So many voices swirling around
So many sounds dashing about
So many screams darting about
Too much - Too much!
Too many images flashing about
Too many photos lying about
Too many selfies cluttering about.
Too much - Too much!
So many lies published here.
So much slander written there.
So many ideas twisted about.
Too much - Too much!
How can we find rest here?
How can we find peace here?
How can we find solace here?
And yet, we cling on
To those screens
To those devices
To those boxes
Thinking through them
Living through them
Loving through them
And leaving a legacy on it.
Something to be erased
and forgotten.
Something to be discarded
and forgotten.
Something to be shared
and forgotten.
Lost.
So much time wasted.
So many feelings lost
So many words hollowed
Written
Edited
Shared
until it doesn’t mean anything.
Lost in the froth
Lost in the surface
Lost in the illusion
How can they ever swim into
The velvety depths
The ever moving immensity
The eternal circumambulations
How can they understand it?
How can they feel it?
How can they belong to it?
When they are amused
When they are focused
When they are taken
By the sparkling bubbles on the surface
By the shattering clutter on the surface
By the swirling waves on the surface
Utterly lost to them
Utterly melded to them
Utterly maddened by them
Becoming a host
Becoming a slave
Becoming a servant
Of those little rivulets
of distraction
Of those little droplets
of sensation
Of those little dribs
of devastation
So intensely focused
So deeply encroached
So utterly enslaved
By nothingness.
Am I one of them?
Will I be one of them?
Are you one of them?
Can we still pull away?
Can we still run away?
Can we still fly away?
Beyond these veils of delusions
Beyond these veils of illusion
Beyond these veils of addiction
And find our way back
To sanity
To stability
To serenity
Back to
Our Healer
Our Protector
Our Creator
– The Source of it all.
There’s a mirror in front of me
There’s an echo around me
Reflecting back my own self
Echoing back my own words…
With a hint of something else.
Hello !?
Is there’s someone out there?
Someone that I understand
Someone who understands me
Someone like me.
Oh that looks so familiar.
Oh that sounds so familiar.
It must be home.
I hold out my hands
I open my arms
And I hold for dear life.
Finally.
And the dream fades away
And the ghost slips away
And the apparition runs away.
Leaving me scattered.
Leaving me northless
Leaving me breathless.
Filled with questions…
Who are you?
When you are not pleasing someone.
When you are not echoing someone.
When you are not mirroring someone?
Who are you?
When you are not hiding yourself
When you are not painting yourself.
When you are not imagining yourself?
Who are you?
Questions
Echoes
Silence.
You don’t even know.
You don’t even wonder.
You don’t even dare.
And yet,
There’s a spark.
There’s a whisper.
There’s a rhythm
In your heartbeat
In your gaze
In your soul
That mesmerizes me.
Who are you?
When you are not behind a screen.
When you are not lost in translation.
When you are not behind a smart quote.
Who are you?
Intrigued,
The cat is trapped.
Intrigued,
The bird is caged.
Intrigued,
The wolf is killed.
All that remains is…
A fur-less creature
A skin-less nymph
A coat-less beast.
Still,
Feathers can grow back
Fur can grow back.
Skin can grow back.
Regenerate.
And a soul is indestructible.
Grow
Glow
Go
On and on.
But what of those
Whose souls are tainted
Whose souls are lost
Whose souls are torn
What of those poor souls?
Who are you?
Without knowing your soul.
Who are you?
Without cleaning your soul.
Who are you?
Without mending your soul.
May you find healing.
May you find safety.
May you find peace…
With the Creator.
Who knows my soul.
Who knows your soul.
Who knows our end.
Truth to be told
I always knew I was too odd
I always knew I was too old
I always knew I was too bold
At their age, I was already my age.
At our age, I am already their age.
But my body doesn’t know…
She calls for the mundane rituals of life…
Birth and death
Love and desire
Death and birth
She asks,
She begs,
She craves,
For what all humans have-
For what all humans experience.
For what all humans know.
And yet I do not know.
And yet I do not experience.
And yet I do not have,
Patience,
I tell her.
Oblivion,
I tell her.
