The smoke has faded,
The dust has settled,
The mists have receded.
There are no footballer and no singer.
There are no husband and no wife.
There are no lonely scholar and lonely mystic.
There’s a priestess,
There’s a princess,
There’s a wild creature,
Racing through marshes and woods.
Hurling through vales and peaks,
Howling through hollows and mounts.
Panting,
Growling,
Hollering.
Can you hear the call?
You are lying in the bed you never made.
You are lying in the ruins of your own words.
You are lying in a hollow of dried hopes.
Can you hear the call?
You are fighting that longing.
You are drying that well.
You are bottling up that hope.
But you cannot sleep,
Can you?
But you cannot escape,
Can you?
But you cannot forget,
Can you?
It’s a breath,
It’s a whisper,
It’s a a cry.
There’s a door,
There’s a path,
There’s a book,
You’ve opened.
It haunts you,
It calls you,
It beckons you.
Wake up,
Why won’t you wake up?
Sit up,
Why won’t you sit up?
Stand up,
why won’t you stand up.
Your body is shivering.
Your heart is quivering.
Your soul is glimmering.
You found her.
She came to you.
Both ran apart.
Why,
Do you wonder why?
Of course you do,
Fellow traveller,
Friend,
My love.
As you toss and turn,
As you fast and pray
As you wait and listen,
I pray,
I sing,
I weave,
A few lines
To keep you warm.
To keep you safe,
To keep you sane.
… And light your way.
You confessed something.
I confessed everything.
Childhood dreams.
Childhood tales.
She was a tired crooner
He was an injured footballer.
He read her words
Before he coud hear her voice.
She knew his game
Before she could watch him run.
Who are you?
Who am I?
Who are they?
The smoke like a mist,
The percussion like thunder,
The stage like a funeral parlor.
Friends?
No I don’t do friends.
Date?
No I don’t date.
Marriage?
No I’m not ready.
She ran,
to return to her old songs.
He left,
to return for another chase.
Lustrous eyes
Hurried breaths,
Shivering fingers.
Love, is it love?
Not now, my love, not now.
Too late, my love, too late.
Too fast, my love, too fast.
Dainty,
Regal,,
Sensitive.
A wingless bird.
Noble,
Strong,
Gentle.
A voiceless lion.
Lips almost meeting,
Fingertips almost lingering,
Hearts almost meeting.
Frozen in time.
Did you hear her latest hit?
Slow and mellow,
Warm and glowing,
Melancholic and elated.
Did you watch his last game?
Fast and fierce,
Calm and tough,
Hopeful and despairing.
No, they didn’t see it.
Only those who have eyes see.
Only those who have light see.
Only those who have hearts see.
Hearts that have tasted pure terror.
Hearts that have tasted pure bliss.
Hearts that have tasted pure love.
Like in those rusted songs,
Like in those dusty movies,
Like in these wilted poems.
That you grew up with.
That you grew out of.
That you are growing back to.
All for an unexpected love…
The kind of love that just cannot exist;
Unless, it is blessed,
Unless it is bestowed,
Unless it is decreed,
By the One who,
Choreographs the dance of the moon and sun.
Embroiders the colors of winter and summer.
Conducts the lament of the wind and the sea.
What do they know?
What can they know?
How can they know?
He collects teary eyed,
Words from her dreams.
She sings in utter abandon
Words he thinks.
He carries like a crown,
Words she coons.
Midsummer sighs.
Midyear prayers.
Midlife rebirth,
Entwined,
Interwoven,
Interlocked,
Before they knew.
Before they hoped.
Before they existed.
Tell me,
Is this the dream we shared?
Tell me,
Is this the hope you carried?
Tell me,
Is it the fairytale He designed?
You and I.
Me and you.
Us?
