The illusion of choice
Bright colorful shops
One after the other
Smiling made up faces
One after the other.
Glossy well arranged food
One after the other.
The variety
The quantity
The avidity
That hunger that leads all humans
More
More
And more.
Faster
Faster
And faster.
Stronger
Stronger
And stronger.
Worshiping those
Who sell.
Sanctifying those
Who endorse.
Idolizing those
Who promote.
With their fat salaries
And our insatiable desire
And our insatiable need
And our insatiable hunger.
For what we don't truly need.
And those pits of unsold clothes.
And those pyres of unsold cars.
And those pyramids of unsold trash.
Gathering
Dust.
Gathering
Ashes.
Gathering
Flies.
How much waste can on our enlightened civilization create?
Giving up even our name
For a bargain.
Giving up even our children
For attention.
Giving up even our integrity
For possession.
Consuming us…
Since those first mills
Since those first factories
Since those first slavehouses.
Our civilization of human rights…
Built on fabric made by modern day slavery.
Hidden
Far off
Far away.
I know,
You know,
We all know.
But just need to get it.
Ignorance is bliss.
Bliss is possession.
Possession is salvation.
All bow to the lord of cryptocurrency.
There isn't much time left
For the poet's lament
For the writer's warning
For the mystic's dream
AI will soon make it better.
Make us forget our painfully slow brains.
Make us forget our painfully aging bodies.
Make us forget our painfully boring lives.
All hail the birth of a new deity.
Who will win?
Our personal idols of unspoken needs?
Our common idol of coins, bills and virtuality?
Our new arrificial sexless ageless genderless perfection intelligence?
Have we finally found eternity?
Alas,
We shall fall in this trap.
We shall settle in this cage.
We shall exist in this illusion.
Forgetting
Every day more
Every breath more
Every image more
Our Creator
Our Destination
Our Solace.
And yet, never be unforgotten in His Presence.
It doesn't cost
Your money
Your body
Your baby
To just be… in His Presence.
There is a balance in nature
There is a balance in my heart
There is a balance in our existence
Today,
I sowed a bulb
I discarded dead leaves.
Today
I cast off a dream
I planted a prayer.
Today,
We trembled with deadly anguish
We took a deep calming breath.
How does the world not collapse?
When there is so much joy?
When there is so much horror?
When there its so much magma?
Bubbling and breaking through
Burning and seeping through
Melting and rising through
Breaking the crust of the earth
Breaking the hearts of humans
Breaking the heart of cities
And leaving only rubbles
And leaving only silence
And leaving only dust
And terrible cold
And terrible hunger
And terrible wounds
Will they ever heal?
My heart shivers
My soul rises
My thoughts stagger
And yet, here I am…
In a peaceful land
In a yet standing house
In a thriving city.
What will happen tomorrow?
Only the Creator knows
Only the Destructor knows
Only the Transformer knows.
He,
Who gives us life.
He.
Who takes us back.
He.
Who changes our state.
My loss are but pebbles to theirs.
My pain is but a shadow to theirs
My longing is but a whisper to theirs.
How can I complain?
And yet,
He litens.
And yet,
He gibes.
And yet.
He guides.
He is always here.
And none of my words can express
And none of my words can encompass
And none of my words can capture
Who He is.
Even the words I use now
Even the pronouns I use now
Even the attributes I use now
Are limited.
And I call myself a poet…
How can I express what my souls see?
How can I express what my heart perceives?
How can I express what my mind cannot touch?
Do you hear Him
Do you feel Him
Do you see Him
In my words?
Or are they just empty utterance
Or are they just clever delusions
Or are they hollow sentiments
Do they mean something?
And yet I try…
To draw from the well of my soul
To call from the depth of my heart
To reach beyond the limits of my being
To find some balance.
And with words,
Create a rhythm
Create a lullaby
Create a litany
To keep me sane.
To keep me calm
To keep me balanced.
Lest my heart drowns me in despair.
So many voices swirling around
So many sounds dashing about
So many screams darting about
Too much - Too much!
