Summer is
Sinking into my skin
Covering my hair
Swirling in my stomach
Like golden tendrils.
Like crimson bursts
Like velvet silk.
Warm,
Blinding
Soft, so soft…
They warn me…
Storm is brewing.
Clouds are gathering.
Lightning is winding.
The storm will come.
Will my heart break,
Will my soul quiver,
Will my dreams crumble,
Tell me, love, will I die this time?
I do not fear the blinding sparks,
I do not fear the torrential downpour,
I do not fear the heart thumping racket,
I fear silence.
I fear the dawn,
I fear the emptiness.
Summer filled blue haze,
Thunder filled dark foreboding,
Rain sodden wispy hope.
Will you stay?
While the storm rages,
While the windows tremble,
While the doors are slammed,
Will you stay?
Or will you remain
A draft
A thought
A regret
I cling to when I cannot sleep?
Even in the middle of the night,
It’s palpable
Even in the darkest hours,
It’s glowing.
Even in the coolness of dawn,
It’s burning.
Burning,
My heart
My soul
My mind.
I cannot escape
This glare,
This heat,
This scent,
You’re everywhere
Even when you’re not here.
You’re everything,
Even when you’re not here.
You are every breath,
Even when you’re not here.
Not here,
There.
Not here,
Over tere.
Not here,
Over and over that way.
Far away,
Never here.
But you never leave…
The moon will wane and wax,
The heat will drop and rise,
The wave will splatter and crest
You will leave and you will return.
You will deny and you will confess.
You will take a step back and a step further.
You will return.
In the balmy evenings of summer
In the deliciously fresh dawn.
In the ever glowing afternoons.
And you will stay…
Will you?
The air is balmy
The sky is blue
The birds are chirping.
Lost in a thought,
Lost in a dance,
Lost in a feeling,
I watch summer enfold.
Burned down the coffee pot
To cinders.
Boiled the custard
To a tsunami.
Dropped the vase
To pieces.
Pieces of you,
Pieces of me,
All those tiny pieces.
So fine,
So delicate
So evanescent.
Is it love?
Is it lust?
Is it loneliness?
Tell me love.
Is it the heat?
Is it a fever?
Is it destiny?
Tell me love.
Is it my imagination.
Is it your game.
Is it our delusion?
Tell me love.
But you don’t know,
Do you?
But I don’t know,
I really don’t.
True love is blind,
I’ve never seen you.
True love is klnd
You’re always kind.
True love binds.
We can never part.
You go,
You return.
I go,
I return.
Likes waves,
Like the wind,
Like a whisper.
Never held you.
Never beheld you.
Never heard you.
But you haunt me like a ghost.
But you haunt me like a memory.
But you haunt me like a hymn.
A hymn of something I hope for here and now.
A memory of something happening now.
A ghost of someone who is far away right now.
But grows closer.
Closer,
and closer…
Like the summer heat.
Like the flutter of wings.
Like the dance of the moon.
Closer,
Closer yet.
Your fingertips against mine,
Fluttering, fluttering.
Your gaze meeting mine,
Hovering, hovering.
Your soul tasting mine,
Whispering, whispering.
So far away.
So close.
Closer,
Come closer.
Hush, hush my sweet,
Slow, slow down my bird,
Wait, wait my wing.
The time hasn’t come yet.
For you and me,
To meet.
For me and you,
To promise.
For us,
To embrace.
The air is balmy
The sky is blue
The birds are chirping.
and I am lost,
Lost in hope.
Lost in prayer.
Lost in you.
Only you.
Some girls are like the wind.
Some girls are like the streams.
Some girls are like the soil.
Wispy,
Ever flowing,
Wholly rich.
Too kind,
Too gentle,
Too accommodating.
Flip through the magazines,
Scroll through the feed.
Watch every scene character :
Don’t be a doormat.
Don’t be shy.
Don’t be understanding.
Be tough.
Be hard.
Be you.
Clench your jaw.
Paint your lips.
Lift your chin.
You’re a soldier.
You’re a warrior,
you’re a game changer…
Should you?
They want you to.
Can you?
They want you to.
Will you?
They want you to.
But there’s a bird in your chest.
But there’s a feather in your eyelash.
But there’s a butterfly in your hair.
And there’s this little girl…
Who just wanted to have a friend.
Who just wanted to have her safe place.
Who just wanted to have her say.