Yesterday,The wind blew through the deadwood.Last week,The rain trickled through the thick woods.Last month,The wet slaps stole the young blossoms.What a night!What a week!What a month!My cheeks remember.My fingers tingle.My heat beats.Beats,Beats on.Beats on,Beats on and on.But the winds faded into a sigh.But the rain faded into a puddle. But the tempest faded into a raft.Leaving the nights silent.Leaving the ground splayed.Leaving the horizon empty. Until the dawn returned…Decked in gold,Covered in gossamer,Dressed in glory.The swallow had barely made it.The butterfly had barely survived it.The rosebuds had barely endured it.Colorless wings,Feathered nests,Scattered petals.Where did these songs go?Where did those dreams go?Where did that hope go?Scattered words,Hopeless dreams, Songless nights.When the day returned,When the calm returned,When the mariner returned,There were no words left to greet him.What could she say?What could she write?What could she pray?… That hadn’t been whispered before?The first day,The oak tree was a stranger.The first week,The stranger was a foreigner.The first month,The foreigner was a kinsman.Silence after silence,Monosyllable after monosyllable,Rose after rose,The oak tree became a home again.For the skittish squirrel,For the fluttering swift,For the mountain rose.Oh but for how long?Until the next storm,Until the next war,Until the next flight,This is where I raise my tent.The season will come and dance,The winds will come and whirl,The sun and moon will come and go.Fluttering the flaps of my tent.You will leave again.You will return again.Fluttering through my frazzled heart. Will you stay this time?Ask the forgotten forest.Ask the foggy horizon.Ask the bedewed rosebud.
Every dawn,
Every sunset,
Every single day,
She went to tread on the edge…
Her lips salty,
Her toes sandy,
and her cheeks too, salty.
Golden waves after waves.
Crimson caresses after caresses.
Midnight mantles after mantles,
And the sky ever present.
All those colors would make her sigh.
Pink hues,
Blue wisps,
Dark velvet.
The whisper of the ocean,
The glimmer of the stars
The dance of the moon,
Would keep her company.
One day, she would whisper back,
One day he will return, she would holler back,
One day he will return to me, she would cry.
Teardrops feeding the ocean,
Songs pouring into the splatters,
Dreams buried deep in the sand.
She was always there.
He wasn’t.
She was always hoping,
He wasn’t.
She was always standing,
He wasn’t.
But she kept on
Wandering
Lingering
Waiting.
Will he return today?
A ship broke the dance
Of the waves
Of the seagulls
Of the old hermit.
She knew that banner,
She knew that ship,
She knew that voice.
But she didn’t know her own voice.
But she didn’t know human language.
But she didn’t know her own name.
Words had flocked away.
Who was that hagard old woman?
Who was that wind beaten corpse?
Who was that staggering creature?
More bones than flesh,
More grey than gold,
More ragged than soft.
Tear after tear,
Whisper after whisper,
Vigil after vigil,
What was left?
He did return, the admiral.
He did return, the knight.
He did return, the sparrow.
Did you see his eyes?
Thundering waves.
Blistering despair.
Earth shattering droplets.
What had become of his ladylove?
Down to his knees,
Face in the sand,
Hand to his head.
Where was his gentle lady?
Bony twigs in his hair.
Sodden feathers on his forehead.
Sandpaper against his cheeks.
He looked up.
Those eyes…
A beacon in the dark sea.
A flare in the stormy night.
A star in the endless mist.
Those eyes….
He knew.
He missed.
He cherished.
His hand found her cheek.
His lips found her lips.
His arms found her frame.
The dawn revealed them,
Nestled like birdlings in the storm.
Meshed like ivy on a crumbling wall.
Merged like a comet in a crater.
His tears found hers.
Her pleas found his.
Their heart found their hearth.
As the sun rose in the blue sky,
A tired seaman stood with an old woman.
A wandering knight stood with his beloved lady.
A young boy stood with a little girl.
Hands linked,
Hearts tied
Souls entwined.
One day, he did return to me…
Yesterday,
You dreamt I said goodbye.
I wrote about saying goodbye.
I tried to say goodbye.
But here I am.
Not quite here,
Not quite there.
A vision,
A memory,
A ghost,
Just like you.
Do I haunt you?
Do I whisper in your ear?
Do I linger in your arms?
Because I hear you
In the broad day light.
Because I hear you
In the middle of breakfast.
Because I feel you
In the deep night.
I know this song so well.
I’ve sung it before, like a hymn.
I’ve drunk it before, like poison.
I’ve stretched it before, like a canvas.
Don’t tell my friends,
Don’t tell my mama,
Don’t tell my cat,
There she goes again;
They’ll sigh.
On and on
Over and over
Higher and higher
Like a swing,
Like a hurricane,
Like a galaxy.
A heart that doesn’t know
How to turn away
How to walk away
How to run away.
A heart that only knows how to
Love
Love
and love.
You said goodnight
But you meant goodbye.
I said goodbye
But I meant goodnight.
Oh but the rain keeps on falling…
Like a gushing torrent.
Like a weeping ocean.
Like a glistering curtain.
