Did you wake up at midnight?
Did you open your window tonight?
Did you look up to the night?
They would say,
Why bother?
Why care?
Why try?
It’s raining too much.
It’s too cold.
It’s too cloudy.
But you wouldn’t…
Because you dream.
Because you hope.
Because you believe.
So you woke up.
Barefoot,
Barhead,
Barehanded,
You went to meet the night.
No moon glimmering.
No stars glinting.
No eyes glinting.
Only the darkness,
Only the silence,
Only Your Creator,
A breath in,
Heart beating,
A breath out,
Heart beating.
A breath in.
And you see it…
As if your eyes could pierce
The clouds
As if your eyes could travel beyond,
The atmosphere.
As if your eyes could see
The unseen.
There’s a star.
Behind the thick clouds,
Behind the ashen sky,
Behind the shivering twilight,
There’s a star
Beckoning you.
Calling you.
Lulling you..
Brave,
Steadfast,
Earnest.
You’ve seen it before,
Haven’t you?
You’ve heard it before,
Haven’t you?
You’ve sang it before,
Haven’t you?
That hymn to Hope.
That praise to the Light
That prayer to God
With that same star.
Remember, that twinkle,
Do remember.
Remember, that whisper,
Do remember.
Remember that promise,
Do remember.
In that time before time.
In that space before space.
In that moment before moment.
When you faced Your Creator.
And you knew,
what you know now.
And you believed,
What you believe now.
And you saw,
What you see now…
In the glimmer of a lost star.
Yesterday,The wind blew through the deadwood.Last week,The rain trickled through the thick woods.Last month,The wet slaps stole the young blossoms.What a night!What a week!What a month!My cheeks remember.My fingers tingle.My heat beats.Beats,Beats on.Beats on,Beats on and on.But the winds faded into a sigh.But the rain faded into a puddle. But the tempest faded into a raft.Leaving the nights silent.Leaving the ground splayed.Leaving the horizon empty. Until the dawn returned…Decked in gold,Covered in gossamer,Dressed in glory.The swallow had barely made it.The butterfly had barely survived it.The rosebuds had barely endured it.Colorless wings,Feathered nests,Scattered petals.Where did these songs go?Where did those dreams go?Where did that hope go?Scattered words,Hopeless dreams, Songless nights.When the day returned,When the calm returned,When the mariner returned,There were no words left to greet him.What could she say?What could she write?What could she pray?… That hadn’t been whispered before?The first day,The oak tree was a stranger.The first week,The stranger was a foreigner.The first month,The foreigner was a kinsman.Silence after silence,Monosyllable after monosyllable,Rose after rose,The oak tree became a home again.For the skittish squirrel,For the fluttering swift,For the mountain rose.Oh but for how long?Until the next storm,Until the next war,Until the next flight,This is where I raise my tent.The season will come and dance,The winds will come and whirl,The sun and moon will come and go.Fluttering the flaps of my tent.You will leave again.You will return again.Fluttering through my frazzled heart. Will you stay this time?Ask the forgotten forest.Ask the foggy horizon.Ask the bedewed rosebud.
How can the world be ending
When the birds are chirping?
When the daisies are blooming?
When the cherry tree is blossoming?
On my screens
Death.
Flicker, flicker.
Panic.
Flicker, flicker.
Hail.
Nothing will ever be the same;
They write
Over and over again.
They predict
Over and over again.
They decree.
Over and over again.
Yet,
The crescent moon ripens
The winter turns into spring
The night turns into day.
Pale sunsets
Blushing sunrises.
From the dawn of time until now.
Death,
Birth,
Death,
Birth.
And the full moon withers.
And the new moon regenerates.
Did you hear?
The yellow tit has returned.
Like every year,
He burrows in the lilacs.
Like every year,
He cocks his head for crumbs.
Like every year,
He thrills at the other birds .
Take a turn,
In the blooming garden.
Take a turn,
In the awakening woods.
Take a turn,
In the serenity of the wild.
Far, far away,
From those rolls of toilet paper.
Far, far away,
From those constant updates.
Far far away,
From the mass hysteria.
Hearken, oh hearken my friend!
Feel, oh feel my friend!
Open up, oh open up my friend!
To these golden doors,
To these wandering paths.
To these pink and white glades.
Yesterday it was dark and murky.
Yesterday it was grey and dusty.
