The illusion of choice
Bright colorful shops
One after the other
Smiling made up faces
One after the other.
Glossy well arranged food
One after the other.
The variety
The quantity
The avidity
That hunger that leads all humans
More
More
And more.
Faster
Faster
And faster.
Stronger
Stronger
And stronger.
Worshiping those
Who sell.
Sanctifying those
Who endorse.
Idolizing those
Who promote.
With their fat salaries
And our insatiable desire
And our insatiable need
And our insatiable hunger.
For what we don't truly need.
And those pits of unsold clothes.
And those pyres of unsold cars.
And those pyramids of unsold trash.
Gathering
Dust.
Gathering
Ashes.
Gathering
Flies.
How much waste can on our enlightened civilization create?
Giving up even our name
For a bargain.
Giving up even our children
For attention.
Giving up even our integrity
For possession.
Consuming us…
Since those first mills
Since those first factories
Since those first slavehouses.
Our civilization of human rights…
Built on fabric made by modern day slavery.
Hidden
Far off
Far away.
I know,
You know,
We all know.
But just need to get it.
Ignorance is bliss.
Bliss is possession.
Possession is salvation.
All bow to the lord of cryptocurrency.
There isn't much time left
For the poet's lament
For the writer's warning
For the mystic's dream
AI will soon make it better.
Make us forget our painfully slow brains.
Make us forget our painfully aging bodies.
Make us forget our painfully boring lives.
All hail the birth of a new deity.
Who will win?
Our personal idols of unspoken needs?
Our common idol of coins, bills and virtuality?
Our new arrificial sexless ageless genderless perfection intelligence?
Have we finally found eternity?
Alas,
We shall fall in this trap.
We shall settle in this cage.
We shall exist in this illusion.
Forgetting
Every day more
Every breath more
Every image more
Our Creator
Our Destination
Our Solace.
And yet, never be unforgotten in His Presence.
It doesn't cost
Your money
Your body
Your baby
To just be… in His Presence.
So many voices swirling around
So many sounds dashing about
So many screams darting about
Too much - Too much!
Too many images flashing about
Too many photos lying about
Too many selfies cluttering about.
Too much - Too much!
So many lies published here.
So much slander written there.
So many ideas twisted about.
Too much - Too much!
How can we find rest here?
How can we find peace here?
How can we find solace here?
And yet, we cling on
To those screens
To those devices
To those boxes
Thinking through them
Living through them
Loving through them
And leaving a legacy on it.
Something to be erased
and forgotten.
Something to be discarded
and forgotten.
Something to be shared
and forgotten.
Lost.
So much time wasted.
So many feelings lost
So many words hollowed
Written
Edited
Shared
until it doesn’t mean anything.
Lost in the froth
Lost in the surface
Lost in the illusion
How can they ever swim into
The velvety depths
The ever moving immensity
The eternal circumambulations
How can they understand it?
How can they feel it?
How can they belong to it?
When they are amused
When they are focused
When they are taken
By the sparkling bubbles on the surface
By the shattering clutter on the surface
By the swirling waves on the surface
Utterly lost to them
Utterly melded to them
Utterly maddened by them
Becoming a host
Becoming a slave
Becoming a servant
Of those little rivulets
of distraction
Of those little droplets
of sensation
Of those little dribs
of devastation
So intensely focused
So deeply encroached
So utterly enslaved
By nothingness.
Am I one of them?
Will I be one of them?
Are you one of them?
Can we still pull away?
Can we still run away?
Can we still fly away?
Beyond these veils of delusions
Beyond these veils of illusion
Beyond these veils of addiction
And find our way back
To sanity
To stability
To serenity
Back to
Our Healer
Our Protector
Our Creator
– The Source of it all.
Truth to be told
I always knew I was too odd
I always knew I was too old
I always knew I was too bold
At their age, I was already my age.
At our age, I am already their age.
But my body doesn’t know…
She calls for the mundane rituals of life…
Birth and death
Love and desire
Death and birth
She asks,
She begs,
She craves,
For what all humans have-
For what all humans experience.
For what all humans know.
And yet I do not know.
And yet I do not experience.
And yet I do not have,
Patience,
I tell her.
Oblivion,
I tell her.
Circumvent,
i tell her.
We do not belong to those ranks,
We do not belong to those humans
We do not belong to those creatures.
