Tag: spilled ink

07/11/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 

 Deep rust dew,
 Light golden sunbeam,
 Soft pitter patter.
 
 Haven’t I told you before?

 I am not from this world.
 I am not for this world.
 I merely exist here.
 
 The bridge I left behind
 
 Fell apart as I stepped on it.
 Dissolved as I stepped on it.
 Blew away as I stepped on it.
 
 I leaped over the abyss
 I flew over the abyss 
 I rose over over the abyss.
 
 The bridge in front of me
 
 Is already wobbling.
 Is already fading.
 Is already whining.

 I wish you were strong enough to catch me
 I wish you were strong enough to hold me.
 I wish you were strong enough to follow me.
 
 Through the muddy path,
 Over the sharp ridges,
 Under the thick mossed earth.
 
 Leaning over that void
 Where you once stood.

 Leaning over that well,
 Where you once spoke.
 
 Leaning over that crevasse 
 Where you once beckoned me. 
 
 I scatter pearls and feathers,
 I scatter petals and ashes,
 I scatter smoke and tears.
 
 But I already know that it’s in vain.
 
 So I turn around,
 I turn left,
 and keep on turning left.
 
 Until I find a whiff of 
 
 Myrrh 
 Frankincense
 Roses.
 
 and I find the stairwell,
 and I find the base camp,
 and I find the holy cave.
 
 Where I can truly hear.
 Where I can truly speak. 
 Where I can truly connect.

 … And at last be understood. 
 
 Dear sparrow,
 
 So gentle,
 So constant,
 So chatty.
 
 I listen to you.
 You listen to me.
 Neither is understood.
 
 I see you plunge into the fountain 
 Flap around your wings.

 I see you plunge your beak,
 Drink your fill.
 
 How brave,
 How endearing,
 How beautiful.
 
 But I am no bird…
 
 What am I?
 
 I look deep into that chasm,
 I look deep into that smoke,
 I look deep into that well,
 
 And try to find an echo of me.
 
 An apple tree,
 An apple blossom,
 An apple seed.
 
 Nothing more.
 
 A nurturing creature,
 A loving heart,
 And a promise to keep.
 
 Find my shoots in spring,
 Find my flowers in summer,
 Find my fruits in autumn,
 Find my bare core in the winter.
 
 Ever glowing
 Ever growing,
 Ever giving.

 But never yours.
 
 I belong to the seasons,
 I belong to the sunshine,
 I belong to the rainfall.
 
 I belong to the thick and rich soil.
 I belong to the soft and warm sun.
 I belong to the vigorous and living sap.
 
 But foremost…
 
 From my ever growing roots,
 Through my solid core,
 To my ever growing fruits,
 
 I belong to
 
 The One who created me.
 The One who nourished me.
 The One who protected me.
 
 and to Whom I will return.
 
 Listen to the bee,
 Smell the winter jasmine,
 Hold the fallen acorns.
 
 It is not winter yet.
 and yet, it will return.
 
 How thin the veils between the worlds are.
 How soft the voices calling to each other are.
 How persistant the souls drawn to each other are.
 
 Kismet.
 
 Come, come closer…
 
 Perhaps these woods are not haunted.
 Perhaps that crone is not evil.
 Perhaps that path isn’t thorny.
 
 Come, come closer…
 
 Maybe  I am wrong.
 Maybe you are right.
 Maybe… 
 
 Come, come closer…
 
 Perchance, this cabin isn’t an illusion.
 Perchance, this roaring fire isn’t a dream.
 Perchance, this embrace isn’t a fantasy.
 
 Destiny?

 When the leaves fall, 
 One by one.
 
 When the squirrels gather nuts,
 One by one.
 
 When the birds leave,
 One by One.
 
 I cannot see clearly.
 The mists.
 
 I cannot think clearly, 
 The bogs.
 
 I cannot understand clearly,
 The sunsets.
 