Yesterday, it was cold and misty.
In the beaming sunshine,
In the melodic afternoon,
In the fragrant serenity
You can breathe.
You can hope.
You can understand
That some things will always be true.
The season will turn.
The days will trickle.
Life will out.
In the winter woods,
You saw life in death.
In the early spring,
You saw death in life.
A dance that you know well.
A story that you understand well.
A reality that you glimpse well.
The mushrooms of yesterday,
The buds of tomorrow.
The pebbles in the ocean of your soul.
The snowdrops in the garden of your heart.
The feathers on the birds of your dreams.
Will you fly?
Or will you attach yourself to these shackles,
The flicker,
The trickle,
The endless scrolling.
That blue light that burns your brain;
That constant roar that burns your mind;
That constant scream that burns your ears;
Shackling you to your fears.
Will you fly, my friend?
To the lonely summit.
To the silent forest.
To the cascading steam.
Bubbling,
Frothing,
Gurgling,
With life.
Will you fly, then?
When I send you a smile
It’s a hand on your shoulder.
When I send you a rose,
It’s a kiss on your cheek.
When I send you a picture,
It’s my hand reaching for yours.
Words are all we have.
Words are never enough.
Patience is all we have.
Patience has to be enough.
Hope is all we have.
Hope is more than enough.
Did you hear?
Did you read?
Do you believe…
The world is ending.
Falling like flies.
Hiding like preys.
Did you feel it?
Did you sense it?
Do you know that…
We are just beginning.
Falling like teenagers.
Hiding like children.
Social distancing
Safety confinement
Self quarantine
All those words mean nothing
When the one you dream of,
When the one you pray for,
When the one you love
Is already so far away.
As we hide from society
As we distance from friends
As we wash our hands again and again.
We open up with cipher.
We cling through a web.
We reach through a net
And hold on to each other.
Like there’s no tomorrow.
Like there’s no one else.
Like there are no bodies.
No hands to hold.
No eyes to behold.
No lips to homage.
Just a few words.
Just a few images.
Just two souls.
Tell me, my love,
Where do we court each other?
In our deeply hidden dreams?
In our hesitant instant messaging?
In that state of being beyond reality?
Is it a love of clicks and swipes?
Is it a love of aesthetics and quotes?
Is it a love of mystical and divine quality?
Why am I even asking when I already know…
Whether it was face to face.
Whether it was here or there.
Whether it was from link to links.
It doesn’t matter really how we found each other.
Unspoken,
Unimaginable,
Unreachable,
Was it always there
In your dreams,
In my songs,
In the Divine Decree…?
Or so, I pray that it is.
They are hoarding
They are despairing.
They are scurrying.
I am scattering my petals.
You are stretching your branches.
Between us, spring is in full bloom.
And we are all praying,
And we are all waiting,
And we are all striving,
For better days to come.
The storm will fall.
The eruption will still.
The outbreak will fade.
And what will remain…
Is beyond our hopes.
Is beyond our fears.
Is beyond our predictions.
But I know that…
When that lull comes,
When that dawn breaks,
When that beacon lights,
It is to you that I shall fly to.
If you were mine,
Like a rose.
If you were mine,
Like a cat.
If you were mine,
Like a gem.
I’d keep you from the storm.
I’d keep keep you from the cold.
I’d keep you from the dust.
Safe,
My love I’d keep you safe.
Happy,
My love I’d keep you happy.
Loved,
My love, I’d keep you loved.
But there’s a web between us.
But there’s a veil between us.
But there’s a road between us.
Like a foliage,
Like gossamer,
Like a helix.
Dusts
Summits
Galaxies.
Closer and closer,
Farther and farther,
Eternally and eternally.
There a thread,
There’s a hope,
There’s a breath,
that can travel through space
that can travel through time
that can travel through universes.
I didn’t choose it.
You didn’t choose it.
It was written.
Where?
How?
Why?
You
&
I.
Here.
Now.
All over.
I follow you.
You follow me.
Linked to each other.
But you are not here,
You are never here.
But I am not there,
I am never there,
And yet,
The seeds do sprout.
And yet,
The sprouts do shoot.
And yet,
The shoots do grow…
Into an oak tree.
Where nightingale can sing.
Where sparrows can hide.
Where thrush can nest.
If you were mine,
I’d be the robin on your shoulder.