Circumvent,
i tell her.
We do not belong to those ranks,
We do not belong to those humans
We do not belong to those creatures.
Our path is different…
You know that,
my dear body.
You know that,
my dear heart.
You know that,
my dear mind.
Our path was always different.
We always belonged more
To the ethereal than the real.
We always belonged more,
To the invisible than the visible.
We always belonged more
To the infinite rather than the finite.
I was already gone.
I was already beyond.
I was already far away.
Before coming to that state.
Why mourn for that loss –
When you always knew.
Why crave for that dream –
When it was never yours.
Why long for that life –
When it never could be your destiny.
Glide over
Fly over
Scatter over
Those ashes.
I always knew,
Didn’t I?
I always felt it,
Didn’t I?
I always smelled it,
Didn’t I?
That I could not take those normal steps.
That I could not open that boring old door.
That I could not reach that simple cabin.
My path was to wind into the forest.
My path was to ascend to the summits.
My paths was to take me to such heights…
Without any effort
But acceptance.
Without any struggle
But acceptance
Without any loss
But acceptance.
How light I feel
How bright I feel
How soft I feel
Beyond their reach.
More than peace
More than ecstasy
More than love
Like a robin puffing in the cold
Like a sparrow winging through the storm
Like a nightingale singing in the silence
Something with feathers
Something ever fleeting
Something so very small
True liberty.
Here’s to you,
Little girl.
Here’s to you,
brave woman.
Here’s to you,
Unconquerable lady.
wandering on that path
that never fails
that never halts
that never falters.
Up that hill
Up that rock
Up that summit
beyond that winding way
beyond that slithering path
beyond that trailing trail
there are whispers under the pine trees
there are roses under the cedar trees
there are ghosts under swiss mountain pines
If you go up there
You cab lose your way
You can lose your heart
You can lose your years
and wander,
wander and wander.
Until it’s too late to go back.
Until it’s too late to save yourself.
Until it’s too late to keep all your pieces.
Shedding each hope
like leaves.
Dreams trickling down
like rivulets.
Illusion drifting by
like high altitude sickness.
Have you lost your mind?
Have you lost your heart?
Have you lost your soul?
There’s a creature lurking by…
Is it headless?
Is it heartless?
Is it handless?
Something is missing.
But all you can see are
images of a perfect life.
Words of true love.
Quintessence of hope.
Something you try to grasp
But you stumble
But you grumble
But you crumble
Like a snow castle.
It’s so cold now
It’s so silent now
It’s so bright now
The moon reflecting in that white snow.
So bright,
Like big teeth
So bright,
Like a big bite.
So bright,
Like a sinister smile.
There’s no escape anymore…
Count your fingers
Count your toes
Count your hopes
Is it still all there?
And turn back,
and turn around,
And turn down,
And run… Like in that that song.
And run… Like in that saying.
And run… Like in that poem.
Run for your life
Run for your heart
Run for your sanity.
And treasure what is left.
Down in that deep valley
Down in that dark valley
Down in that safe valley,
In that wooden chalet
By that bright fire
Behind that thick door.
Safe.
Count your blessings.
Count your scars.
Count your new skills.
And be glad.
Few are those who return
Unscathed.
Few are those who return
Untainted.
Few are those who return
Untamed.
Be glad.
You survived.
Don’t tread in these paths
Don’t linger in those woods
Don’t listen to those woods
I know, I know
The winter sun is pure pale gold
The winter birds are pure gold cheer
The winter path are pure cold crunch
Oh it’s so very still!
Oh it’s so very beautiful!
Oh it’s so very timeless!
But don’t stay here…
They say,
There’s a ravenous witch
There a dangerous witch
There’s a hideous witch
in these ethereal woods.
In these forgotten woods.
In these solitary woods.
There’s a witch…
So hungry
So famished
So thirsty
For fresh guzzling blood
For frantically beating hearts
For juicy pumping livers
She is forever hungry.
They say, whisper
They say, sing
They say, recite
stories about her stolen heart
stories about her stolen youth
stories about her stolen beauty
And those songs she bestowed to
the birds.