 So short,
 So short is a day.
 
 So far,
 So far we must go.
 
 Will you follow me?

06/11/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 

 The rain never stops 
 
 The golden leaves become brown mulch
 The remaining birds become wailing wraiths.
 The trees become shivering strangers.
 
 But in the death of night.
 
 Utter stillness.
 Utter silence.
 Utter softness.
 
 Is it dawn yet?
 
 I can hear a hopeful bird brightly chirping.
 I can smell the earth once more living. 
 I can hear the branches gently swaying.
 
 The storm has ended.
 
 Outside,
 
 The path is sodden,
 The boughs are green. 
 The sun is bright.
 
 Cold, cold morning. 

 Are you still here?
 
 The one I roved behind.
 The one I drove away. 
 The one who remained.
 
 Don’t leave,
 
 Not when the fire’s dying embers.
 Not when my words are dying embers. 
 Not when my heart is smothered in dying embers.
 
 Don’t leave yet.
 
 He left when all I did was
 
 To scatter pearls in his hands.
 To scatter petals in his hair.
 To scatter tears on his heels.
 
 You whom,
 
 I run from every new moon.
 I tiptoe to every full moon.
 I hold close every waning moon. 
 
 Will you?
 Will stay for the waxing moon?
 
 I can see it in this army of bare trees.
 I can see it reflected in the rainwater.
 I can see it behind the veil of the clouds.
 
 A silver glimmer of hope.
 
 The words I draw in the mud
 The songs I whisper in the night
 The faces I make in the mists 
 
 All stem from fear.
 
 Deafening terror.
 Pounding horror.
 Shivering stupor.
 
 The wind blew yesterday.
 
 Leaving but the bare earth.
 Leaving but the bare trees.
 Leaving but the bare heart.
 
 The forest loses its mystery after 
 
 The wild melancholy
 The tormenting sigh
 The tempestuous farewell 

 Of autumn.
 
 All is offered.
 
 Heart,
 Soul,
 And mind.
 
 No leaves to hide,
 No flowers to garnish,
 No shelter to shield,
 
 From your gaze.
 
 Only me.
 
 Now you know,
 
 Where to find her den.
 Where to find her lair. 
 Where to find her hideout. 
 
 You knock, you knock.
 You call, you call.
 You ask, you ask.
 
 Too often.
 
 I slam the door shut.
 I lock the door shut.
 I bolt the door shut. 
 
 and I escape from the window.
 
 And I roam.
 And I howl.
 And I roll.
 
 In magical hills you cannot reach.
 In a forsaken land you cannot imagine.
 In a hidden world you cannot grasp. 
 
 Free, at last.
 Free, at will.
 Free, for now.
 
 Will you?
 Will you be there when I return?
 
 To hear my words.
 To heal my world.
 To head my words.
 
 Perhaps one day,
 
 You will come to
 
 Smile to me,
 Hold me,
 Carry me.
 
 To another land
 
 That neither of us know of.
 That neither of us dream of.
 That neither of us know the way to.
 
 The path is hidden.
 
 For mere mortals,
 For mere lonely creatures,
 For mere cowardly children.
 
 Only blessed lovers know this way.
 
 Wait.
 Breathe.
 
 Not too late,
 Not too soon,
 
 Lest I run,
 Lest I hide.
 
 Be calm,
 Be strong,
 Be soft,
 
 Our hearts already know the way.
 
 If this is true.
 If this for us
 If this is written.
 
 Don’t leave,
 Don’t stay.
 Don’t.
 
 Let it be.
 Let it rain.
 Let it trickle.

 And look up to that silver glimmer of hope.

02/11/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 Is it autumn or is it me?
 Is it november or is it you?
 Is it the storm or is it my soul?
 
 I can’t remember my name.
 I can’t remember my destination.
 I can’t remember my home.
 
 Grey walls,
 Dusty windows,
 Dark wooden doors.
 