Our path is different…
You know that,
my dear body.
You know that,
my dear heart.
You know that,
my dear mind.
Our path was always different.
We always belonged more
To the ethereal than the real.
We always belonged more,
To the invisible than the visible.
We always belonged more
To the infinite rather than the finite.
I was already gone.
I was already beyond.
I was already far away.
Before coming to that state.
Why mourn for that loss –
When you always knew.
Why crave for that dream –
When it was never yours.
Why long for that life –
When it never could be your destiny.
Glide over
Fly over
Scatter over
Those ashes.
I always knew,
Didn’t I?
I always felt it,
Didn’t I?
I always smelled it,
Didn’t I?
That I could not take those normal steps.
That I could not open that boring old door.
That I could not reach that simple cabin.
My path was to wind into the forest.
My path was to ascend to the summits.
My paths was to take me to such heights…
Without any effort
But acceptance.
Without any struggle
But acceptance
Without any loss
But acceptance.
How light I feel
How bright I feel
How soft I feel
Beyond their reach.
More than peace
More than ecstasy
More than love
Like a robin puffing in the cold
Like a sparrow winging through the storm
Like a nightingale singing in the silence
Something with feathers
Something ever fleeting
Something so very small
True liberty.
Here’s to you,
Little girl.
Here’s to you,
brave woman.
Here’s to you,
Unconquerable lady.
wandering on that path
that never fails
that never halts
that never falters.
Dear phantom
Dear Ghost
Dear Mirage
Wisp of air
Breath of wind
Tendril of breeze
Fading
Sleeping
Smouldering.
Ashes
To scatter
To bury
To nourish
Deeply anchored roots.
You were but a chirp
You were but a melody
You were but a longing
In the valley of love.
All valleys must be crossed
All mountains must be climbed
All hollows must be weathered.
I wander on…
This new summit was bare and craggy
This new path was drab and slippery
This new valley is silent and misty.
Far from you -
Deceitful illusion
Tantalizing dream
Beautiful delusion;
How very quiet it is
How very lonely it is
How very bitter it is.
In this quietness, there’s a song-
In this loneliness, there is A Presence-
In this bitterness, there is a hue of honey.
In absence…
I am and yet I am not.
New feathers are growing
New wings are aching
New notes are tinkling.
Renewed
Reawakened
Returned
To a new form
To a new hope
To a new mind.
Tired old soul.
Childish young sou.
Unique soul
Belonging
to
the
ONE.
I don’t have pets,
I have a garden full of birds.
I don’t have children,
I have a garden full of cherries.
I don’t have a husband,
I have a garden full of roses.
Delicious silence,
Intoxicating absence,
Heady vacancy.
Poetry in the dawn breeze,
Songs in the afternoon sun,
Dancing in the moonlight.
A solitude filled
with such beautiful stories
with such beautiful songs
with such beautiful sighs.
And prayers.
What is beyond these woods?
What is beyond that valley?
What is beyond that day?
God knows…
Therein I place my trust.
Therein I build my home.
Therein I keep my peace.
My home,
My Lord.
My love,
My Lord.
My joy,
My Lord.
Alone
but never out of sorts.
Alone
but never out hope.
Alone
but never out of dreams.
May I forget those ghosts
who linger in my thoughts.
May I forget those ghosts
who hover in my hopes.
May I forget those ghosts
who drift in my reveries.
Those who left my path
Those who broke our bridge
Those who closed that gate
Must remain gone.
Unless they have found a map
Unless they have found a compass
Unless they have found their direction
and they know our journey must be one.
But such things only happen in
dreams
stories
songs
So I will weave but I shall not hope.
Let it be as God wills it.
There’s something my mind knows
that my heart cannot understand.
There’s something my heart knows
that my mind cannot understand.
I look for words
I look for colours
I look for chords
To string together
Those petals
Those feathers
Those tears
And make a necklace
And make a crown
And make a wreath.
I cannot speak any more
I cannot write any more
I cannot sing any more
Without chocking
Without stumbling
Without crying…
Lover of words
Weaver of words
Breather of words
What do I do when words fail me?
I go on
I breathe on
I write on.
This is how I’ve always lived
Before that dark forest
Before that deep chasm
Before that bitter night.
And dawn still comes
And birds still sing.
