Tag: love

10/09/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

To admit that you’re gone.
To admit that you have disappeared
To admit that you will never return… ever.

Is to admit this absence within me.
Is to admit this silence over me.
Is to admit this space around me.

How does the sand feels after the waves retreat?
How does the twig feel after the wind has died down?
How does the riverbed feel after the stream has melted into the earth?

Ah, the earth who has all our whispers.
Ah, the earth who has all our footsteps.
Ah, the earth who has all our decaying bodies.

Gone, radio-silence, gone.
Gone, ghosting, gone.
Gone, dead, gone.

Gone.
and now what?

Don’t ask me where I am.
Don’t come to my doorstep.
Don’t bang at my door.

I’m gone too.

Where to?
The owl asks deep in the night.

Where to?
The wind howlers at dawn.

Where to?
The blue tit twirps in the afternoon.

Where to? How to? How come?

This poem wasn’t supposed to finish this way.
This song wasn’t supposed to fade this way.
The summer wasn’t supposed to patter off this way.

Not this way.

But I do not command the wind.
But I do not command the clouds.
But I do not command destiny.

There’s was once a fool that believed that…

she could follow a dream vision.
she could conjure up a lover.
she could use telepathy to send her poems.

and secure what wasn’t for her.
and create a perfect scenario for reality.
and bring back the one who didn’t belong to her.

What happened to that girl?

Follow that winding path,
Cross that drying brooke.
Climb that rocky hill.

and maybe you’ll find….

That fading and ethereal wise woman.
That rusty and ruddy wild witch.
That tangled and brawny wood fairy.

Let me warn you…

she only answers the call of the robin.
she only opens her window late at night.
she only opens her door for the wild creatures.

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For a clump of violets,
A trickle of rose essence,
And a feather,

She might let you sit by her glowing hearth.
She might listen to the whispers of your heart.
She might let you find healing for all your hurts.

But don’t ask her where she is.
Don’t.

Lest she flies off.

09/09/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

Now that the birds are fleeing,
and the leaves falling,
and the petals scattering –

I can no longer be the girl you met in summer,
autumn is creeping over me;

shading me, sheltering me.
changing me, polishing me.
cradling me, burying me.

The summer berries’ taste is still lingering

on my lips
in my hair.
… my fingers.

But I can hear a call.
But I can hear a whisper.
But I can hear a song….

From deep in the forest.
From beyond the river.
From beyond my summer lair.

I must go,
I have to return.
I have to run and run…

Until I see it :

that glimmer in the sky
that spark in my heart
that glow in the distance.

Closer,
closer,
closer.

Here,

I can feel the wood under my hands,
I can feel the soft rug under my feet.
I can feel that gentle warmth on my skin.

Outside,
Outside the world is dying and decaying.

Inside,
Inside, our home is glowing and full of mirth.

Here and now,
Here and now, I am close to you and I am safe.

Every year,

when the leaves are aflame,
when the ground is cold,
when the birds have bid us farewell,

I take that path…

In the dark mud,
through the sleeping trees,
over the freezing river…

to the cabin.

Where the fire sputters,
Where the heart settles
Where the soul flies….

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and You wait.

08/09/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

Alone isn’t the right word,
Dear.

Lonely is perhaps the right word,
Love.

And you fill me up with your kind woods.
And you make me dance with your stories-
And you make me glimmer with your interest.

He cares.
He does.
I fall asleep with a smile.

He doesn’t know me.
He doesn’t understand me.
I wake up with a frown.

I run,
I jump into the waves,
and swim so far away.

This is my loneliness-
Its my garb.
It’s my tower.

Mine, not yours.
Me, not you.

But you recognize yourself in my faltering smile.
But you recognize yourself in my uneven words.
But you recognize yourself in my bittersweet tears.

Two weatherbeaten travelers.

Sharing a story by the campfire.
Sharing a prayer around dawn.
Sharing a wordless longing.

But dear,
I am not yours.

But dear,
You are not mine.

We belong to ghosts.
We belong to the departed.
We don’t even belong to ourselves.

Love,

Hush, it’ll be aright.
Hush, I pray that you find love.
Hush, this story isn’t ours.

I am not your gentle crutch.
You are not my pretty illusion.

Your arms cannot hold me.
My heart cannot contain you.

The waves lapping at my feet.
The wind tearing at my heart.
Tears making my smile shine.

Like a beacon of hope.
Like a steady lighthouse.
Like a fading signal fire.

Fading…

The warm comforter,
in tatters.

The delicate sparkler,
and darkness.

The soothing echo,
and silence.

And you are the one who waited.

The rain beating on your face,
Your body merging to that bench.
The darkness covering your loyalty.

Dear,

let us shake hands with a blessing .
let us take the path that calls us.
let us belong to our own solitude.

Fare thee well.

04/09/19 12:33

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

I know you don’t care,
I know you don’t even know me.

But I have to tell you,

my love,
my life,
my hope;

that if I leave too,
I will never return.