 Where is the glowing hearth?
 Where is the glimmering candle?
 Where is the glittering song?

 Birds chirp against the wind.
 
 The sparrow and his brothers.
 The robin and her brood.
 The great tit and his clan.
 
 Some will leave.
 Some will stray.
 Some will remain.
 
 Up, up on the branches.
 Far, far in the horizon.
 Deep, deep in the forest.
 
 Leaving me to my shrubs,
 Leaving me to my doorstep,
 Leaving me to my hearth.
 
 Without a song….

 To lull me.
 To wake me.
 To light me up.
 
 Like the matches the little girl wasted.
 
 My fingers are twisted in pain,
 My head is full of decaying leaves.
 My legs are heavier than stones
 
 So heavy,
 So heavy
 I could sink to the bottom of
 
 The pond.
 The lake
 The ocean.
 
 Will I rise again like the skeleton lady?
 Will I rise again like foamy waves?
 Will I rise again like a phoenix?
 
 It doesn’t matter if I’m too tangled for love.
 It doesn’t mater if I’m a prisoner of this cycle.
 It doesn’t mater if I became ashes to come back.

 The dull pain,
 The weighty loneliness,
 The never-ending labyrinth

 Nothing matters as long as I have
 
 My wits
 My wings 
 My words.
 
 If I can write a line.
 If I can weave a tale. 
 If I can stitch up another life. 
 
 It is all worth it.
 
 Dear,
 
 Don’t wait in the forgotten street.
 Don’t wait in the never-ending night.
 Don’t wait in the pouring rain. 

 I am not here. 
 I never was. 
 
 You saw a star in the distance.
 You saw a glimmer in the distance.
 You saw a shadow in the distance.
 
 And you chased it all the way down here.
 
 Mistaking me for your destiny.
 Mistaking me for your last hope.
 Mistaking me for the answer to your prayers.
 
 But I am only a woman.
 
 Chasing her own star.
 Chasing her own destiny.
 Chasing her own hope.
 
 I have nothing to give anymore.
 
 But,
 
 Tatters.
 Tears
 And tales.
 
 I gather 
 
 Dewdrops
 Drops of anguish
 Droplets of hope.
 
 And I drink deep.

 Like the trees after a draught.
 Like an athlete after a feat.
 Like a child after a long day.
 
 Does it show in my eyes ?
 Does it show in my fingertips ?
 Doest it show in my stories?
 
 The hope I try to sow.
 The hope I try to grow.
 The hope I try to flourish
 
 Within me?
 
 Was it this gleam
 Was it this melody
 Was it this sigh
 
 That brought you here?
 
 Take it,
 
 The petals of inspiration,
 The shimmer of creation,
 The echoes of my poems,

 Take it.
 
 But let my sail 
 But let my song
 But let my soul
 
 Roving and free.
 Roaming and free.
 Rambling and free.
 
 Free.

31/10/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 There’s a fairy who lives by an airfield.
 There’s a witch who lives by a chemical lab. 
 There’s an elven maiden who lives by the recycling bins. 
 
 On that sidewalk, I always find feathers.
 On that fence, I always find garlands.
 On that curb, I always find silver cups.
 
 Is it an offering?
 Is it an appeasement?
 Is it an ode?

 To something
 To someone
 To some place
 
 I cannot know about.
 
 The forgotten nuclear facility is a ruined castle.
 The forgotten ferris wheel is a ghost train.
 The forgotten doll is a spectre of innocence lost. 
 
 No wild moorlands here.
 No crumbling towers here.
 No bewitching urban tales here.
 
 Just the chemicals…
 
 In the breeze we breathe.
 In the draught we drink.
 In the eels we eat. 
 
 Making us choke.
 Making us keel.
 Making us creak. 
 
 Older than we look.
 Younger than we feel.
 Aging before age. 
 
 And yet,
 
 Beyond the gray bricks.
 Beyond the sickly sweet air.
 Beyond the deafening noise.
 
