04/09/19 12:33

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

I know you don’t care,
I know you don’t even know me.

But I have to tell you,

my love,
my life,
my hope;

that if I leave too,
I will never return.

Will you ever find that castle by the sea?
Will you ever find that hut in the woods?
Will ever find that cabin in the valley?

Will you even want to find it?

Behind the crest,
Under the oak and the aspen.
Far beyond the tree line, and beneath the everlasting ice.

But I will not be waiting.
But I will not be pinning.
But I will not be praying….

for you.

I will be living for me.

Filling my life with songs and stories.
Filling my silence with birds and cats.
Filling my heart with wonder and God.

Too far from the world of men.
Too far from the world of greed.
Too far from the world of decay.

To be tainted.
To be hurt.
To be held.

away, away,
my love.

I know you won’t wonder.
I know you don’t even wonder about me anymore. 

I know, I know,
Do I?

Don’t ask my laments.
Don’t ask my stories.
Don’t ask my soul….

Because you cannot handle my truth.
Because you cannot handle my love.
Because you canot handle me.

Just run,
run.
my love.

I am gone too, this time.
I am lost too, this time.
I am out of reach too, this time.

Never to return.

04/09/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

I keep on promising myself.
I keep on telling others
I keep on repeating it.

No more.

No more thinking about you.
No more talking about you,
No more dreaming about you.

About your words.
About your gaze,
About your farewell.

About that absence

that grows larger than our hours together
that grows more flowers than your presence.
that grows beyond whatever that could have been.

But it’s such a delicious anguish…

To fall back to that fool’s hope.
To fall back to that fading dream.
To fall back to those spectral arms.

No more, dear.

No more of that madness.
No more of that illness.
No more of that poison.

Until the leaves fall again.
Until the sun fades away.
Until the wind blows again.

Everything melts into amber.
Everything glows  into gold.
And everything fades again.

and I’m too tired to fight against

Your name
Your ghost
You remains.

and I roll a message in a bottle.
throw the bottle in the sea.
and drown into the billows.

and rise again

From the crimson waves
From the pink hues
From the golden morning.

 

With new stories to tell.

03/09/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

They look at me.

Their eyes following me.
Their eyes assessing me,
Their eyes searching mine.

But my gaze is turned towards

The sliver of a moon
The glimmer of a star
The haze of a galaxy

Barely perceptible
Barely fathomable
Barely noticeable.

Beyond;
Far off;
Far beyond.

To you.
To You.

To another world.

I am not here.
They think they see me.

I am not here.
You don’t even think about me.

I am not here.
But He cradles me.

Luminous
Intangible
Breathless

I disappear.

Just like you.
Leaving them to wonder.

Who was she?
What was she?
Well, who cares?

I’m late for work.

30/08/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 The sun is stil warm in my hair,
 The earth is cooling down beneath my feet.
 

 ice cubes jingling in their glasses,
 birds dropping leaves like feathers.
 

 softly, softly,
 almost like a whisper.
 

 Dear love, 
 I sing to you in a language that neither of us 
 speak.
 

 Dear love,
 I write to you in a langage that both of us
 lost.
 

 Dear love,
 I dream in a language that only to the both of us
 belong.
 

 One white and pink rose,
 two stands of lavender,
 peonies… 
 

 Do you like my bouquet?
 Do you like my poems?
 Do you ever think about me?
 

 I painted a canvas over your wreckage. Like the night sky.
 I embroidered a sail for your journey. Like a golden wing.
 I built an empire for your memory. Like a legendary kingdom.
 

 One tinkling became an orchestra.
 One word became a saga.
 One dream became a whole life.
 

 A life of waiting.
 A life of dreaming.
 A life of running.
 

 Running from me,
 Running from you,
 Running to us.
 

 Us,
 she snickers.
 

 Us,
 she sighs.
 

 Us
 she cries.
 

 And laughs. 
 

 But you don’t know this girl. 
 Do you?
 

 Hush.
 Halt.
 Hear.
 

 The echoes of time before time.
 The scent of a barely lingering time.
 The glimmer of that first Light.
 

 Still warm,
 Still welcoming.
 Still embracing.
 

 You must remember.
 Your soul must known.
 Your heart must echo.
 

 That first beat.
 

 Softly, softly.
 Firmly, firmly,
 Eternally, eternally.
 

 Can your hear it?
 Can you hear me?

25/08/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

Hey,
look outside.

Hey,
look really hard.

Hey,
look please look!

My dear old friend is back.

Fiery yet greying.
Tempestuous yet cold.
Roaring yet decaying…

Autumn is back.

Along with the cold breeze.
Along with the return to reality.
Along with that deer old ghost.

Dear to me,
Yet deadly.

So I write long letters to others.
So I write long poems to you.
So I write long diatribes to myself.

And keep you out of it.
Yet in my heart you remain.

Will you ever leave?
Yet you are long gone.

Never to return.
Never to write.
Never to behold.

Gone.
And yet you remain.

They call autumn the season of farewells.
They call autumn the beginning of the end.
I call it the return of my love.

Leaf after leaf,
the pretenses are bared.

Drop after drop,
the confessions rise.

Flutter after flutter,
hope flies off and back.

Back to the feeling I cannot shake off.
Back to the hopes I cannot bury down.
Back to the dreams I cannot forget.

But I heard they are burning down the forests,
But I heard they are throttling down the truth.
But I heard they are choking down the birds.

and the stars,
the stars.
they watch helplessly.

Twinkling
Burning
Suffocating

So far away,
Like you.

But I canot get a glimpse of your glimmering eyes.
But I cannot get a glimpse of your glittering soul.
But I cannot get a glimpse of your waning heart.

Nothing but silence.
Nothing but darkness.
Nothing but dust.

Do I need a deep autumn cleaning to make the ghost scram?

05/08/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 I close my eyes
 breathe in
 Breathe out.
 

 I can feel your pain.
 I can feel your struggle.
 I can feel your hopelessness.
 

 I open my eyes
 Look around
 Look about.
 

 You are not here.
 But I am here.
 

 With a soft voice
 I sing for you.
 

 With a strong voice
 I pray for you.
 

 With a voiceless voice
 I hold you.
 

 As I lay down to sleep
 I try to remember your face.
 

 As i settled down to sleep,
 I try to reach you.
 

 As fall down in sleep,
 I try to write to you.
 

 In my dreams,
 I write and I write.
 

 In my dreams
 I share and I share.
 

 In my dreams,
 I dare and I dare.
 

 And then I wake up,
 And I remember.
 

 And then I remember,
 how you you left.
 

 And you left,
 never to return.