If I were yours,
I’d be the cherry tree against your back.
Until then,
Your heart breaks and you worry for me.
My heart breaks and I worry for you.
You are the first.
I am the first.
Still,
Our hands never touch.
Our breaths never mingle.
Our eyes never meet.
If you were mine.
I’d be your comfort.
If I were yours,
You’d be my safety.
Until then,
I am a hope.
You are a dream.
We are a fairytale.
That we whisper to each other,
With a rose.
That we keep from each other,
With a promise.
That we bestow on each other,
With a greeting.
The rain never stops
The golden leaves become brown mulch
The remaining birds become wailing wraiths.
The trees become shivering strangers.
But in the death of night.
Utter stillness.
Utter silence.
Utter softness.
Is it dawn yet?
I can hear a hopeful bird brightly chirping.
I can smell the earth once more living.
I can hear the branches gently swaying.
The storm has ended.
Outside,
The path is sodden,
The boughs are green.
The sun is bright.
Cold, cold morning.
Are you still here?
The one I roved behind.
The one I drove away.
The one who remained.
Don’t leave,
Not when the fire’s dying embers.
Not when my words are dying embers.
Not when my heart is smothered in dying embers.
Don’t leave yet.
He left when all I did was
To scatter pearls in his hands.
To scatter petals in his hair.
To scatter tears on his heels.
You whom,
I run from every new moon.
I tiptoe to every full moon.
I hold close every waning moon.
Will you?
Will stay for the waxing moon?
I can see it in this army of bare trees.
I can see it reflected in the rainwater.
I can see it behind the veil of the clouds.
A silver glimmer of hope.
The words I draw in the mud
The songs I whisper in the night
The faces I make in the mists
All stem from fear.
Deafening terror.
Pounding horror.
Shivering stupor.
The wind blew yesterday.
Leaving but the bare earth.
Leaving but the bare trees.
Leaving but the bare heart.
The forest loses its mystery after
The wild melancholy
The tormenting sigh
The tempestuous farewell
Of autumn.
All is offered.
Heart,
Soul,
And mind.
No leaves to hide,
No flowers to garnish,
No shelter to shield,
From your gaze.
Only me.
Now you know,
Where to find her den.
Where to find her lair.
Where to find her hideout.
You knock, you knock.
You call, you call.
You ask, you ask.
Too often.
I slam the door shut.
I lock the door shut.
I bolt the door shut.
and I escape from the window.
And I roam.
And I howl.
And I roll.
In magical hills you cannot reach.
In a forsaken land you cannot imagine.
In a hidden world you cannot grasp.
Free, at last.
Free, at will.
Free, for now.
Will you?
Will you be there when I return?
To hear my words.
To heal my world.
To head my words.
Perhaps one day,
You will come to
Smile to me,
Hold me,
Carry me.
To another land
That neither of us know of.
That neither of us dream of.
That neither of us know the way to.
The path is hidden.
For mere mortals,
For mere lonely creatures,
For mere cowardly children.
Only blessed lovers know this way.
Wait.
Breathe.
Not too late,
Not too soon,
Lest I run,
Lest I hide.
Be calm,
Be strong,
Be soft,
Our hearts already know the way.
If this is true.
If this for us
If this is written.
Don’t leave,
Don’t stay.
Don’t.
Let it be.
Let it rain.
Let it trickle.
And look up to that silver glimmer of hope.
You see
You were the spark
You were the scent
You were the silk
In my words.
From an acorn came a tale.
From a tale came a story.
From a story came an oak.
Under its shade,
I found peace.
I found solace
I found another spark,
Can you feel these deep roots?
Can you feel this thick bark?
Can you feel this rich foliage?
It is not you doing.
It is not your gift.
It is not yours.
Those are my words.
Those are my stories.
Those are my songs.
This is my oak tree.
Mine.
After you left,
It was my shelter
It was my home.
It was my ladder.
It led me to other stories
It led me to other discoveries.
It led me back home.
To my Creator.
You were but a breeze
You were but a gust of wind.
You were but a breath.
Long ago,
Long gone.
Gone.
Thank God.
Your roots didn’t go deep enough.
Your arms were not strong enough.
Your heart was not wild enough.
To follow mine
Through the waves
Through the crags
Through the vales.
You didn’t even try.
I must
Face the well.
Face the pond.
Face the mirror
And see what truly is here.