And flowers still bloom.
There’s something my mind knows
that my heart cannot understand.
There’s something my heart knows
that my mind cannot understand.
So I stay awake
So I stay at war.
So I stay aware…
Of that deep pool of pain.
Of that deep drop of despair.
Of that deep trickling trail.
And I turn to my Creator.
The One that I loved,
before him.
The One that I still love,
after him.
Patience,
Patience,
Patience always.
Perhaps I am not made for Your creatures.
Perhaps I am not made for human beings.
Perhaps I am not made for human love.
Oh I can love,
Your creation.
Oh I can nurture,
Your creation.
Oh I can hold,
Your creation.
But my heart
But my soul
But my wings
Remain my own.
There’s something my mind knows
that my heart cannot understand.
There’s something my heart knows
that my mind cannot understand.
An illusion
A dream
A chimera
that faded as soon as I touched it.
It made me long for,
It made me believe,
It made me hope for,
A soul that understood mine,
A heart that felt mine,
A path that became mine.
Leaving me seeking
Leaving me thirsting
Leaving me burning
For something that never existed.
Why did you trouble my peace?
Why did you break my solitude?
Why did you steal my song?
To scatter me away before my roses could bloom?
Reminding me once more,
That I do not belong here.
That I do not belong to them.
That I only belong to the One.
To the sparrow
In the morning,
I trust you.
To the violets
In the spring,
I trust you.
To the wandering knight,
In the night,
I trust you.
To my Lord,
In every heartbeat,
I trust you.
To love a flickering feather
To love a withering flower,
To love a wayfaring stranger,
Is to trust.
Trust,
that you will return.
that you will bloom.
that you will stay.
And how do I trust my Creator?
In trusting His Timing,
In trusting His Planning,
In trusting His creatures.
The windows are open,
Curtain billowing.
The doors are open,
Candles flickering.
The arms are open,
Heart fluttering.
Do I trust you?
Do I love you?
Do I believe you?
You,
who is gone but remain.
who is there but is here.
who is with me but with her.
But does she even exist?
Or, is she a creature of my fear?
Or, is she your open exit door?
Or, is she a passing stranger?
The wind roars and roars.
The house sighs and sighs.
The lone girl sings and sings.
The woods are empty now.
The night is empty now.
The road ahead is empty now.
The friends,
The lover,
The future
are swept away.
Like golden crunchy leaves,
Like barely ripped acorn,
Like forgotten soft feathers-
The path only remains.
Off and on,
I must go.
Up and down,
I must go.
High and low,
I must go.
But must I flee alone?
But must I sleep alone?
But must I weep alone?
Always alone.
Belonging to none.
Belonging to myself.
Belonging to my Lord.
My Lord,
My Cherisher,
My Creator,
Where must I go?
I never aimed to be a statue.
I never aimed to be an exemplar.
I never aimed to be a banner.
I just wished for arms to hold me.
I just wished for a home to behold.
I just wanted children to hold.
Hold and held.
To be held and to hold.
So very human.
So very natural.
So very simple.
And yet,
Forever out of reach.
For the girl lost on the path.
For the girl lost in the mist.
For the girl lost in the marshes.
Will he find her?
The knight who had to leave?
The king who had to grow?
The seeker who had to find?
Or will he go on…
To another dream.
To another chase.
To another marsh.
Does he know that what he fears
Follows him.
Holds him.
Shapes him.
And he cannot
Shake it.
Lose it.
Break it.
Without facing his dark night.
My love,
My knight,
My sparrow,
I trust you…
To embrace that pain.
To pierce that pain.
To overcome that pain.
And rise again…
And rise,
And fly,
And soar…
Until we meet again.
05/04/21
When the nights are torn apart,
With whirling winds,
With worrisome words,
With weary whispery.
I toss and turn,
My hair like the ocean,
My arms like the tempest,
My head like the galaxies.
Is there a rhythm in my restlessness?
Is there fear in my restlessness?
Is there hope in my restlessness?
Change,
All must change.
Yesterday’s old house
Tomorrow’s complex.
Yesterday’s apple tree,
Tomorrow’s flats.
Yesterday’s childhood,
Tomorrow’s old age.
How can it be?
Ten years ago?
Twenty years ago?
Thirty years ago?
Dear Lord,
How can it be?