Too many images flashing about
Too many photos lying about
Too many selfies cluttering about.
Too much - Too much!
So many lies published here.
So much slander written there.
So many ideas twisted about.
Too much - Too much!
How can we find rest here?
How can we find peace here?
How can we find solace here?
And yet, we cling on
To those screens
To those devices
To those boxes
Thinking through them
Living through them
Loving through them
And leaving a legacy on it.
Something to be erased
and forgotten.
Something to be discarded
and forgotten.
Something to be shared
and forgotten.
Lost.
So much time wasted.
So many feelings lost
So many words hollowed
Written
Edited
Shared
until it doesn’t mean anything.
Lost in the froth
Lost in the surface
Lost in the illusion
How can they ever swim into
The velvety depths
The ever moving immensity
The eternal circumambulations
How can they understand it?
How can they feel it?
How can they belong to it?
When they are amused
When they are focused
When they are taken
By the sparkling bubbles on the surface
By the shattering clutter on the surface
By the swirling waves on the surface
Utterly lost to them
Utterly melded to them
Utterly maddened by them
Becoming a host
Becoming a slave
Becoming a servant
Of those little rivulets
of distraction
Of those little droplets
of sensation
Of those little dribs
of devastation
So intensely focused
So deeply encroached
So utterly enslaved
By nothingness.
Am I one of them?
Will I be one of them?
Are you one of them?
Can we still pull away?
Can we still run away?
Can we still fly away?
Beyond these veils of delusions
Beyond these veils of illusion
Beyond these veils of addiction
And find our way back
To sanity
To stability
To serenity
Back to
Our Healer
Our Protector
Our Creator
– The Source of it all.
There’s a mirror in front of me
There’s an echo around me
Reflecting back my own self
Echoing back my own words…
With a hint of something else.
Hello !?
Is there’s someone out there?
Someone that I understand
Someone who understands me
Someone like me.
Oh that looks so familiar.
Oh that sounds so familiar.
It must be home.
I hold out my hands
I open my arms
And I hold for dear life.
Finally.
And the dream fades away
And the ghost slips away
And the apparition runs away.
Leaving me scattered.
Leaving me northless
Leaving me breathless.
Filled with questions…
Who are you?
When you are not pleasing someone.
When you are not echoing someone.
When you are not mirroring someone?
Who are you?
When you are not hiding yourself
When you are not painting yourself.
When you are not imagining yourself?
Who are you?
Questions
Echoes
Silence.
You don’t even know.
You don’t even wonder.
You don’t even dare.
And yet,
There’s a spark.
There’s a whisper.
There’s a rhythm
In your heartbeat
In your gaze
In your soul
That mesmerizes me.
Who are you?
When you are not behind a screen.
When you are not lost in translation.
When you are not behind a smart quote.
Who are you?
Intrigued,
The cat is trapped.
Intrigued,
The bird is caged.
Intrigued,
The wolf is killed.
All that remains is…
A fur-less creature
A skin-less nymph
A coat-less beast.
Still,
Feathers can grow back
Fur can grow back.
Skin can grow back.
Regenerate.
And a soul is indestructible.
Grow
Glow
Go
On and on.
But what of those
Whose souls are tainted
Whose souls are lost
Whose souls are torn
What of those poor souls?
Who are you?
Without knowing your soul.
Who are you?
Without cleaning your soul.
Who are you?
Without mending your soul.
May you find healing.
May you find safety.
May you find peace…
With the Creator.
Who knows my soul.
Who knows your soul.
Who knows our end.
Dear phantom
Dear Ghost
Dear Mirage
Wisp of air
Breath of wind
Tendril of breeze
Fading
Sleeping
Smouldering.
Ashes
To scatter
To bury
To nourish
Deeply anchored roots.
You were but a chirp
You were but a melody
You were but a longing
In the valley of love.
All valleys must be crossed
All mountains must be climbed
All hollows must be weathered.
I wander on…
This new summit was bare and craggy
This new path was drab and slippery
This new valley is silent and misty.
