Dear phantom
Dear Ghost
Dear Mirage
Wisp of air
Breath of wind
Tendril of breeze
Fading
Sleeping
Smouldering.
Ashes
To scatter
To bury
To nourish
Deeply anchored roots.
You were but a chirp
You were but a melody
You were but a longing
In the valley of love.
All valleys must be crossed
All mountains must be climbed
All hollows must be weathered.
I wander on…
This new summit was bare and craggy
This new path was drab and slippery
This new valley is silent and misty.
Far from you -
Deceitful illusion
Tantalizing dream
Beautiful delusion;
How very quiet it is
How very lonely it is
How very bitter it is.
In this quietness, there’s a song-
In this loneliness, there is A Presence-
In this bitterness, there is a hue of honey.
In absence…
I am and yet I am not.
New feathers are growing
New wings are aching
New notes are tinkling.
Renewed
Reawakened
Returned
To a new form
To a new hope
To a new mind.
Tired old soul.
Childish young sou.
Unique soul
Belonging
to
the
ONE.
My birds wake at dawn
My birds vanish at sunset
My birds flit by all day.
Their each have their voice
They each have their song
They each have their dreams
Have you heard them?
Have you seen them?
Have you followed them?
By those lonely city trees
Through those sleepy bushes
In those wavering woods.
Follow them
Follow them we must.
Follow them
Follow them you must
Follow them
Follow them till the end
Of this winding way
Of this spiralling way
Of this rising way.
Through the ages
Through the vales
Through the day.
My birds are calling me
My birds are delighting me
My birds are beckoning me
For another dance
For another song
For another adventure.
Come, come, they say.
Fly, fly, they say.
Sing, sing, they say.
You won’t lose your way
this time.
You won’t fall
this time.
You won’t lose your voice
This time.
How they brave the wild winds
How they endure this strange weather.
How they flourish in the city wilderness.
Indomptable
Unstoppable
Unforgettable.
Delicate wings
Sweet voices
Light gait
But how far they fly!
But how long they strive!
But how long they sing!
Dear winged drops of hope
Dear feathered dew of dreams
Dear tinkling chords of prayers
I am grateful that you exist
Yet,
These birds do not belong to me.
They belong to the trees
They belong to themselves
They belong to Our Creator.
Utter freedom.
Utter beauty.
Utter peace.
Rome’s on fire
California’s on fire
Portugal’s on fire
and stil,
you call me mad.
They are growing old
those I love the most.
It’s falling apart,
that place I love the most.
It’s scattering away,
that dream I love the most.
Should I say loved,
instead of love?
Should I say gone
instead of going?
Should I say closed
instead of closing?
Keep that last bit of coffee
Keep that last piece of candy
Keep that last final episode
Until it tastes stale
Until it falls in pieces
Until it doesn’t mean anything anymore.
But I know how to say goodbye
But I know how to walk away
But I know how to close the book.
Just don’t want to do it anymore.
Oh that moon is so full
Oh that moon is so bright
Oh that moon is so close.
Nights full of scents
Nights full of songs
Nights full of sighs.
And I’m still here.
Yesterday that field by my home
burnt down.
Yesterday that friend living by my home
moved away.
Yesterday that cup full of memories
broke away.
So many pieces
So many ashes
So many paths
scattered away.
Those dreams were never yours
They were mine.
.
Those tears were never yours;
They were mine.
Those fears were never mine
They were yours.
It is time,
right?
Of course it is…
Look at the birds
and their wings stretched wide!
Look at the stars
and their diverging paths!
Look at their faces
and their unique features!
There’s still so much to uncover.
Listen to the wind in the trees,
Listen to the birds in the boughs,
Listen to your heart in your chest.
And go on.
I don’t have pets,
I have a garden full of birds.
I don’t have children,
I have a garden full of cherries.
I don’t have a husband,
I have a garden full of roses.
Delicious silence,
Intoxicating absence,
Heady vacancy.
Poetry in the dawn breeze,
Songs in the afternoon sun,
Dancing in the moonlight.
A solitude filled
with such beautiful stories
with such beautiful songs
with such beautiful sighs.
And prayers.
What is beyond these woods?
What is beyond that valley?
What is beyond that day?
God knows…
Therein I place my trust.
Therein I build my home.
Therein I keep my peace.
My home,
My Lord.
My love,
My Lord.
My joy,
My Lord.
Alone
but never out of sorts.
Alone
but never out hope.
Alone
but never out of dreams.
May I forget those ghosts
who linger in my thoughts.
May I forget those ghosts
who hover in my hopes.
May I forget those ghosts
who drift in my reveries.
Those who left my path
Those who broke our bridge
Those who closed that gate
Must remain gone.
Unless they have found a map
Unless they have found a compass
Unless they have found their direction
and they know our journey must be one.
But such things only happen in
dreams
stories
songs
So I will weave but I shall not hope.
Let it be as God wills it.
The garden tells a story
The woods give us wisdom
Nature shows us signs
When the cherries start to drop down
Garlics must be pulled up
St John’s wort will be harvested away.
Summer solstice.
And the robin returns.
And the tits revolve.
And the day stand still.
