If you were mine,
Like a rose.
If you were mine,
Like a cat.
If you were mine,
Like a gem.
I’d keep you from the storm.
I’d keep keep you from the cold.
I’d keep you from the dust.
Safe,
My love I’d keep you safe.
Happy,
My love I’d keep you happy.
Loved,
My love, I’d keep you loved.
But there’s a web between us.
But there’s a veil between us.
But there’s a road between us.
Like a foliage,
Like gossamer,
Like a helix.
Dusts
Summits
Galaxies.
Closer and closer,
Farther and farther,
Eternally and eternally.
There a thread,
There’s a hope,
There’s a breath,
that can travel through space
that can travel through time
that can travel through universes.
I didn’t choose it.
You didn’t choose it.
It was written.
Where?
How?
Why?
You
&
I.
Here.
Now.
All over.
I follow you.
You follow me.
Linked to each other.
But you are not here,
You are never here.
But I am not there,
I am never there,
And yet,
The seeds do sprout.
And yet,
The sprouts do shoot.
And yet,
The shoots do grow…
Into an oak tree.
Where nightingale can sing.
Where sparrows can hide.
Where thrush can nest.
If you were mine,
I’d be the robin on your shoulder.
If I were yours,
I’d be the cherry tree against your back.
Until then,
Your heart breaks and you worry for me.
My heart breaks and I worry for you.
You are the first.
I am the first.
Still,
Our hands never touch.
Our breaths never mingle.
Our eyes never meet.
If you were mine.
I’d be your comfort.
If I were yours,
You’d be my safety.
Until then,
I am a hope.
You are a dream.
We are a fairytale.
That we whisper to each other,
With a rose.
That we keep from each other,
With a promise.
That we bestow on each other,
With a greeting.
Can you hear her?
Can you feel her?
Can you hold her?
A soft chirp,
A gentle flutter,
A lithe heartbeat.
There’s a song in your heart
There’s a feather in your beard,
There’s a warmth in your palms,
But you cannot see it.
Your branches are high and wide,
Your foliage is battered but blooming,
Your trunk is caved but strong.
An oak,
A cypress,
An aspen,
That survived the Flood.
That survived the Plagues.
That survived the Furies.
Time and time again.
In a world full of coal,
In a world full of smoke,
In a world full of oil spills ,
You thrived.
You know of darkness and the return of the Light,
You know of loneliness and the return to the Presence,
You know of bitterness and the return Forgiveness,
… But ever so lonely.
High there,
Deep within,
Far away,
How cold you must feel,
How silent you must feel,
How tired you mus feel….
But even in this land,
The pale dawn must return,
The gentle breeze must return,
A hopeful spring must return.
Like in the ever expanding darkness,
Like in the ever exploding supernova,
Like in the ever silent galaxies,
There’s a distant glint.
It’s a speck,
Its a dust,
It’s a star.
You looked up to the night sky.
You searched for the crescent moon.
You found an unexpected gleam.
Something you carry with you even in the brightest sunshine.
Something you protect from the fiercest storm.
Something you hold on to even in the bitterest cold.
But you cannot grasp it yet.
But you cannot clasp it yet.
But you cannot wrap it yet.
In your arms.
Your heart yearns for that moment,
Your chest tremble for that embrace,
Your soul shivers for that treasure.
But she isn’t a queen,
decked in diamonds and pearls.
But she isn’t a saint,
decked with distance and perfection.
But she isn’t a prize,
decked with gold and jewels.
She is but a human.
She is but a woman.
She is but a wanderer… Just like you.
A poet, sometimes,
A lady, other times,
A bird, most of the time.
What about you?
Who are you?
A solid oak tree.
Who are you?
A timid sparrow.
Who are you?
A safe valley.
I wish you were a tree
I could rest on.
I wish you were a foliage
I could shelter under.
I wish you were a foret
I could lose myself into.
Instead,
You are a few sentences,
You are a few heartbeats,
You are a few clicks,
and a dream,
and a hope,
and a prayer,
That I have bestowed to God.