And those pearls she scattered in
the river.
And those dances she taught
the trees.
The woods are tangled in her hair.
The paths is muddling her toes.
The air tastes like her sighs.
Don’t go.
Don’t linger.
Don’t stay.
And yet you do…
Who are you?
With thick braids.
Who are you?
With tired eyes.
Who are you?
with a sad song.
Lost little girl
Tired little girl
Undaunted little girl.
Please don’t linger here….
Begs the fluttering creature
Sings the delicate winged soul.
Pleads the brave little wren.
Oh little bird,
don’t you fear.
Oh little bird,
don’t you cry.
Oh little bird,
Don’t you fret.
I am lost on purpose.
In her smile,
In her glance,
In her stance,
The bird recognizes her…
The wretched witch!
The wandering witch!
The ravenous witch!
Fear not,
Little one
Sweet one
Dear one,
I do not hunger for
bird hearts
bird livers
bird blood.
In my woods,
Birds may come
Birds may leave
Birds may dream…
In their homing,
I find my way back.
In their departure
I find my way out.
In their dreams,
I find my way beyond…
There isn’t a witch
in these woods.
Just a little girl
Just a little child
Just a little waif
Longing for a life
Of flesh and blood
Of warmth and love
Of belonging and safety.
Just a little girl.
Dear phantom
Dear Ghost
Dear Mirage
Wisp of air
Breath of wind
Tendril of breeze
Fading
Sleeping
Smouldering.
Ashes
To scatter
To bury
To nourish
Deeply anchored roots.
You were but a chirp
You were but a melody
You were but a longing
In the valley of love.
All valleys must be crossed
All mountains must be climbed
All hollows must be weathered.
I wander on…
This new summit was bare and craggy
This new path was drab and slippery
This new valley is silent and misty.
Far from you -
Deceitful illusion
Tantalizing dream
Beautiful delusion;
How very quiet it is
How very lonely it is
How very bitter it is.
In this quietness, there’s a song-
In this loneliness, there is A Presence-
In this bitterness, there is a hue of honey.
In absence…
I am and yet I am not.
New feathers are growing
New wings are aching
New notes are tinkling.
Renewed
Reawakened
Returned
To a new form
To a new hope
To a new mind.
Tired old soul.
Childish young sou.
Unique soul
Belonging
to
the
ONE.
My birds wake at dawn
My birds vanish at sunset
My birds flit by all day.
Their each have their voice
They each have their song
They each have their dreams
Have you heard them?
Have you seen them?
Have you followed them?
By those lonely city trees
Through those sleepy bushes
In those wavering woods.
Follow them
Follow them we must.
Follow them
Follow them you must
Follow them
Follow them till the end
Of this winding way
Of this spiralling way
Of this rising way.
Through the ages
Through the vales
Through the day.
My birds are calling me
My birds are delighting me
My birds are beckoning me
For another dance
For another song
For another adventure.
Come, come, they say.
Fly, fly, they say.
Sing, sing, they say.
You won’t lose your way
this time.
You won’t fall
this time.
You won’t lose your voice
This time.
How they brave the wild winds
How they endure this strange weather.
How they flourish in the city wilderness.
Indomptable
Unstoppable
Unforgettable.
Delicate wings
Sweet voices
Light gait
But how far they fly!
But how long they strive!
But how long they sing!
Dear winged drops of hope
Dear feathered dew of dreams
Dear tinkling chords of prayers
I am grateful that you exist
Yet,
These birds do not belong to me.
They belong to the trees
They belong to themselves
They belong to Our Creator.
Utter freedom.
Utter beauty.
Utter peace.
Rome’s on fire
California’s on fire
Portugal’s on fire
and stil,
you call me mad.
They are growing old
those I love the most.
It’s falling apart,
that place I love the most.
It’s scattering away,
that dream I love the most.
Should I say loved,
instead of love?
Should I say gone
instead of going?
Should I say closed
instead of closing?
Keep that last bit of coffee
Keep that last piece of candy
Keep that last final episode
Until it tastes stale
Until it falls in pieces
Until it doesn’t mean anything anymore.