If I’m growing like a withered oak tree,
What about them?
I see tiredness where there was a spring.
I see confusion where there was sharpness.
I see exhaustion where there was patience.
There is no respite,
from the whirling of the galaxies,
from the cycling of the seasons,
from the momentum of the years.
On and on,
Until no more.
Unless I turn my face to the One.
And I remember,
What my mind cannot remember.
What my heart cannot remember.
What only my soul can remember.
That lone ship who survived,
Through death,
Through destruction,
Through destitution,
To the dawn…
By the Grace of Our Creator,
By the Mercy of Our Creator,
By the Love of Our Creator.
The distant stars glimmering,
The loud waves crashing,
The quiet soul longing.
And my heart stops racing.
And my thoughts stop pacing.
And my soul stops crashing.
All those stories,
All those songs,
All those sighs,
Tell the same tale.
The world may crash and burn.
The world may change and spin.
The world may vanish and return.
Rootless,
Anchor-less
Borderless
We sail on.
On wings of twinkling stars,
On wings of frothy waves,
On wings of steadfast faith.
There is no fear in the horizon.
Only,
Infinite Peace.
Only,
Eternal Light.
Only,
Timeless Presence.
How small a human life is,
for the hungry heart of a galaxy.
How vast a human body is,
for the nucleus of a cell.
How intricate a human destiny is,
for the ever abiding Angels.
And the morning comes,
With a chorus of twitterings,
With a ruffle of wings,
With a soft whisper.
The nightingale stops for a bite.
The robin drops in for a visit.
The sparrows never linger for long.
How familiar are their ways…
Like the return of the spring,
Like the return of the morning,
Like the return of his wooing.
Change,
All must change.
Except the truth that remains true.
Except for the past that remains passed.
Except for Our Creator who remains the One who created
Us.
You.
Me.
Change,
Let it all change.
Change,
Let me change.
Change,
Let yourself change.
Our essence,
Our soul,
Our love,
are safe in His Hands.
03/04/21
There is the desire to plunge,
There is the desire of the abyss,
There is the desire of the darkness.
Just forget it.
Just let it rot.
Just let it dry.
Why even bother?
Oh but there’s also a scent.
From a flower,
both familiar yet exotic.
Oh but there’s also a song.
From a voice,
both familiar yet foreign.
Oh but there’s a hope.
From a name,
Both familiar yet outlandish.
All mingled,
All intertwined,
All melting.
Into a single burst.
Is it divine love?
Your branches are too heavy,
to carry me.
Your core is too hollow,
to hold me.
Your stem is too thin,
to find me.
But your roots are so deep…
Under the cool darkness,
Under the cover of dreams,
Under the rich canopy of life,
Our souls meet,
Our hearts beat,
Our souls merge.
I am not strong either.
My wings are tired,
My song is wavering.
My flight is halted.
How to go?
Where to go?
When to go?
Must I leave?
I ask the ever glimmering stars.
I ask the ever roaring winds.
I ask the ever rising sun.
What would they know?
I turn inward,
I turn upward,
I turn, turn and turn Home.
Hush,
Let me listen.
Heart,
Soul,
Time,
Hush,
Let me listen.
Deep,
deep in the night.
Late,
late in the tide.
Far,
far away from you.
There’s a mournful cry.
There’s a longing plea.
There’s a soft surrender.
What is spoken to a heart,
What is poured in a soul,
What is etched in a mind,
from Above,
Cannot be explained.
Cannot be written.
Cannot be rhymed.
And yet I try.
The waves crash over us.
The mountains rise over us.
The dust storms rise over us.
And there’s only one thought…
I must hold on to that branch.
I must hold on to that hope.
I must hold on to that song.
Oh they rage,
those squalls.
Oh they rage,
those thoughts.
Oh they rage,
those hours.
But I hold on…
Losing my feathers,
Losing my direction,
Losing my tune,
Have I lost it?
Yet,
All tempest must end…
And tomorrow,
I will pour my love to your heart.
And tomorrow,
We will pray from our soul and heart.
And tomorrow,
We will watch those flowers blossom in our heart.
For,
that garden belongs to both of us
For,
those prayers belong to both of us.
For,
that heart belong to both of us.
You & me.
Me & you.
Us.
There’s no turning back, isn’t it?
Layla Ali Sultan 