Tomorrow,
The fields will be green.
The flowers will be bedewed.
The letterbox will be empty.
… But I will still be waiting.
When did you walk in my cabin?When dd you settle by the fire?When did you start to hold my hand?I don’t remember.Do you remember?Say you do.Say something.There a notebook on the coffee table.The pages are torn off.The cover is ink stained.The binding is unravelling.Can I still write to you? I asked.Of course. But I won’t answer. You replied. The words run wild in my hair.The words fly away through blue sky.The words scatter away far away.Do you ever hear echoes in the night?I hope you don’t.I hope you do.I hope you don’t. Those pages I barely wrote.Those pages I never sent.Those pages I burned off.They were not for you.They were for me.If I told you that,I miss you.If I told you that,You are still the one.If I told you that,I still cry on the inside.Would it change anything?The street will remain empty.The door will remain closed.The night will remain silent.I will always remember The sound of the door closing.The sound of the silence after.The sound of my own grief.But I can’t rememberThe first thing you said to me.The first thing we laughed about.The first thing that made us cry.I open the window,and the silence is filled with the sighs of early birds.and the darkness is filled with hazy starlight.and my loneliness is filled with the isolation of a confined humanity. I am not alone,We’re all alone.I’m not alone,You are alone.Yesterday,Alone together.Tonight,Alone apart.Farewell, My shy sparrow,My uprooted oak,My forever wandering knight.
After the rushing trickles,After the hurried gasps,After the crackling fires,There’s a pool.Calm,Motionless,ReflectingThe blaze of the sun.The gleam of the moon.The glimmer of the stars.Reflecting deeply.No sorrowNo joyNo sigh.What is gone, is gone.What is left, is left.What is, is.… But what is that?Tell me, please, tell me.Write again, please, write again.Hope once more, please, hope once more.But the boulders have rolled down.But the wind has died down.But the birds have settled down.And there are no answers.The river is black with ink.The river is gray with tears.The river is white with remembrance. Until I saw the crescent moon.I left the cabin in the woods.I left the room full of books.I left the two cups of tea.and I kept on walking.Stone in my chest.Ashes in my throat.Brambles in my eyes.and I kept on walking.Tears tickling down,Hope dashing away,Dreams buried away,and I kept on walking.Parched lips.Rumbling stomach.Empty heart.Found, found my way.Away, away to find.Found my way back home.To What is beyond those stars.To What is higher than this sun.To What is more real than reality.Home.Tell me love, Weren’t you headed this way too?Tell me my sparrow,Weren’t we headed this way together?Tell me my oak tree,Were we longing for the same destination? As I walk on,I can see your eyes,I can hear your words,I can feel your warmth,In a flash,In a flutter,In a twinkle,Of my heart. Maybe, as I make my way Home,Maybe, as I make my way to Freedom.Maybe, as I make my way to Peace. Around the bend I will find,A kindred spirit,A fellow wanderer.A familiar presence.Fingers entwined,Palm to palm,Souls entwined,We will walk side by side, again.Never parting,Never cleaving,Never untanglingUntil we reach Our Destination.
There was a green light
There was a gentle breeze
There was a hushed prayer
Now there is only silence.
They said that the internet is a haunted place.
I can hear the echo of your words.
I can feel the whisper of your warmth.
I can sense the gentleness of your farewell.
But you are not here.
The stars dance around,
The moon waxes and wanes,
The waves come and go,
You are really gone this time.
Yet,
One page after the other,
One flutter after the other,
One tear after the other,
You remain here.
Isn’t this what I always do….
Cling to the vanishing morn.
Hold on to the drifting crest.
Reach for the hazy mirage.
My eyes don’t see.
My brain doesn’t compute.
My hand don’t hold.
But my heart tells another story.
Before you came through the path,
Before your burst the dam,
Before you carved through the cave,
My heart was hidden under a cairn.
You dug and dug,
You drag and drag,
You hurt and hurt
Until you found it.
The cascading stream,
The rolling boulders,
The crashing wings,
Oh so such a racket!
You woke up the dead.
You woke up the dreamer.
You woke up the damsel.
No more dreams,
No more sleep,
No more escape…
You were here.
A solid oak.
An everlasting sequoia.
A bending willow.
You were here.
In my thoughts,
In my dreams,
In my words.
I ran.
I hid.
I turned around.
I ran, to you.
I hid in your arms.
I retuned to you.
Until you left.