But I know how to say goodbye
But I know how to walk away
But I know how to close the book.
Just don’t want to do it anymore.
Oh that moon is so full
Oh that moon is so bright
Oh that moon is so close.
Nights full of scents
Nights full of songs
Nights full of sighs.
And I’m still here.
Yesterday that field by my home
burnt down.
Yesterday that friend living by my home
moved away.
Yesterday that cup full of memories
broke away.
So many pieces
So many ashes
So many paths
scattered away.
Those dreams were never yours
They were mine.
.
Those tears were never yours;
They were mine.
Those fears were never mine
They were yours.
It is time,
right?
Of course it is…
Look at the birds
and their wings stretched wide!
Look at the stars
and their diverging paths!
Look at their faces
and their unique features!
There’s still so much to uncover.
Listen to the wind in the trees,
Listen to the birds in the boughs,
Listen to your heart in your chest.
And go on.
I don’t have pets,
I have a garden full of birds.
I don’t have children,
I have a garden full of cherries.
I don’t have a husband,
I have a garden full of roses.
Delicious silence,
Intoxicating absence,
Heady vacancy.
Poetry in the dawn breeze,
Songs in the afternoon sun,
Dancing in the moonlight.
A solitude filled
with such beautiful stories
with such beautiful songs
with such beautiful sighs.
And prayers.
What is beyond these woods?
What is beyond that valley?
What is beyond that day?
God knows…
Therein I place my trust.
Therein I build my home.
Therein I keep my peace.
My home,
My Lord.
My love,
My Lord.
My joy,
My Lord.
Alone
but never out of sorts.
Alone
but never out hope.
Alone
but never out of dreams.
May I forget those ghosts
who linger in my thoughts.
May I forget those ghosts
who hover in my hopes.
May I forget those ghosts
who drift in my reveries.
Those who left my path
Those who broke our bridge
Those who closed that gate
Must remain gone.
Unless they have found a map
Unless they have found a compass
Unless they have found their direction
and they know our journey must be one.
But such things only happen in
dreams
stories
songs
So I will weave but I shall not hope.
Let it be as God wills it.
I don’t want a new dress
I don’t want a new face
I don’t want a new love
New is unknown.
New is foreign.
New is tiresome.
I want to be known.
I want to know.
To know without words.
I want to slip in a warm home.
I want to slip in a familiar bed.
I want to drift in familiar woods.
I dream of them…
The ghost who slipped through my fingers
The ghost who slit open my heart
The ghosts who could only linger;
Never stay.
Who are those strangers?
Stranger to my heart.
Who are those foreigners?
Foreigner to my heart.
Who are those intruders?
Intruders to my heart.
Can’t let them know.
Can’t let them in.
Can’t let them stay.
Tired rain-heavy roses
Scattering scattering
Lolling lolling.
Fading fading.
Is it too late?
Is it too soon?
Patience
Peace.
Prayer.
My lips move
Wordlessly.
My wings move
Flightlessly
My heart moves
Restlessly.
Love always sputters out
Love always springs out
Love always sprouts out.
Ivy on crumbly towers
Roses on crumbly gates
Daisies on crumbly lands.
Life and Love
Love and Life.
Lush leaves glistering
Thick sap sputtering
Unseen fungi sprouting.
What is old springs new life.
New life springs from the old.
But none of those strangers are you.
And yet,
I must embrace the new season.
And yet,
I must embrace the new songs.
And yet,
I must embrace the new awakening.
We are made of atoms
We are made of sighs
We are made of particles
of the same stars
of the same rocks
of the same earth
And perhaps,
That spark
That glint
That echo
could be found in another.
For when we love the moon,
We love reflected light.
For when we love lakes,
We love reflected light.
For when we love others
We love reflected Light.
And in that Light
We are forever entwined
We are forever found
We are forever united.
And perhaps my prayers
become gems
become roses
become warmth
bestowed on you.
And you know you are not forgotten.
And you know you are not unloved.
And you know you are not hated.
And you know…
As God decrees.
As God allows.
As God enables.
Layla Ali Sultan 