I don’t want a new dress
I don’t want a new face
I don’t want a new love
New is unknown.
New is foreign.
New is tiresome.
I want to be known.
I want to know.
To know without words.
I want to slip in a warm home.
I want to slip in a familiar bed.
I want to drift in familiar woods.
I dream of them…
The ghost who slipped through my fingers
The ghost who slit open my heart
The ghosts who could only linger;
Never stay.
Who are those strangers?
Stranger to my heart.
Who are those foreigners?
Foreigner to my heart.
Who are those intruders?
Intruders to my heart.
Can’t let them know.
Can’t let them in.
Can’t let them stay.
Tired rain-heavy roses
Scattering scattering
Lolling lolling.
Fading fading.
Is it too late?
Is it too soon?
Patience
Peace.
Prayer.
My lips move
Wordlessly.
My wings move
Flightlessly
My heart moves
Restlessly.
Love always sputters out
Love always springs out
Love always sprouts out.
Ivy on crumbly towers
Roses on crumbly gates
Daisies on crumbly lands.
Life and Love
Love and Life.
Lush leaves glistering
Thick sap sputtering
Unseen fungi sprouting.
What is old springs new life.
New life springs from the old.
But none of those strangers are you.
And yet,
I must embrace the new season.
And yet,
I must embrace the new songs.
And yet,
I must embrace the new awakening.
We are made of atoms
We are made of sighs
We are made of particles
of the same stars
of the same rocks
of the same earth
And perhaps,
That spark
That glint
That echo
could be found in another.
For when we love the moon,
We love reflected light.
For when we love lakes,
We love reflected light.
For when we love others
We love reflected Light.
And in that Light
We are forever entwined
We are forever found
We are forever united.
And perhaps my prayers
become gems
become roses
become warmth
bestowed on you.
And you know you are not forgotten.
And you know you are not unloved.
And you know you are not hated.
And you know…
As God decrees.
As God allows.
As God enables.
I dreamt that moment
so many times
I prayed for that moment
so many times
I imagined that moment
so many times.
Curtain lifting
Dawn breaking
Mists rising
You & me
Me & you.
Face to face,
Voice to voice,
Smile to mile.
But you are silent
But you are deaf
But you are gone
And I’m still here.
Loving myself
Holding myself
Keeping myself
Yet, still, yearning for you.
Yet, still, hoping for you.
Yet, still, longing for you.
For you,
Love is longing.
For you,
Love is pain.
For you,
Love is distance.
And I am gone, now.
What I wished
What I hoped
What I craved
Wasn’t to be.
God knows best.
And I wish to love Him
more than you.
And I wish to trust Him
more than myself.
And I wish to find Him
more than a lover.
God knows best.
That man isn’t you.
He spoke like you.
He wrote like you.
He weaved like you.
Pretty words
Pretty prayers
Pretty feelings.
Matching his words with deeds
Unlike you.
Keeping his words light
Unlike you.
Respecting me with his words
Unlike you.
I wish i could write an elegy for you.
But you are still living,
There’s still hope for you.
And for me?
There’s possibility
There’s hope
There’s tomorrow.
Without you
My heart,
breaking
hoping
striving
Without you.
Layla Ali Sultan 