Far from you -
Deceitful illusion
Tantalizing dream
Beautiful delusion;
How very quiet it is
How very lonely it is
How very bitter it is.
In this quietness, there’s a song-
In this loneliness, there is A Presence-
In this bitterness, there is a hue of honey.
In absence…
I am and yet I am not.
New feathers are growing
New wings are aching
New notes are tinkling.
Renewed
Reawakened
Returned
To a new form
To a new hope
To a new mind.
Tired old soul.
Childish young sou.
Unique soul
Belonging
to
the
ONE.
My birds wake at dawn
My birds vanish at sunset
My birds flit by all day.
Their each have their voice
They each have their song
They each have their dreams
Have you heard them?
Have you seen them?
Have you followed them?
By those lonely city trees
Through those sleepy bushes
In those wavering woods.
Follow them
Follow them we must.
Follow them
Follow them you must
Follow them
Follow them till the end
Of this winding way
Of this spiralling way
Of this rising way.
Through the ages
Through the vales
Through the day.
My birds are calling me
My birds are delighting me
My birds are beckoning me
For another dance
For another song
For another adventure.
Come, come, they say.
Fly, fly, they say.
Sing, sing, they say.
You won’t lose your way
this time.
You won’t fall
this time.
You won’t lose your voice
This time.
How they brave the wild winds
How they endure this strange weather.
How they flourish in the city wilderness.
Indomptable
Unstoppable
Unforgettable.
Delicate wings
Sweet voices
Light gait
But how far they fly!
But how long they strive!
But how long they sing!
Dear winged drops of hope
Dear feathered dew of dreams
Dear tinkling chords of prayers
I am grateful that you exist
Yet,
These birds do not belong to me.
They belong to the trees
They belong to themselves
They belong to Our Creator.
Utter freedom.
Utter beauty.
Utter peace.
I don’t have pets,
I have a garden full of birds.
I don’t have children,
I have a garden full of cherries.
I don’t have a husband,
I have a garden full of roses.
Delicious silence,
Intoxicating absence,
Heady vacancy.
Poetry in the dawn breeze,
Songs in the afternoon sun,
Dancing in the moonlight.
A solitude filled
with such beautiful stories
with such beautiful songs
with such beautiful sighs.
And prayers.
What is beyond these woods?
What is beyond that valley?
What is beyond that day?
God knows…
Therein I place my trust.
Therein I build my home.
Therein I keep my peace.
My home,
My Lord.
My love,
My Lord.
My joy,
My Lord.
Alone
but never out of sorts.
Alone
but never out hope.
Alone
but never out of dreams.
May I forget those ghosts
who linger in my thoughts.
May I forget those ghosts
who hover in my hopes.
May I forget those ghosts
who drift in my reveries.
Those who left my path
Those who broke our bridge
Those who closed that gate
Must remain gone.
Unless they have found a map
Unless they have found a compass
Unless they have found their direction
and they know our journey must be one.
But such things only happen in
dreams
stories
songs
So I will weave but I shall not hope.
Let it be as God wills it.
I don’t want a new dress
I don’t want a new face
I don’t want a new love
New is unknown.
New is foreign.
New is tiresome.
I want to be known.
I want to know.
To know without words.
I want to slip in a warm home.
I want to slip in a familiar bed.
I want to drift in familiar woods.
I dream of them…
The ghost who slipped through my fingers
The ghost who slit open my heart
The ghosts who could only linger;
Never stay.
Who are those strangers?
Stranger to my heart.
Who are those foreigners?
Foreigner to my heart.
Who are those intruders?
Intruders to my heart.
Can’t let them know.
Can’t let them in.
Can’t let them stay.
Tired rain-heavy roses
Scattering scattering
Lolling lolling.
Fading fading.
Is it too late?
Is it too soon?
Patience
Peace.
Prayer.
My lips move
Wordlessly.
My wings move
Flightlessly
My heart moves
Restlessly.
Love always sputters out
Love always springs out
Love always sprouts out.
Ivy on crumbly towers
Roses on crumbly gates
Daisies on crumbly lands.
Life and Love
Love and Life.