Longest day.
And I understand
Even if time stands still
it must pass.
Even if the sun burns me
It will fade.
Even if the heat melts me.
I will prevail.
How ethereal is that summer sunset,
Pure gold.
How gentle is that growing shade,
Safe harbour.
How delicious is that evening breeze,
True embrace.
As cliché as it sounds,
all seasons must pass.
As cliché as it sounds,
all joys must pass.
As cliché as it sounds,
all griefs must pass.
On and on.
That ever revolving cycle.
That ever growing tree.
That ever spinning planets.
On and on.
Until the end is decreed by the One.
Look at them,
How they spin through the darkness!
Look at them,
How they grow and scatter through the fields!
Look at them,
How they bloom and whither through the world!
The wonder
The awe
The joy
that keeps on going.
Ever whirling,
Like fleeting seasons.
Ever growing,
Like enduring moss
Ever glimmering,
Like distant stars.
We keep on going.
Don’t give me luscious roses,
if you’re not going to stay.
Don’t give me pretty words,
if you’re not going to stay.
Don’t give me high hopes,
if you’re not going to stay.
My heart is a tower
My heart is a mountain
My heart is a galaxy
Unreachable
Some like to climb mountains
to claim them.
Some like to destroy towers,
to conquer them.
Some like to blast galaxies,
to erase them.
Try as they might,
my heart keeps on beating.
It doesn’t beat for me.
It doesn’t beat for them.
It beats our her Creator.
But you see…
The little girl is starting to get lost
The young woman is staring to lose it.
This woman is starting to become tired.
So tired.
I wish I could rest on that shoulder.
I wish I could rest against that chest.
I wish I could rest between these hands.
Would I be safe enough?
But it isn’t for me to decide.
My life,
Your life,
Our destinies
Are not in our hands.
Don’t bring me roses
If you cannot hear my voice
If you cannot feel my soul
If you cannot get my drift.
Do not send me texts
No, good mornings.
No, good nights,
No, cute emojis;
If you are as light as a leaf blown away.
My roots go deep,
My trunk is thick,
My branches reach high…
High
Higher
and higher
Flies my soul;
Unreachable
Untameable
Unreadable
Liked a bird.
Say what you want
Do what you must
Go where you go.
I shall keep on rising.
So many words,
So many dreams,
So many thoughts,
Utterly wasted.
Leaving me breathless
Leaving me lifeless
Leaving me wordless.
Leaving me.
I scratch my way out
I stumble my way out
I crawl my way out.
Out,
Out,
Out… where?
It’s barely May
The blue sky stretches infinitely
The mountains are bare and green
The path is dry and scalding….
Too much sun
Too much heat
Too much….
And yet,
Here are the acacias and the elders
Their sweet scent
Their white flags
Their gentle dance
And beyond them,
The winding path
The lush scrub
The cool woods.
Teeming with life,
Chittering with hope.
Moist with tears….
Tears of hope.
Tears of tiredness.
Tears of relief.
That part is over,
Isn’t it?
Thank God!
That new part is starting,
Isn’t it?
Thank God!
Nothing lasts,
Nothing lingers,
Nothing ends.
A strange yet strong truth.
And do you know what I will find beyond that scorching path?
And do you know what I will find beyond that dark forest?
And do you know what I will find beyond that quiet solitude?
A gate with briar roses,
A garden with tea roses.
A table with roses and a tea.
And laughter,
And coolness,
And gentleness.
Peace,
at last.
Relief,
At last.
Hope,
At last.
A few more steps,
A few more toils,
A few more days,
And I will know…
And I will grow…
And I will soar…
Until then,
I keep my peace,
I keep my hope,
I keep my garden…
Full of daisies,
Full of cherries
Full of fairies…
And so many roses…
Petals as soft as my thoughts.
Scent as sweet as my hopes.
Gleaming as steadily as my faith.
You were attracted to the light
You were attracted to the attention
You were attracted to the love
I gave freely.
You were thirsty
for tenderness.
You were starving,
for warmth.
You were dying,
for compassion.
One drop wasn’t enough.
One well wasn’t enough,
One ocean wasn’t enough.
A wild tumultuous ocean
A gentle caressing ocean,
A fragile pure ocean.
But you took,
And you took,
And took.
Until the ocean was dry…
Seaweeds becoming fossils,
Waves becoming sandstorms,
A glistering mirror turning into dust
From the pearls you tore out of the shells,
From the nutrients you suck out of the fish,
From the songs you stole from the waves,
You found a new hunting ground.
Leaving that ocean
Dry,
Broken,
Forgotten.
Sorry,
Sorry,
Sorry…
Oh but that tide wasn’t my fault,
You misread the moon.
Oh but that tsunami, wasn’t my fault,
You mistook a shiver for a tremor.
Oh but those dry shores weren’t my fault,
You did it on your own.
Yes,
I gave too much.
Yes,
I gave from my abysses.
Yes,
I gave without asking for anything.
As you went hunting on higher grounds.
Tears turned into trickles.
Trickles into rivulets,
Rivulets into rivers…
Drop after drop,
Night after night,
Prayer after prayer,
My tides grew again.