But who was tormented for her
Gentleness
Kindness
Otherworld-ness
She’s looking at you…
Will you hurt me too?
Will you betray me too?
Will you scorn me too?
Turn it off.
The mesmerizing screens.
The endless noise.
The glaring images.
Tune in yourself.
Breath,
Beat
Be.
Soft,
Kind,
Gentle.
It’s a relief
Like a summer rain.
It’s a refuge,
Like the winter sun.
It’s a solace,
Like the autumn glow.
The little girl can go and play.
The young woman can go and dance.
The gentle woman can go and live.
Twirl
and twirl like a leaf.
Swirl,
and swirl like a feather.
Whirl,
and whirl like the ocean.
Never laking current,
Never lacking waves,
Never lacking depth
But gently finishing my course
Caressing,
Cherishing,
Lavishing
The sands.
The cliffs,
The crags.
With love.
And through,
Ages
Centuries,
Days,
Polishing their souks.
Softening their hearts.
Smoothing their bruises.
They will never cover me in metal.
They will never file me with rot.
They will never dip me into ciment.
There is no hardness here.
But there’s strength.
There is no bitterness here,
But there’s wisdom.
There is no ruthlessness here,
But there is mercy.
And freedom,
Oh so much freedom.
Free at last…
To run through the woods,
To fly over the mountains,
To glide over the sea.
To be kind.
To be loving.
To be forgiving.
Soft
Light
And serene.
The smoke has faded,
The dust has settled,
The mists have receded.
There are no footballer and no singer.
There are no husband and no wife.
There are no lonely scholar and lonely mystic.
There’s a priestess,
There’s a princess,
There’s a wild creature,
Racing through marshes and woods.
Hurling through vales and peaks,
Howling through hollows and mounts.
Panting,
Growling,
Hollering.
Can you hear the call?
You are lying in the bed you never made.
You are lying in the ruins of your own words.
You are lying in a hollow of dried hopes.
Can you hear the call?
You are fighting that longing.
You are drying that well.
You are bottling up that hope.
But you cannot sleep,
Can you?
But you cannot escape,
Can you?
But you cannot forget,
Can you?
It’s a breath,
It’s a whisper,
It’s a a cry.
There’s a door,
There’s a path,
There’s a book,
You’ve opened.
It haunts you,
It calls you,
It beckons you.
Wake up,
Why won’t you wake up?
Sit up,
Why won’t you sit up?
Stand up,
why won’t you stand up.
Your body is shivering.
Your heart is quivering.
Your soul is glimmering.
You found her.
She came to you.
Both ran apart.
Why,
Do you wonder why?
Of course you do,
Fellow traveller,
Friend,
My love.
As you toss and turn,
As you fast and pray
As you wait and listen,
I pray,
I sing,
I weave,
A few lines
To keep you warm.
To keep you safe,
To keep you sane.
… And light your way.
You confessed something.
I confessed everything.
Childhood dreams.
Childhood tales.
She was a tired crooner
He was an injured footballer.
He read her words
Before he coud hear her voice.
She knew his game
Before she could watch him run.
Who are you?
Who am I?
Who are they?
The smoke like a mist,
The percussion like thunder,
The stage like a funeral parlor.
Friends?
No I don’t do friends.
Date?
No I don’t date.
Marriage?
No I’m not ready.
She ran,
to return to her old songs.
He left,
to return for another chase.
Lustrous eyes
Hurried breaths,
Shivering fingers.
Love, is it love?
Not now, my love, not now.
Too late, my love, too late.
Too fast, my love, too fast.
Dainty,
Regal,,
Sensitive.
A wingless bird.
Noble,
Strong,
Gentle.
A voiceless lion.
Lips almost meeting,
Fingertips almost lingering,
Hearts almost meeting.
Frozen in time.
Did you hear her latest hit?
Slow and mellow,
Warm and glowing,
Melancholic and elated.
Did you watch his last game?
Fast and fierce,
Calm and tough,
Hopeful and despairing.
No, they didn’t see it.
Only those who have eyes see.
Only those who have light see.
Only those who have hearts see.
Hearts that have tasted pure terror.
Hearts that have tasted pure bliss.
Hearts that have tasted pure love.
Like in those rusted songs,
Like in those dusty movies,
Like in these wilted poems.
That you grew up with.
That you grew out of.
That you are growing back to.