The stars,
The ebb,
Myself.
Alone.
Flesh, blood and alone.
Heart, lungs and alone.
Soul, dreams and alone.
Alone.
Not quite, not quite.
There’s a thrill from that branch,
There’s a flutter from within me,
There’s a breath from far beyond.
I am never truly alone.
The finches on that branch,
The robin in my heart,
The bird of paradise in the horizon,
Simurgh
That calls me through the path
That calls me through the marshes
That call me through the mists
Back home.
Home, where is home?
To the endlessly wandering soul
To the utterly lost wild woman,
To the irresistibly inspired poet
Home is the Source and the Destination,
Home is the ever twisting clearway.
Home is the forest of inspiration.
That glowing window,
That warm alcove,
That gentle aroma.
You will never see it.
and I will never see you again.
Keep the golden blessings,
Keep the copper feelings,
Keep the silver yearnings.
Kindly
Peacefully
Absolutely.
As I retreat back
To my Refuge.
To my Source.
To my Light.
To return to the world,
With a brighter plumage,
With more colors in my feathers,
With a sweeter and deeper song.
In a wild and enchanted forest,
On a solid oak treel,
On a gentle twig,
Far far away from you.
Is it autumn or is it me?
Is it november or is it you?
Is it the storm or is it my soul?
I can’t remember my name.
I can’t remember my destination.
I can’t remember my home.
Grey walls,
Dusty windows,
Dark wooden doors.
Where is the glowing hearth?
Where is the glimmering candle?
Where is the glittering song?
Birds chirp against the wind.
The sparrow and his brothers.
The robin and her brood.
The great tit and his clan.
Some will leave.
Some will stray.
Some will remain.
Up, up on the branches.
Far, far in the horizon.
Deep, deep in the forest.
Leaving me to my shrubs,
Leaving me to my doorstep,
Leaving me to my hearth.
Without a song….
To lull me.
To wake me.
To light me up.
Like the matches the little girl wasted.
My fingers are twisted in pain,
My head is full of decaying leaves.
My legs are heavier than stones
So heavy,
So heavy
I could sink to the bottom of
The pond.
The lake
The ocean.
Will I rise again like the skeleton lady?
Will I rise again like foamy waves?
Will I rise again like a phoenix?
It doesn’t matter if I’m too tangled for love.
It doesn’t mater if I’m a prisoner of this cycle.
It doesn’t mater if I became ashes to come back.
The dull pain,
The weighty loneliness,
The never-ending labyrinth
Nothing matters as long as I have
My wits
My wings
My words.
If I can write a line.
If I can weave a tale.
If I can stitch up another life.
It is all worth it.
Dear,
Don’t wait in the forgotten street.
Don’t wait in the never-ending night.
Don’t wait in the pouring rain.
I am not here.
I never was.
You saw a star in the distance.
You saw a glimmer in the distance.
You saw a shadow in the distance.
And you chased it all the way down here.
Mistaking me for your destiny.
Mistaking me for your last hope.
Mistaking me for the answer to your prayers.
But I am only a woman.
Chasing her own star.
Chasing her own destiny.
Chasing her own hope.
I have nothing to give anymore.
But,
Tatters.
Tears
And tales.
I gather
Dewdrops
Drops of anguish
Droplets of hope.
And I drink deep.
Like the trees after a draught.
Like an athlete after a feat.
Like a child after a long day.
Does it show in my eyes ?
Does it show in my fingertips ?
Doest it show in my stories?
The hope I try to sow.
The hope I try to grow.
The hope I try to flourish
Within me?
Was it this gleam
Was it this melody
Was it this sigh
That brought you here?
Take it,
The petals of inspiration,
The shimmer of creation,
The echoes of my poems,
Take it.
But let my sail
But let my song
But let my soul
Roving and free.
Roaming and free.
Rambling and free.
Free.
There’s a fairy who lives by an airfield.
There’s a witch who lives by a chemical lab.
There’s an elven maiden who lives by the recycling bins.
On that sidewalk, I always find feathers.
On that fence, I always find garlands.
On that curb, I always find silver cups.
Is it an offering?
Is it an appeasement?
Is it an ode?
To something
To someone
To some place
I cannot know about.
The forgotten nuclear facility is a ruined castle.
The forgotten ferris wheel is a ghost train.
The forgotten doll is a spectre of innocence lost.