Will you ever find that castle by the sea?
Will you ever find that hut in the woods?
Will ever find that cabin in the valley?

Will you even want to find it?

Behind the crest,
Under the oak and the aspen.
Far beyond the tree line, and beneath the everlasting ice.

But I will not be waiting.
But I will not be pinning.
But I will not be praying….

for you.

I will be living for me.

Filling my life with songs and stories.
Filling my silence with birds and cats.
Filling my heart with wonder and God.

Too far from the world of men.
Too far from the world of greed.
Too far from the world of decay.

To be tainted.
To be hurt.
To be held.

away, away,
my love.

I know you won’t wonder.
I know you don’t even wonder about me anymore. 

I know, I know,
Do I?

Don’t ask my laments.
Don’t ask my stories.
Don’t ask my soul….

Because you cannot handle my truth.
Because you cannot handle my love.
Because you canot handle me.

Just run,
run.
my love.

I am gone too, this time.
I am lost too, this time.
I am out of reach too, this time.

Never to return.

04/09/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

I keep on promising myself.
I keep on telling others
I keep on repeating it.

No more.

No more thinking about you.
No more talking about you,
No more dreaming about you.

About your words.
About your gaze,
About your farewell.

About that absence

that grows larger than our hours together
that grows more flowers than your presence.
that grows beyond whatever that could have been.

But it’s such a delicious anguish…

To fall back to that fool’s hope.
To fall back to that fading dream.
To fall back to those spectral arms.

No more, dear.

No more of that madness.
No more of that illness.
No more of that poison.

Until the leaves fall again.
Until the sun fades away.
Until the wind blows again.

Everything melts into amber.
Everything glows  into gold.
And everything fades again.

and I’m too tired to fight against

Your name
Your ghost
You remains.

and I roll a message in a bottle.
throw the bottle in the sea.
and drown into the billows.

and rise again

From the crimson waves
From the pink hues
From the golden morning.

 

With new stories to tell.

03/09/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

They look at me.

Their eyes following me.
Their eyes assessing me,
Their eyes searching mine.

But my gaze is turned towards

The sliver of a moon
The glimmer of a star
The haze of a galaxy

Barely perceptible
Barely fathomable
Barely noticeable.

Beyond;
Far off;
Far beyond.

To you.
To You.

To another world.

I am not here.
They think they see me.

I am not here.
You don’t even think about me.

I am not here.
But He cradles me.

Luminous
Intangible
Breathless

I disappear.

Just like you.
Leaving them to wonder.

Who was she?
What was she?
Well, who cares?

I’m late for work.

30/08/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 The sun is stil warm in my hair,
 The earth is cooling down beneath my feet.
 

 ice cubes jingling in their glasses,
 birds dropping leaves like feathers.
 

 softly, softly,
 almost like a whisper.
 

 Dear love, 
 I sing to you in a language that neither of us 
 speak.
 

 Dear love,
 I write to you in a langage that both of us
 lost.
 

 Dear love,
 I dream in a language that only to the both of us
 belong.
 

 One white and pink rose,
 two stands of lavender,
 peonies… 
 

 Do you like my bouquet?
 Do you like my poems?
 Do you ever think about me?
 

 I painted a canvas over your wreckage. Like the night sky.
 I embroidered a sail for your journey. Like a golden wing.
 I built an empire for your memory. Like a legendary kingdom.
 

 One tinkling became an orchestra.
 One word became a saga.
 One dream became a whole life.
 

 A life of waiting.
 A life of dreaming.
 A life of running.
 

 Running from me,
 Running from you,
 Running to us.
 

 Us,
 she snickers.
 

 Us,
 she sighs.
 

 Us
 she cries.
 

 And laughs. 
 

 But you don’t know this girl. 
 Do you?
 

 Hush.
 Halt.
 Hear.
 

 The echoes of time before time.
 The scent of a barely lingering time.
 The glimmer of that first Light.
 

 Still warm,
 Still welcoming.
 Still embracing.
 

 You must remember.
 Your soul must known.
 Your heart must echo.
 

 That first beat.
 

 Softly, softly.
 Firmly, firmly,
 Eternally, eternally.
 

 Can your hear it?
 Can you hear me?

05/08/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 I close my eyes
 breathe in
 Breathe out.
 

 I can feel your pain.
 I can feel your struggle.
 I can feel your hopelessness.
 

 I open my eyes
 Look around
 Look about.
 

 You are not here.
 But I am here.
 

 With a soft voice
 I sing for you.
 

 With a strong voice
 I pray for you.
 

 With a voiceless voice
 I hold you.
 

 As I lay down to sleep
 I try to remember your face.
 

 As i settled down to sleep,
 I try to reach you.
 

 As fall down in sleep,
 I try to write to you.
 

 In my dreams,
 I write and I write.
 

 In my dreams
 I share and I share.
 

 In my dreams,
 I dare and I dare.
 

 And then I wake up,
 And I remember.
 

 And then I remember,
 how you you left.
 

 And you left,
 never to return.