And she was defeated.

Patience.
Silence.
Fortitude.

Where should she go now?
How could she go on now?
Why should she go on now

Couldn’t move.
Couldn’t stay.
Couldn’t leave.

Roots shot from her toes.
Bark crept over her heart.
Twigs sprang from her hair.

The chase was just an illusion.
Now was starting the true transformation.

Is it painful to lose your feathers?
Is it painful to grow new wings?
Is it painful to breathe again?

Pain is the fuel of life…

How much pain in a life giving supernova.
How much pain in a life giving tempest.
How much pain in a life giving magma.

It may look like destruction

The bursting star.
The torrential rain.
The boiling fusion.

It is a destruction of

Illusions
Confusion
Passion.

And a lull…

Scattered debris orbiting into one
Water reaching deeply entwined roots.
Ashes covering the bountiful soil.

Hope will be found again…

In silent tears.
In quiet pain.
In gentle patience.

Somewhere.
Some day.
Someone.

Softly.

The huntress
The hungry soul.
The lovelorn heart,

Was a maiden again.

Barefoot
Bareheaded
Baresouled.

Here I am…

For another dance.
For another hope.
For another life.

Let it be
Let me be
Let me be free.

From the rising star

It takes more than bitter frost,
To uproot an oak tree.

It takes more than cruel winds,
To pull down a briar rose.

It takes more than acidic rain,
To poison a daisy.

But it doesn’t take much,

To brush off a ghost,
To pull away a weed,
To burn off a bridge.

If you ever look over your shoulders,

You will see…

A star piercing through the night
A nightingale flying through the storm,
A tree reaching for the infinite beyond.

You will see

Something you can never be.
Something you can never have.
Something you can never keep.

Something,

So free,
So feral,
So fierce…

That it will burn off your eyes.

Eyes that lie
Eyes that hide
Eyes that stray.

Well the, by all means, stray…

Take that path to the pit.
Take that path to the ridge.
Take that path to the distance.

I will keep the gems
in the pebbles you gave me.

I will keep the truth,
in the lies you gave me.

I will keep the smile,
in the tears you gave me.

And I will rise higher,

Than the mountains you claimed to love
Than the stars you claimed to love,
To God that you claimed to love.

And shine brighter,

in His Love
in His Peace
In His Protection.

How far will you bear that heavy conscience you carry?
How far will you bear that heavy stone heart you carry?
How far will you bear that heavy lie that you carry?

I hope,
I pray,
I say,

You will find peace
You will find truth
You will find solace,

Within yourself.

And grow,
And glow,
And go…

To be a better man.

You are free now

And now it’s quiet again…

No more frenzied phone calls,
No more shivering text messages.
No more flickering hazy images.

It’s just me…

And my birds,
And my words,
And my songs.

They come in a hushed huff.

The robin,
The great tits,
The fuzzy sparrows.

And they ask about him.

He took my words,
He took my prayers,
He took my dreams,

And gave them to another one.

Leaving me under a rustling tree,
Leaving me over the cold ground.
Leaving me between the shivering trees.

And my birds answer me,

Don’t be sad,
You will find better.

Don’t be sad,
He did love you.

Don’t be sad,
You were too wild.

To be held captive.
To be domesticated.
To be understood.

Like a crashing wave,
Like a sputtering chasm,
Like a far reaching tree.

You are free now.

I just hear their soft chirps
I just hear their gentle wings
I just hear their brave songs.

And my heart is at peace.

Until the pain returns,
Until the wind returns,
Until the yearning returns,

And the,

Why
Why 
Why

And the,

How
How
How

And the,

Now what
Now what
Now what….

What of those sweet dreams?
What of those earnest prayers?
What of those beautiful words?

All falling,
Like the leaves.

All dripping,
Like the rain.

All scattering,
Like the roses.

Let the mist rise
and hide me.

Let the shadows rise,
and hide me.

Let the night rise,
and hide me.

Until I am once more whole.