Perhaps,
I long for a rush under my wings,
I long for a crumbling tower to flee,
I long for absence to weave a song.
This is why I always choose,
Those who run.
Those who fade.
Those who drift.
Leaving me,
Bruised,
Alone
But free.
Or, perhaps,
I long for the impossible.
I long for the unreachable.
I long for the intangible.
And chase something only I can sense.
But what about you?
My sparrow,
My oak tree,
My gentle love,
What do you long for?
I listen,
I write,
I pray,
… Only silence.
Longing is sweet in the morning,Longing is bitter in the night,Longing is all I have.No feather touches No butterfly kisses No fluttering hearts Just the ghost of a hope.Sometimes I wonder,If I love longing more than you.If I love absence more than you.If I love silence more than you.But longing is a poisonThat seeps gentlyThat climbs quicklyThat overwhelm evidently.Longing is all have. My words are what you thirst.My words are what drives you.My words are what you hear last.In your dreams,They build you a cabin.In your dreams,They take you to another world.In your dreams,They hold you close to my heart.Words are all you have.No expectation,No demands,No promisesI insist.But I weave a cloak of dreams But I embroider a tapestry of hopeBut I knit a blanket of desires.To shield us-To cover us-To keep us -Safe.I keep on expecting for the bridge to give way.I keep on expecting for the welcoming tent to fade.I keep on expecting for the stairway to crumble.My expectation don’t weigh a thing….Desolating.Solitude.Loss.My expectation are not for your back.They are for my lonely nights.They are for my shy mornings.They are for my quiet afternoons.On and on.I don’t expect much,But I hope too much.And yet,The bridge doest doesn’t give way to the river.The tent doest fade into the searing heat.The stairways doesn’t crumble into dust.You are still here.Facing my wild winds.Facing my colorful canvases.Facing my winding thoughts.I was always too much.I was always too loud.I was always too strange.But to you,I am your homeland,You whisper.You shiver.You mouth.Yet, you are afraid to take roots in this rich soil. Yet, you are terrified of being swept off by my wild winds. Yet, you are terrified to let that new shoot reach up and grow.I tremble,I pray,I cry,…. You could leave but you never do.So I become your armor.So I become your tower.So I become your shelter.And you become a hope.And you become a whisper.And you become a dream.
When I send you a smile
It’s a hand on your shoulder.
When I send you a rose,
It’s a kiss on your cheek.
When I send you a picture,
It’s my hand reaching for yours.
Words are all we have.
Words are never enough.
Patience is all we have.
Patience has to be enough.
Hope is all we have.
Hope is more than enough.
Did you hear?
Did you read?
Do you believe…
The world is ending.
Falling like flies.
Hiding like preys.
Did you feel it?
Did you sense it?
Do you know that…
We are just beginning.
Falling like teenagers.
Hiding like children.
Social distancing
Safety confinement
Self quarantine
All those words mean nothing
When the one you dream of,
When the one you pray for,
When the one you love
Is already so far away.
As we hide from society
As we distance from friends
As we wash our hands again and again.
We open up with cipher.
We cling through a web.
We reach through a net
And hold on to each other.
Like there’s no tomorrow.
Like there’s no one else.
Like there are no bodies.
No hands to hold.
No eyes to behold.
No lips to homage.
Just a few words.
Just a few images.
Just two souls.
Tell me, my love,
Where do we court each other?
In our deeply hidden dreams?
In our hesitant instant messaging?
In that state of being beyond reality?
Is it a love of clicks and swipes?
Is it a love of aesthetics and quotes?
Is it a love of mystical and divine quality?
Why am I even asking when I already know…
Whether it was face to face.
Whether it was here or there.
Whether it was from link to links.
It doesn’t matter really how we found each other.
Unspoken,
Unimaginable,
Unreachable,
Was it always there
In your dreams,
In my songs,
In the Divine Decree…?
Or so, I pray that it is.
They are hoarding
They are despairing.
They are scurrying.
I am scattering my petals.
You are stretching your branches.
Between us, spring is in full bloom.
And we are all praying,
And we are all waiting,
And we are all striving,
For better days to come.
The storm will fall.
The eruption will still.
The outbreak will fade.
And what will remain…
Is beyond our hopes.
Is beyond our fears.
Is beyond our predictions.
But I know that…
When that lull comes,
When that dawn breaks,
When that beacon lights,
It is to you that I shall fly to.
Layla Ali Sultan 