No wild moorlands here.
No crumbling towers here.
No bewitching urban tales here.
Just the chemicals…
In the breeze we breathe.
In the draught we drink.
In the eels we eat.
Making us choke.
Making us keel.
Making us creak.
Older than we look.
Younger than we feel.
Aging before age.
And yet,
Beyond the gray bricks.
Beyond the sickly sweet air.
Beyond the deafening noise.
There’s a redbreast robin.
There’s the golden scent of autumn.
There’s a cheerful birdsong.
Drawing us close.
Pulling us in.
Covering us.
And the thick fumes,
And the plastic cages,
And the bitter water
Are left behind.
There’s a young girl,
There’s a forgotten woman,
There’s an old lady,
by that gate.
by that shrub.
by that pond.
They say
Her heart is enclosed in metal.
Her eyes are covered with plastic.
Her mouth is laden with gasoline.
Children run from her.
Men scuttle from her.
Only women are drawn to her.
They don’t see what you see.
They see
The bleeding heart,
The weeping eyes,
The hurried gasp,
And hear her lullabies.
And hear her croon.
And hear her hymn.
They see a fairy with torn wings.
They see a witch with missing hands.
They see an elven maiden with a broken heart.
They come to her for healing.
For the world.
For themselves.
For her.
They sit around the fire.
They sit around the roses.
They sit around the brew.
And they whisper secrets.
And they chant prayers.
And they weaves peace.
That echo through the night.
That echo through the factory.
That echo through the city.
And the wisps of fumes fade.
And the poison seeps out of the river.
And the earth is living again.
A swift sunshine
A clear birdsong,
A fresh breath.
The earth is breathing again.
The earthlings are breathing again.
The hearth is heartening again.
And the lady of the woods,
And the fay of the woods
And the crone of the woods,
… is a girl once more.
Full of hopes,
Full of life,
Full of love.
Vines are growing over the white buildings.
Weeds are growing on the cracked asphalt.
Shrubs are growing beyond the fences.
Breathe in,
You can taste mushroomed pathways.
You can smell the rotting foliage and feathers.
You can take in the quickening of the end.
So musky,
So rich,
So real.
Nothing like their chemical corruption.
Nothing like their radioactive seedlings.
Nothing like their engineered vegetation.
All is well, all is right.
Nature claims her right.
Humanity is back on the right path.
Breathe out.
And the girl is free.
And the girl is healed.
And the girl is reborn;
Once more.
Rejuvenated .
Renewed.
Restored.
I can breathe again.
Today I cast a bottle in the sea.
Today I sent a pigeon into the winds.
Today, I dropped a coin in the well.
I didn’t tell anyone,
But the sparrows bracing for winter,
But the squirrels packing for winter,
But the trees baring for the winter.
They didn’t see the sunset on my cheeks,
They didn’t see the rain in my eyes
They didn’t see the spring on my lips.
It’s like singing a lullaby
Against the wind,
Against the world
Against the web.
Like a revolution.
Like a declamation.
Like a declaration.
That nobody will hear.
They all died on the battlefield.
They all deserted years ago.
They all ran like traitors.
The war is over.
Only the wind rumbles.
Only the bees bumble.
Only the lost stumble.
Who are the lost ones?
The lovelorn,
The loverless,
The lovers…
It’s a madness, isn’t it?
But you never notice it when you are
Hand in hand,
Lips to lips,
Heart to heart.
You only open your eyes
When the night is utterly still.
When the morning is utterly bright.
When the end is utterly near.
Or when you shiver alone at a bus stop.
Or when you wander alone at the death of night.
Or when you wake up alone after a realistic dream.
Pure madness.
Quick,
Breath in in the autumn mulch
Breath out the busy city.
Breath in last year’s roses.
Can you make sense of it?
From evening mist to morning dew.
From the warm afternoon to the freezing night.
From the hopeful greeting to the mournful parting;
I wait.
Nothing but
The ripples of the water,
The whispers of the wind,
The echoes of a clinking.
In the distance,
Far off.
So far,
A fading echolalia…
It’s not you,
It’s not real,
It’s just my mind…
So deeply anchored;
So deeply entrapped;
So deeply enchanted:
That no one can distract.
Except songs,
Except stories,
Except stanzas
Of something that doesn’t dare exist.
Layla Ali Sultan 