There’s a secret you didn’t understand…
That light you craved,
Wasn’t my own.
That warmth you craved,
Wasn’t my own.
That love you craved,
Wasn’t my own.
It was but a reflection,
It was but a gift,
It was but a keepsake
From the One
Who fills my abysses
Who fills my heart,
Who fills my being,
Who makes my waves sparkle,
Who makes my expanse glow,
Who makes my depths deep.
He who gives life,
He who gives light,
He who gives nights
And that abundance
And that sustenance,
And that patience,
You still crave.
Tell me,
Lost forgotten mariner;
Tel me,
Lost little boy;
Tell me,
Lost empty seashell;
Don’t you know about your own ocean?
Close your eyes,
And listen.
Close your eyes,
And breathe.
Close your eyes,
And wait.
It is all in you…
What you long for,
What you die for,
What you hunt for,
It is in you.
You do not need to
charm it out
hunt it down
steal it away.
It is in you.
Find your key
Find your heart
Find your peace.
You just need to ask Him.
Honestly
Earnestly
Authentically.
No need to beg,
humans.
No need to steal,
from us.
No need to lie,
to others.
Turn to Him.
Warm and bitter coffee
Cheerful and nostalgic songbird
Quiet and energetic mornings,
I just go on.
I just keep on.
I just live on.
I simply am.
I simply exist.
I simply fill this space.
Not for you,
Not for the world,
Not even for me.
For the One.
I pick up the book where I left it.
I pick up the song where I left it.
I pick up the pen where I left it.
From where I left it all when you came along.
Is my story still the same?
Is my voice still the same?
Is my poem still the same?
Nothing ever remains.
Even ice must melt and reveal relics of the past.
Even sand must shift and reveal ruins of the past.
Even earth must crumble and reveal threads of the past.
Nothing can remain.
All grows
All withers
And all returns…
In another form.
What of that song I once heard in your silence?
Can I find it buried under that tree?
Can I find it buried in my roots?
Can I find it buried in my poems?
Must I leave it to grow again?
Must I uproot it before it grows again?
Must I leave it to blow, again?
They say weeds who survive the winter have stronger roots.
Difficult to uproot.
Difficult to unearth.
Difficult to dig out.
But what must be done,
Must be done.
Or else…
Think of the blistering cold,
of that winter.
Think of the howling anguish,
of that winter.
Think of the betraying ice,
of that winter,
What must be done,
Must be done.
Tear out the ivy,
Pull out the weeds,
Scatter away crumbling leaves,
So that the rose can bloom again.
There’s a world beyond carefully crafted words
There’s life beyond polished pretty pictures
There’s truth beyond hollow soft quotes
Wild woods teeming with life,
Lively gardens exhaling perfume.
Colorful boughs shivering with songs.
My garden has many
Seasons
Sounds
Moods.
Flowers come and go
Leaves grow and whither
Birds flit and fly.
Some leave
Some return
Some stay.
And there’s my friend…
With a bleeding heart
With a glowing heart
With a blushing heart.
He whispers
He sings
He tweets
According to the time of the day.
Perhaps he was born in that hedge.
Perhaps he was born in those woods.
Perhaps he was born in that horizon.
But he always returns.
Waxes and wanes.
according to the weather.
Sings and hums,
according to the time.
Lingers and hides,
according to his secret.
In the winter, he brings a colorful banner to the soft white snow.
In autumn he melts with the amber sunsets and golden leaves.
In spring he digs the rich fragrant soil and sings for all to hear.
He comes and go as he please.
For the lady of the woods,
He has a name
He has a language
He has a message.
Who can see?
Who can understand?
Who can decipher?
Ah! To understand the language of birds…
Like Saint Francis
Like Prophet David,
Like Prophet Solomon.
But my friend is not a
Flamboyant tardy hoopoe
Mythical hidden bird
Meek needy sparrow,
For, the hoopoe has many duties.
For, the simurgh has many legends,
For, the sparrow has many companions…
My robin has one flightpath
My robin has one song,
My robin has one lover…
And for many months,
And for many days,
And for many seasons,
He must wait.
He must sing.
He must retreat.
A bird to many,
He is my friend,
He is my charge,
He is my teacher.
He flew in my house,
And taught me letting go.
He disappears from my garden
And teaches me patience.
He will sing cheerful from my tree
And teach me joy.
As I dig and sow,
He whispers to me.
Like a child,
Like a distant poet,
Like a forgotten dream.
As I uproot and cut,
He beckons me,
Like a loyal friend,
Like a far off seer,
Like a passing thought.
As I gather and disseminate,
He cantillates at me,
Like a patient teacher
Like a wander hermit,
Like an evergreen hope.
Will he return?
God’s will.
Will he explain?
God’s will.
Will he stay?
God’s will.
What must be uprooted?
What must be planted?
What must be protected?
Who will tell me…
As I do not understand,
The language of birds.
The turn of the tide,
The pattern of the future.
All I know is what I am taught,
Gentle patience,
Soft resilience,
Joyful contentment.
Dear robin,
Let us sing together.
Let us wait together.
Let us hope together.
And pray.
Layla Ali Sultan 