One day,
One night,
One magical moment,
My love,
I shall tell your everything.
I shall give you everything.
I shall offer you everything.
One day,
When the time has come.
When the decree has fallen,
When the waiting is fulfilled,
I shall be yours.
You shall be mine.
If God has ordained it.
As God has ordained it.
When God has ordained it.
Until then…
There’s a song in your heart,
There’s a feather in your beard,
There’s a warmth in your palms,
— A bird on your shoulder.
There’s is a softness
There’s is a gentleness
There’s breathlessness
That I carry,
Only for you.
It used to drop from my eyes,
It used to flutter from my lips,
It used to rise from my palms.
Only for you.
Like a protective wing,
Like a delicate feather,
Like a soft plumage,
Only for you.
How swift is this sunshine,
How harsh is this wind,
How loud is that street.
Hustle and bustle,
Morning to eve,
Screen to street.
Noisy,
Roaring,
Heaving.
I cannot escape it.
I walk on,
I fight on,
I fly on.
As without flying,
I cannot remember.
The thud of my heart.
The yearning of my heart.
The secret of my heart.
Only for you.
There’s a story your soul told her.
There’s a song your soul sung to her.
There’s a dream your soul poured into her.
It lingers in the air…
Like musk,
Like a breath,
Like a presence.
There’s a bite in your gentleness.
There’s a cruelty in your softness.
There’s an icicle in your warmth.
You left her bruised.
Were you careless?
Were you thoughtless?
Were you heedless?
Or did you devise it?
Walked through the woods.
Peeked through the curtains.
Swam through the rapids.
Until you found her…
The wild damsel.
The free creature.
The gentle girl.
Dancing,
Singing,
Weaving
Feathers,
Tears
And smiles.
What a tender smile,
You think.
What a gentle face,
You say.
What a soft hand,
You sigh.
How healing,
How warm,
How quenching.
You delight in her.
You hide in her.
You regenerate in her.
Look at those trampled violets,
Look a those ruffled feathers,
Look at those broken branches.
You held her too tight,
You discarded her too hastily.
Starving.
Hungry.
Famish.
Like a child.
Like a boy.
Like a stray.
It will fade,
It will eventually fade.
The pain,
The memory,
The loneliness…
Yet,
You remain hungry.
Yet,
She remains lost.
And you both roam,
And you both wander,
And you both ramble.
Aimlessly.
Bones aching.
Brain aching.
Beating, beating aching hearts.
One decision,
One word,
One step,
And spring can return.
The question,
The presence,
The augur,
Linger, linger
Linger in the air.
Tell me, my sweet,
Will spring ever return?
Sweet and soft
Timid and pale,
Vanishing and whispering,
You made me forget the harsh wind.
What were you searching for?
What were you running from?
What were you hoping for?
We both listened to each other’s silences.
We both gazed into each other’s universes.
We both held on to each other’s heartbeats.
Deep at night,
I can still feel you.
I can still hear you.
I can still hold you.
Deep in my dreams.
My darling sparrow
My shy sparrow
My strong sparrow.
I followed you
Through forests and fields.
Through fields and mountains.
Through mountains and forests.
But it wasn’t enough.
There were so many lands,
There were so many oceans,
There were so many galaxies,
Yet to be beheld together.
I close my eyes,
I hold up my hands,
I let my soul fly away.
And I am the breeze on your cheek,
And I am the flutter on your shoulder,
And I am the whisper in your heart.
Dear love.
When the fire burns logs into cinders.
When the wind blows those cinders.
When the earth cradle those cinders.
When the moon is a sliver in the forest,
When the moon is a glimmer in the forest.
When the moon is a lamp in the forest.
When the violets are shying away.
When the hydrangea are blooming away.
When the roses are scattering away.
You are in my sighs.
You are in my songs.
You are in my soul.
Each bird must fly on an autumn eve.