All for an unexpected love…
The kind of love that just cannot exist;
Unless, it is blessed,
Unless it is bestowed,
Unless it is decreed,
By the One who,
Choreographs the dance of the moon and sun.
Embroiders the colors of winter and summer.
Conducts the lament of the wind and the sea.
What do they know?
What can they know?
How can they know?
He collects teary eyed,
Words from her dreams.
She sings in utter abandon
Words he thinks.
He carries like a crown,
Words she coons.
Midsummer sighs.
Midyear prayers.
Midlife rebirth,
Entwined,
Interwoven,
Interlocked,
Before they knew.
Before they hoped.
Before they existed.
Tell me,
Is this the dream we shared?
Tell me,
Is this the hope you carried?
Tell me,
Is it the fairytale He designed?
You and I.
Me and you.
Us?
Did you wake up at midnight?
Did you open your window tonight?
Did you look up to the night?
They would say,
Why bother?
Why care?
Why try?
It’s raining too much.
It’s too cold.
It’s too cloudy.
But you wouldn’t…
Because you dream.
Because you hope.
Because you believe.
So you woke up.
Barefoot,
Barhead,
Barehanded,
You went to meet the night.
No moon glimmering.
No stars glinting.
No eyes glinting.
Only the darkness,
Only the silence,
Only Your Creator,
A breath in,
Heart beating,
A breath out,
Heart beating.
A breath in.
And you see it…
As if your eyes could pierce
The clouds
As if your eyes could travel beyond,
The atmosphere.
As if your eyes could see
The unseen.
There’s a star.
Behind the thick clouds,
Behind the ashen sky,
Behind the shivering twilight,
There’s a star
Beckoning you.
Calling you.
Lulling you..
Brave,
Steadfast,
Earnest.
You’ve seen it before,
Haven’t you?
You’ve heard it before,
Haven’t you?
You’ve sang it before,
Haven’t you?
That hymn to Hope.
That praise to the Light
That prayer to God
With that same star.
Remember, that twinkle,
Do remember.
Remember, that whisper,
Do remember.
Remember that promise,
Do remember.
In that time before time.
In that space before space.
In that moment before moment.
When you faced Your Creator.
And you knew,
what you know now.
And you believed,
What you believe now.
And you saw,
What you see now…
In the glimmer of a lost star.
Yesterday,The wind blew through the deadwood.Last week,The rain trickled through the thick woods.Last month,The wet slaps stole the young blossoms.What a night!What a week!What a month!My cheeks remember.My fingers tingle.My heat beats.Beats,Beats on.Beats on,Beats on and on.But the winds faded into a sigh.But the rain faded into a puddle. But the tempest faded into a raft.Leaving the nights silent.Leaving the ground splayed.Leaving the horizon empty. Until the dawn returned…Decked in gold,Covered in gossamer,Dressed in glory.The swallow had barely made it.The butterfly had barely survived it.The rosebuds had barely endured it.Colorless wings,Feathered nests,Scattered petals.Where did these songs go?Where did those dreams go?Where did that hope go?Scattered words,Hopeless dreams, Songless nights.When the day returned,When the calm returned,When the mariner returned,There were no words left to greet him.What could she say?What could she write?What could she pray?… That hadn’t been whispered before?The first day,The oak tree was a stranger.The first week,The stranger was a foreigner.The first month,The foreigner was a kinsman.Silence after silence,Monosyllable after monosyllable,Rose after rose,The oak tree became a home again.For the skittish squirrel,For the fluttering swift,For the mountain rose.Oh but for how long?Until the next storm,Until the next war,Until the next flight,This is where I raise my tent.The season will come and dance,The winds will come and whirl,The sun and moon will come and go.Fluttering the flaps of my tent.You will leave again.You will return again.Fluttering through my frazzled heart. Will you stay this time?Ask the forgotten forest.Ask the foggy horizon.Ask the bedewed rosebud.
Every dawn,
Every sunset,
Every single day,
She went to tread on the edge…
Her lips salty,
Her toes sandy,
and her cheeks too, salty.
Golden waves after waves.
Crimson caresses after caresses.
Midnight mantles after mantles,
And the sky ever present.
All those colors would make her sigh.
Pink hues,
Blue wisps,
Dark velvet.
The whisper of the ocean,
The glimmer of the stars
The dance of the moon,
Would keep her company.
One day, she would whisper back,
One day he will return, she would holler back,
One day he will return to me, she would cry.