 There’s a redbreast robin.
 There’s the golden scent of autumn. 
 There’s a cheerful birdsong.
 
 Drawing us close.
 Pulling us in.
 Covering us.
 
 And the thick fumes,
 And the plastic cages,
 And the bitter water
 
 Are left behind.
 
 There’s a young girl,
 There’s a forgotten woman,
 There’s an old lady,
 
 by that gate.
 by that shrub.
 by that pond.
 
 They say 
 
 Her heart is enclosed in metal.
 Her eyes are covered with plastic. 
 Her mouth is laden with gasoline.
 
 Children run from her.
 Men scuttle from her.
 Only women are drawn to her.
 
 They don’t see what you see.
 
 They see 
 
 The bleeding heart,
 The weeping eyes,
 The hurried gasp,
 
 And hear her lullabies.
 And hear her croon.
 And hear her hymn. 
 
 They see a fairy with torn wings.
 They see a witch with missing hands.
 They see an elven maiden with a broken heart.
 
 They come to her for healing.
 
 For the world.
 For themselves.
 For her.
 
 They sit around the fire.
 They sit around the roses.
 They sit around the brew.
 
 And they whisper secrets.
 And they chant prayers.
 And they weaves peace.
 
 That echo through the night.
 That echo through the factory.
 That echo through the city.
 
 And the wisps of fumes fade.
 And the poison seeps out of the river.
 And the earth is living again.
 
 A swift sunshine
 A clear birdsong,
 A fresh breath.
 
 The earth is breathing again. 
 The earthlings are breathing again.
 The hearth is heartening again. 
 
 And the lady of the woods,
 And the fay of the woods 
 And the crone of the woods,
 
 … is a girl once more.
 
 Full of hopes,
 Full of life,
 Full of love.
 
 Vines are growing over the white buildings.
 Weeds are growing on the cracked asphalt.
 Shrubs are growing beyond the fences.
 
 Breathe in,
 
 You can taste mushroomed pathways.
 You can smell the rotting foliage and feathers. 
 You can take in the quickening of the end. 
 
 So musky,
 So rich,
 So real.

 Nothing like their chemical corruption.
 Nothing like their radioactive seedlings. 
 Nothing like their engineered vegetation. 
 
 All is well, all is right. 
 Nature claims her right.
 Humanity is back on the right path.
 
 Breathe out.

 And the girl is free.
 And the girl is healed. 
 And the girl is reborn;
 
 Once more.
 
 Rejuvenated .
 Renewed.
 Restored.
 
 I can breathe again. 

30/10/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 Today I cast a bottle in the sea.
 Today I sent a pigeon into the winds.
 Today, I dropped a coin in the well. 

 I didn’t tell anyone,
 
 But the sparrows bracing for winter,
 But the squirrels packing for winter,
 But the trees baring for the winter.
 
 They didn’t see the sunset on my cheeks,
 They didn’t see the rain in my eyes
 They didn’t see the spring on my lips.
 
 It’s like singing a lullaby
 
 Against the wind,
 Against the world
 Against the web.
 
 Like a revolution.
 Like a declamation.
 Like a declaration.
 
 That nobody will hear.
 
 They all died on the battlefield.
 They all deserted years ago.
 They all ran like traitors.
 
 The war is over.
 
 Only the wind rumbles.
 Only the bees bumble.
 Only the lost stumble.
 
 Who are the lost ones?
 
 The lovelorn,
 The loverless,
 The lovers…
 
 It’s a madness, isn’t it?
 
 But you never notice it when you are 
 
 Hand in hand,
 Lips to lips,
 Heart to heart.
 
 You only open your eyes 
 
 When the night is utterly still.
 When the morning is utterly bright.
 When the end is utterly near.
 
 Or when you shiver alone at a bus stop.
 Or when you wander alone at the death of night.
 Or when you wake up alone after a realistic dream. 
 