Each bird must return on a spring morn.
Each bird must glide over the ocean.
Was the sparrow lost?
Was the robin lost?
Did they find their way?
Sweet and soft
Timid and pale,
Vanishing and whispering,
Another glance,
Another peep,
A last chirp,
And they flew away.
One North,
One South.
One high,
One low.
One slowly,
One swiftly.
Scattering dew on the roses.
Rustling with the wild winds.
Praying with lost souls.
They are not lost.
They are not sad.
They are not weary.
Creator,
In Your Light,
In Your Healing,
In Your Hand,
They are home.
Yet,
There remains a hope in their heart.
There remains a sigh in their soul.
There remains a prayer in their peace.
That they reveal only to the Keeper of Hearts.
In the crowd,
You heard a voice.
In the flurries,
You felt a scent.
In the distance,
You saw a trail.
Feathers,
Pebbles
And tears;
You followed it.
Up and down,
High and deep.
Fast and slow.
And found a door.
Without any fear,
Without any thought,
Without any cognition,
You knocked.
The door was left ajar….
Was it an old cranky witch?
Was it a green clad mystic?
Was it a pink cheeked girl?
Tell me,
What did you see?
Why is your heart pounding?
Why are your cheeks glistering?
Why are your feet running?
Tell me,
What are you fleeing?
Your own shadow?
Your own thoughts?
Your own burdens?
Or is it her…
That creature you rose from sleep.
That prey you stirred into hiding.
That predator you attracted to hunt.
Tell me,
Do you wake up in the middle of the night?
And fear.
And think.
And ponder.
Oh what did you do…
Oh what will you do…
Oh what can you do…
Is it love?
Is it a dream?
Is it a story?
Something you will never tell.
Something you will never live.
Something you will never try.
Something that will keep you warm
When you lose hope.
When you need strength.
When you are lost.
Something that will keep you strong.
But what of her?
The damsel in distress.
The relentless banshee
The legions of furies.
But what of her?
The gentle lady.
The soft huntress.
The hungry mystic.
But what of her?
As you run with your fear.
As you hide from your fear.
As you cradle your fear.
Will she follow?
Or will she remain enraptured,
in a never ending song.
Or will she remain trapped,
in the scent of a memory.
Or will she remain spellbound
in the maze of your flight.
Think,
Think before you run.
Think,
Think before you hide.
Think,
Think before you forget.
You know,
Don’t you?
She will not forget.
She will not leave.
She will not fade.
She will carve,
She will weave,
She will write,
Your first steps.
Your faltering steps.
Your fading steps.
Halt,
Hush,
Here, here.
Who is she
Who was she
What is she
To you?
Deep rust dew,
Light golden sunbeam,
Soft pitter patter.
Haven’t I told you before?
I am not from this world.
I am not for this world.
I merely exist here.
The bridge I left behind
Fell apart as I stepped on it.
Dissolved as I stepped on it.
Blew away as I stepped on it.
I leaped over the abyss
I flew over the abyss
I rose over over the abyss.
The bridge in front of me
Is already wobbling.
Is already fading.
Is already whining.
I wish you were strong enough to catch me
I wish you were strong enough to hold me.
I wish you were strong enough to follow me.
Through the muddy path,
Over the sharp ridges,
Under the thick mossed earth.
Leaning over that void
Where you once stood.
Leaning over that well,
Where you once spoke.
Leaning over that crevasse
Where you once beckoned me.
I scatter pearls and feathers,
I scatter petals and ashes,
I scatter smoke and tears.
But I already know that it’s in vain.
So I turn around,
I turn left,
and keep on turning left.
Until I find a whiff of
Myrrh
Frankincense
Roses.
and I find the stairwell,
and I find the base camp,
and I find the holy cave.
Where I can truly hear.
Where I can truly speak.
Where I can truly connect.
… And at last be understood.
Dear sparrow,
So gentle,
So constant,
So chatty.
I listen to you.
You listen to me.
Neither is understood.