Teardrops feeding the ocean,
Songs pouring into the splatters,
Dreams buried deep in the sand.
She was always there.
He wasn’t.
She was always hoping,
He wasn’t.
She was always standing,
He wasn’t.
But she kept on
Wandering
Lingering
Waiting.
Will he return today?
A ship broke the dance
Of the waves
Of the seagulls
Of the old hermit.
She knew that banner,
She knew that ship,
She knew that voice.
But she didn’t know her own voice.
But she didn’t know human language.
But she didn’t know her own name.
Words had flocked away.
Who was that hagard old woman?
Who was that wind beaten corpse?
Who was that staggering creature?
More bones than flesh,
More grey than gold,
More ragged than soft.
Tear after tear,
Whisper after whisper,
Vigil after vigil,
What was left?
He did return, the admiral.
He did return, the knight.
He did return, the sparrow.
Did you see his eyes?
Thundering waves.
Blistering despair.
Earth shattering droplets.
What had become of his ladylove?
Down to his knees,
Face in the sand,
Hand to his head.
Where was his gentle lady?
Bony twigs in his hair.
Sodden feathers on his forehead.
Sandpaper against his cheeks.
He looked up.
Those eyes…
A beacon in the dark sea.
A flare in the stormy night.
A star in the endless mist.
Those eyes….
He knew.
He missed.
He cherished.
His hand found her cheek.
His lips found her lips.
His arms found her frame.
The dawn revealed them,
Nestled like birdlings in the storm.
Meshed like ivy on a crumbling wall.
Merged like a comet in a crater.
His tears found hers.
Her pleas found his.
Their heart found their hearth.
As the sun rose in the blue sky,
A tired seaman stood with an old woman.
A wandering knight stood with his beloved lady.
A young boy stood with a little girl.
Hands linked,
Hearts tied
Souls entwined.
One day, he did return to me…
Yesterday,
You dreamt I said goodbye.
I wrote about saying goodbye.
I tried to say goodbye.
But here I am.
Not quite here,
Not quite there.
A vision,
A memory,
A ghost,
Just like you.
Do I haunt you?
Do I whisper in your ear?
Do I linger in your arms?
Because I hear you
In the broad day light.
Because I hear you
In the middle of breakfast.
Because I feel you
In the deep night.
I know this song so well.
I’ve sung it before, like a hymn.
I’ve drunk it before, like poison.
I’ve stretched it before, like a canvas.
Don’t tell my friends,
Don’t tell my mama,
Don’t tell my cat,
There she goes again;
They’ll sigh.
On and on
Over and over
Higher and higher
Like a swing,
Like a hurricane,
Like a galaxy.
A heart that doesn’t know
How to turn away
How to walk away
How to run away.
A heart that only knows how to
Love
Love
and love.
You said goodnight
But you meant goodbye.
I said goodbye
But I meant goodnight.
Oh but the rain keeps on falling…
Like a gushing torrent.
Like a weeping ocean.
Like a glistering curtain.
Tomorrow,
The fields will be green.
The flowers will be bedewed.
The letterbox will be empty.
… But I will still be waiting.
When did you walk in my cabin?When dd you settle by the fire?When did you start to hold my hand?I don’t remember.Do you remember?Say you do.Say something.There a notebook on the coffee table.The pages are torn off.The cover is ink stained.The binding is unravelling.Can I still write to you? I asked.Of course. But I won’t answer. You replied. The words run wild in my hair.The words fly away through blue sky.The words scatter away far away.Do you ever hear echoes in the night?I hope you don’t.I hope you do.I hope you don’t. Those pages I barely wrote.Those pages I never sent.Those pages I burned off.They were not for you.They were for me.If I told you that,I miss you.If I told you that,You are still the one.If I told you that,I still cry on the inside.Would it change anything?The street will remain empty.The door will remain closed.The night will remain silent.I will always remember The sound of the door closing.The sound of the silence after.The sound of my own grief.But I can’t rememberThe first thing you said to me.The first thing we laughed about.The first thing that made us cry.I open the window,and the silence is filled with the sighs of early birds.and the darkness is filled with hazy starlight.and my loneliness is filled with the isolation of a confined humanity. I am not alone,We’re all alone.I’m not alone,You are alone.Yesterday,Alone together.Tonight,Alone apart.Farewell, My shy sparrow,My uprooted oak,My forever wandering knight.
Layla Ali Sultan 