 Pure madness.
 
 Quick,
 
 Breath in in the autumn mulch 
 Breath out the busy city.
 Breath in last year’s roses.

 Can you make sense of it?
 
 From evening mist to morning dew.
 From the warm afternoon to the freezing night.
 From the hopeful greeting to the mournful parting;
 
 I wait.

 Nothing but

 The ripples of the water,
 The whispers of the wind,
 The echoes of a clinking.
 
 In the distance,
 Far off.
 So far,
 
 A fading echolalia…

 It’s not you,
 It’s not real,
 It’s just my mind…
 
 So deeply anchored;
 So deeply entrapped;
 So deeply enchanted:

 That no one can distract. 
 
 Except songs,
 Except stories,
 Except stanzas 
 
 Of something that doesn’t dare exist. 

28/10/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
There’s no point in living in that palace full of roses and birds
There’s no point in living in that far off land between here and there.
There’s no point in living in dreams that keep on slipping through my fingers.

 This is what I keep on writing.
 
 Yet in the velvety rain,
 Yet in the cottony mist,
 Yet in the embroidered forest,

 I lose my way.
 
 Waves, waves.
 
 Wind in my hair.
 Wind, wind,
 
 Waves at my feet.

 Waves,
 Layers,
 Eons.

 Does time still exist?
 
 If I were contained
 
 Within brick walls
 Within ciment cities
 Within uranium bars,

 I could forget this dream.
 
 My eyes on the prize,
 My hands never idle.
 My mind never my own.

 Belonging
 
 Mind & body,
 Hands and feet,
 Heart & soul,

 To what can only be seen.
 To what can only be held.
 To what can only be contained.
 
 But I am free.
 
 One of those birds that can never stay,
 But always comes back. 
 
 Dew on my skin,
 Salt on my lips,
 Glimmer in my eyes.
 
 I can see beyond
 
 Their walls 
 Their cages
 Their bars.

 Can’t you?
 No you cannot.
 
 You cannot see the palace of the birds.
 You canot see the primordial promise.
 You cannot see the birth of our love.

 You were there,
 But you are gone now.
 
 Oh but I saw it… 
 
 Feathers,
 Glimmer,
 and softness

 Your soul.

 I noticed you.
 I recognized you.
 I beckoned you.
 
 And you ran. 
 
 Leaving me to my
 
 Palace of roses and birds 
 Cabin by the river and woods,
 Dream of the past and the future.
 
 I tend my fire.
 I weave my life.
 I light my night.
 
 And you keep on running.

27/10/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 No I don’t think about you.
 

 These afternoons feel like summer. 
 These nights feel like winter.
 Scalding yet freezing. 
 

 No I don’t think about you.
 

 I point to no one in particular : the mushrooms and their church hats.
 I point to my own self : the primrose with their may queen dresses.
 Spring in Autumn, Autumn in Spring.
 

 Nothing is black or white.
 Nothing is stone and water.
 Nothing is dry and clear.
 

 Lovers sitting by the road.
 

 A man brushing the tendrils from his darling’s face.
 A young woman brushing her fingers against his arm. 
 

 Lovers sitting side by side. 
 

 No I don’t think about you.
 

 I look at his face and his gaze.
 I look at her face and her smile. 
 I look into myself and wonder…
 

 How does it all work?
 

 How to love?
 How to be loved?
 

 How doest it all work?
 

 I smile at them as I walk by,
 I am not here.
 Only they are here.
 

 The power of love,
 

 How soft!
 How strong!
 How blissful!
 

 No, I don’t think about you.
 

 I leave the lovers behind,
 I leave the leavers behind.
 I leave love behind.
 

 And by the fields, 
 

 He comes straight for me.
 He asks for me pleadingly. 
 He doesn’t let me leave.
 

 Soft,
 Fluffy,
 Wet.
 