I see you plunge into the fountain
Flap around your wings.
I see you plunge your beak,
Drink your fill.
How brave,
How endearing,
How beautiful.
But I am no bird…
What am I?
I look deep into that chasm,
I look deep into that smoke,
I look deep into that well,
And try to find an echo of me.
An apple tree,
An apple blossom,
An apple seed.
Nothing more.
A nurturing creature,
A loving heart,
And a promise to keep.
Find my shoots in spring,
Find my flowers in summer,
Find my fruits in autumn,
Find my bare core in the winter.
Ever glowing
Ever growing,
Ever giving.
But never yours.
I belong to the seasons,
I belong to the sunshine,
I belong to the rainfall.
I belong to the thick and rich soil.
I belong to the soft and warm sun.
I belong to the vigorous and living sap.
But foremost…
From my ever growing roots,
Through my solid core,
To my ever growing fruits,
I belong to
The One who created me.
The One who nourished me.
The One who protected me.
and to Whom I will return.
Listen to the bee,
Smell the winter jasmine,
Hold the fallen acorns.
It is not winter yet.
and yet, it will return.
How thin the veils between the worlds are.
How soft the voices calling to each other are.
How persistant the souls drawn to each other are.
Kismet.
Come, come closer…
Perhaps these woods are not haunted.
Perhaps that crone is not evil.
Perhaps that path isn’t thorny.
Come, come closer…
Maybe I am wrong.
Maybe you are right.
Maybe…
Come, come closer…
Perchance, this cabin isn’t an illusion.
Perchance, this roaring fire isn’t a dream.
Perchance, this embrace isn’t a fantasy.
Destiny?
When the leaves fall,
One by one.
When the squirrels gather nuts,
One by one.
When the birds leave,
One by One.
I cannot see clearly.
The mists.
I cannot think clearly,
The bogs.
I cannot understand clearly,
The sunsets.
So short,
So short is a day.
So far,
So far we must go.
Will you follow me?
The rain never stops
The golden leaves become brown mulch
The remaining birds become wailing wraiths.
The trees become shivering strangers.
But in the death of night.
Utter stillness.
Utter silence.
Utter softness.
Is it dawn yet?
I can hear a hopeful bird brightly chirping.
I can smell the earth once more living.
I can hear the branches gently swaying.
The storm has ended.
Outside,
The path is sodden,
The boughs are green.
The sun is bright.
Cold, cold morning.
Are you still here?
The one I roved behind.
The one I drove away.
The one who remained.
Don’t leave,
Not when the fire’s dying embers.
Not when my words are dying embers.
Not when my heart is smothered in dying embers.
Don’t leave yet.
He left when all I did was
To scatter pearls in his hands.
To scatter petals in his hair.
To scatter tears on his heels.
You whom,
I run from every new moon.
I tiptoe to every full moon.
I hold close every waning moon.
Will you?
Will stay for the waxing moon?
I can see it in this army of bare trees.
I can see it reflected in the rainwater.
I can see it behind the veil of the clouds.
A silver glimmer of hope.
The words I draw in the mud
The songs I whisper in the night
The faces I make in the mists
All stem from fear.
Deafening terror.
Pounding horror.
Shivering stupor.
The wind blew yesterday.
Leaving but the bare earth.
Leaving but the bare trees.
Leaving but the bare heart.
The forest loses its mystery after
The wild melancholy
The tormenting sigh
The tempestuous farewell
Of autumn.
All is offered.
Heart,
Soul,
And mind.
No leaves to hide,
No flowers to garnish,
No shelter to shield,
From your gaze.
Only me.
Now you know,
Where to find her den.
Where to find her lair.
Where to find her hideout.
You knock, you knock.
You call, you call.
You ask, you ask.
Too often.
I slam the door shut.
I lock the door shut.
I bolt the door shut.
and I escape from the window.
And I roam.
And I howl.
And I roll.
In magical hills you cannot reach.
In a forsaken land you cannot imagine.
