Infatuation
Infiltration
Intrusion
Deceived me.
I lost my footing,
I lost my wings,
I lost my way…
Or so I thought.
How does one see in pitch dark?
How does one feel in searing pain?
How does one know in deep silence?
Unable to move.
Unable to walk.
Unable to fly
I waited.
In spite of the dark
In spite of the pain
In spite of the silence
I knew You hadn’t left me.
As I regain my sight,
As I regain my senses,
As I regain my hearing…
I first saw those familiar faces.
I first saw those familiar feathers.
I first saw those familiar flames.
I first felt my soft skin shiver.
I first felt the soft leaves shiver.
I first felt those soft petals shiver.
I first heard my heart beat.
I first heard my birds sing.
I first heard them call my name.
Who were they?
Those who knew me.
Those who seek me.
Those who loved me…
And never left.
Like a cat jumping on my lap,
Like a mother looking for my smile.
Like a friend asking me to hear my voice.
And as they drew me close,
I drew closer to You.
This is what love is…
Not blinding passion
Not destructive desire.
Not desperate need.
Love is warm, like waves.
Love is constant, like sunrises.
Love is gentle, like feathers.
It’s Your embrace.
It’s Your solace.
It’s Your light.
And I never lost it…
I had just fallen in that well.
Like Prophet Joseph.
I had just fallen into that fish,
Like Prophet Jonas.
I had just fallen in that grief,
Like Prophet Job.
But I am just a girl
But I am just a sparrow.
But I am just a violet.
Weak.
Insignificant
Forgotten.
You are the roots that keep me upright.
You are the sap that keeps me thriving.
You are the sunshine that keeps me living.
You are all that keeps me sane.
You are all that keeps me breathing.
You are all that keeps me flying.
When I have lost my feathers,
When I have lost my élan,
When I have lost my way.
You beckon me home to You.
With the love of Your creatures,
With the beauty of Your creation,
With the rhythm of Your words.
And I know now…
I had to descend into the abyss,
to find pearls and corals.
I had to climb to the torrent,
to find gems and minerals.
I had to swim in bitter waters,
to find wings and truth.
A storm to give me,
the right wind
A well to give me,
the right insight
A dark night to give me,
the right cover.
To spread my wings,
To open my heart,
To free my soul….
And turn to You.
And perhaps,
Grow closer
Dig deeper
Rise truer
On that path that leads home to You.
Every day,
a bird would gently chirp.
Every day,
the vine would quietly grow.
Every day,
feathers would garner my path.
It wasn’t much,
But it was enough.
Enough to make me smile
Enough to make me sing
Enough to make me hope.
A hope full of feathers,
A hope full of greenery,
A hope full of songs…
And nights full of prayers.
And nights full of dreams.
And nights full of longings.
It was enough,
But it wasn’t much.
On a twig,
I built a castle.
On a feather,
I built a ship.
On a song,
I built a whole life.
Words were enough,
To make me believe.
To make me trust.
To make me his.
And yet, those words were
like a hollow bark,
like a fallen branch,
like a sunken root.
Untrue,
Unholy,
Unreliable.
And I fell deep into the hole
Like a lost feather
Like a crushed leaf,
Like a forgotten acorn.
That pain in my chest,
That sinking pain within,
That crushing pain pouring forth,
All bursting my shell…
And thus I was left,
And thus I was forgotten,
And thus I was planted.
There are darker months ahead,
There are frozen months ahead,
There are silent months ahead,
But they are necessary.
For the acorn to burst
For the seed to reach,
For the seedling to stretch,
To find a new spring.
Let it be,
Let it go,
Let it flow…
I am but a seed
I am but a hope,
I am but a wish
And You are my sun,
And You are my creator,
And You are my protector,
You will keep me safe.
You will keep me growing.
You will keep me glowing.
Safely under Your care.
Layla Ali Sultan 