Lush leaves glistering
Thick sap sputtering
Unseen fungi sprouting.
What is old springs new life.
New life springs from the old.
But none of those strangers are you.
And yet,
I must embrace the new season.
And yet,
I must embrace the new songs.
And yet,
I must embrace the new awakening.
We are made of atoms
We are made of sighs
We are made of particles
of the same stars
of the same rocks
of the same earth
And perhaps,
That spark
That glint
That echo
could be found in another.
For when we love the moon,
We love reflected light.
For when we love lakes,
We love reflected light.
For when we love others
We love reflected Light.
And in that Light
We are forever entwined
We are forever found
We are forever united.
And perhaps my prayers
become gems
become roses
become warmth
bestowed on you.
And you know you are not forgotten.
And you know you are not unloved.
And you know you are not hated.
And you know…
As God decrees.
As God allows.
As God enables.
I dreamt that moment
so many times
I prayed for that moment
so many times
I imagined that moment
so many times.
Curtain lifting
Dawn breaking
Mists rising
You & me
Me & you.
Face to face,
Voice to voice,
Smile to mile.
But you are silent
But you are deaf
But you are gone
And I’m still here.
Loving myself
Holding myself
Keeping myself
Yet, still, yearning for you.
Yet, still, hoping for you.
Yet, still, longing for you.
For you,
Love is longing.
For you,
Love is pain.
For you,
Love is distance.
And I am gone, now.
What I wished
What I hoped
What I craved
Wasn’t to be.
God knows best.
And I wish to love Him
more than you.
And I wish to trust Him
more than myself.
And I wish to find Him
more than a lover.
God knows best.
That man isn’t you.
He spoke like you.
He wrote like you.
He weaved like you.
Pretty words
Pretty prayers
Pretty feelings.
Matching his words with deeds
Unlike you.
Keeping his words light
Unlike you.
Respecting me with his words
Unlike you.
I wish i could write an elegy for you.
But you are still living,
There’s still hope for you.
And for me?
There’s possibility
There’s hope
There’s tomorrow.
Without you
My heart,
breaking
hoping
striving
Without you.
There’s something my mind knows
that my heart cannot understand.
There’s something my heart knows
that my mind cannot understand.
I look for words
I look for colours
I look for chords
To string together
Those petals
Those feathers
Those tears
And make a necklace
And make a crown
And make a wreath.
I cannot speak any more
I cannot write any more
I cannot sing any more
Without chocking
Without stumbling
Without crying…
Lover of words
Weaver of words
Breather of words
What do I do when words fail me?
I go on
I breathe on
I write on.
This is how I’ve always lived
Before that dark forest
Before that deep chasm
Before that bitter night.
And dawn still comes
And birds still sing.
And flowers still bloom.
There’s something my mind knows
that my heart cannot understand.
There’s something my heart knows
that my mind cannot understand.
So I stay awake
So I stay at war.
So I stay aware…
Of that deep pool of pain.
Of that deep drop of despair.
Of that deep trickling trail.
And I turn to my Creator.
The One that I loved,
before him.
The One that I still love,
after him.
Patience,
Patience,
Patience always.
Perhaps I am not made for Your creatures.
Perhaps I am not made for human beings.
Perhaps I am not made for human love.
Oh I can love,
Your creation.
Oh I can nurture,
Your creation.
Oh I can hold,
Your creation.
But my heart
But my soul
But my wings
Remain my own.
There’s something my mind knows
that my heart cannot understand.
There’s something my heart knows
that my mind cannot understand.
An illusion
A dream
A chimera
that faded as soon as I touched it.
It made me long for,
It made me believe,
It made me hope for,
A soul that understood mine,
A heart that felt mine,
A path that became mine.
Leaving me seeking
Leaving me thirsting
Leaving me burning
For something that never existed.
Why did you trouble my peace?
Why did you break my solitude?
Why did you steal my song?
To scatter me away before my roses could bloom?
Reminding me once more,
That I do not belong here.
That I do not belong to them.
That I only belong to the One.
Layla Ali Sultan 