In a hidden world you cannot grasp.
Free, at last.
Free, at will.
Free, for now.
Will you?
Will you be there when I return?
To hear my words.
To heal my world.
To head my words.
Perhaps one day,
You will come to
Smile to me,
Hold me,
Carry me.
To another land
That neither of us know of.
That neither of us dream of.
That neither of us know the way to.
The path is hidden.
For mere mortals,
For mere lonely creatures,
For mere cowardly children.
Only blessed lovers know this way.
Wait.
Breathe.
Not too late,
Not too soon,
Lest I run,
Lest I hide.
Be calm,
Be strong,
Be soft,
Our hearts already know the way.
If this is true.
If this for us
If this is written.
Don’t leave,
Don’t stay.
Don’t.
Let it be.
Let it rain.
Let it trickle.
And look up to that silver glimmer of hope.
Today I cast a bottle in the sea.
Today I sent a pigeon into the winds.
Today, I dropped a coin in the well.
I didn’t tell anyone,
But the sparrows bracing for winter,
But the squirrels packing for winter,
But the trees baring for the winter.
They didn’t see the sunset on my cheeks,
They didn’t see the rain in my eyes
They didn’t see the spring on my lips.
It’s like singing a lullaby
Against the wind,
Against the world
Against the web.
Like a revolution.
Like a declamation.
Like a declaration.
That nobody will hear.
They all died on the battlefield.
They all deserted years ago.
They all ran like traitors.
The war is over.
Only the wind rumbles.
Only the bees bumble.
Only the lost stumble.
Who are the lost ones?
The lovelorn,
The loverless,
The lovers…
It’s a madness, isn’t it?
But you never notice it when you are
Hand in hand,
Lips to lips,
Heart to heart.
You only open your eyes
When the night is utterly still.
When the morning is utterly bright.
When the end is utterly near.
Or when you shiver alone at a bus stop.
Or when you wander alone at the death of night.
Or when you wake up alone after a realistic dream.
Pure madness.
Quick,
Breath in in the autumn mulch
Breath out the busy city.
Breath in last year’s roses.
Can you make sense of it?
From evening mist to morning dew.
From the warm afternoon to the freezing night.
From the hopeful greeting to the mournful parting;
I wait.
Nothing but
The ripples of the water,
The whispers of the wind,
The echoes of a clinking.
In the distance,
Far off.
So far,
A fading echolalia…
It’s not you,
It’s not real,
It’s just my mind…
So deeply anchored;
So deeply entrapped;
So deeply enchanted:
That no one can distract.
Except songs,
Except stories,
Except stanzas
Of something that doesn’t dare exist.
My hearth is a campfire.
Never here,
Never there,
Always returning.
My love is in absence.
Never here,
Never there,
Always returning.
My home is an embrace,
Never here,
Never there,
Always returning.
Time always trickles,
Friends always trickle,
Dreams always trickle.
Droplets into
Rivulets into
Streams into
A sea of feelings,
An ocean of memories
A universe of faces.
I belong to the ever changing dunes.
I belong to the ever changing slopes.
I belong to the ever changing shores.
Your footsteps fading into the sands.
Your silhouette fading into the snow.
Your shoulders drowning in the water.
Here yesterday,
Gone today.
And tomorrow?
And next week?
And every year?
Will you return?
With one spark,
With one glance,
With one word,
Will you return?
Or will I build palaces
With words and paints?
Or will I weave stories
With dreams and words?
Or will carve songs
With anguish and longing.?
Carve it so deeply
In wood,
In marble,
In the ground.
If only I could reach the night sky.
If only I could reach the milky way
If only I could reach the universe.
I would leave a trail of
Petals
Feathers
And buds.
For you to find with your gaze.
For you to follow with your heart.
For you to grasp with your soul.
To light your way back home.
Under a shower of golden leaves,
Under a trail of sweet raindrops,
Under a haze of amber glow,
Will you return?
Layla Ali Sultan 