 Black and white,
 Tail raised high,
 Face nestled against my boot. 
 

 I melt,
 As he melts.
 

 What is love?
 

 An innocent flutter.
 A gentle breeze.
 And sunshine.
 

 No I don’t think about you.
 

 The cat is left behind.
 The dogs chasing it away. 
 The dog is left behind.
 

 Up ahead,
 Down the street, 
 Far across 
 

 Lives a company of birds.
 

 They know my name,
 They know my step,
 They know about the road I take.
 

 The follow me,
 

 Asking about love.
 Asking about you. 
 Asking about my heart.
 

 Soon they will leave.
 Where to?
 

 Through the desert and the sea.
 Through the mountains and the forest.
 Through the curtain of loss and forgetfulness.
 

 Soon they will leave.
 To find you.
 

 No, I don’t think about you.
 

 The blue blue sky is empty.
 The dark dark earth is upturned.
 The grey grey road is beckoning me.
 

 Go, go on.
 Come, come on.
 Leave, leave on.
 

 Soon I will leave.
 Where to?
 

 Through fields and woods,
 Through valleys and gorges.
 Through hills and dusty cities.
 

 Soon I will leave.
 To find myself.
 

 No, I don’t think about you.
 

 Why would I?
 

 When lovers mock you.
 When cats compete with you.
 When birds can find you.
 

 No, I don’t think about you.
 

 You are in the falling leaves.
 You are in the drooping roses.
 You are in the forgotten moss.
 

 You never leave.
 You never return.
 You never speak.
 

 That man by the curb.
 That face by the door.
 That hand by my own.
 

 No I don’t think about you.
 

 But you keep on drifting back to 
 

 The streets I cross.
 The cafés I haunt.
 The life I never lived.
 

 No I don’t think about you.
 

 Autumn is yours.
 The season of a first glance.
 The season of a last glance. 
 

 But every season has its season.
 

 Come and gone,
 Like a dream.
 

 Come and gone, 
 Like a celebration. 
 

 Come and gone,
 Like a wisp of wind.
 

 No I don’t think about you.

24/10/19 – Sunset

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 Dear loyal friend,
 Dear bosom friend
 Dear sister friend.
 
 There is so much I cannot say.
 
 We’ve walked side by side for so long.
 We’ve struggled side by side for so long
 We’ve danced side by side for so long.
 
 I know the meaning behind
 
 Your smile
 Your frown
 Your countenance.
 
 And you know why
 
 I turn my head 
 I laugh so loud
 I sign so low.
 
 You know me as I know you.
 You’ve known me as I’ve known you.
 
 But lately,
 
 The curtain of rain has been drawing us apart
 The curtain of vines has been drawing us apart.
 The curtain of mists has been drawing us apart.
 
 The wild current of the river, never letting us find each other.
 
 At the first clearing,
 At he first island
 At the first sunshine 
 
 We’d find each other.
 
 By the campfire,
 By the coffeepot
 By the busy street,
 
 We’d share woes and lows 
 We’d share highs and heights 
 We’d share laughter and tears 
 
 Joined forever by
 
 Sisterhood
 Humanity
 Unity.
 
 We were on the same dumbfounding path.
 We were fighting the same creepy-crawlers.
 We were cutting through the same shrubs.
 
 We spoke the same language.
 We spoke of the same toils.
 We spoke with the same words.
 
 What was different was 
 
 A crown,
 An extra layer
 An enhancement. 
 
 We nourished each other from those
 
 Divergences
 Differences 
 Disagreements…
 
 All brought us together.
 
 But nowadays
 
 The forest is too thick
 The mist is too heavy
 The shrubs are too dense.
 
 And the clearings are rare.
 
 The campfire is but embers.
 The coffeepot is full bitterness
 The street is full of strangers.
 
 And your face is that of a stranger.
 
 Do you understand me?
 Do you hear my distress?
 Do you hear my inner joy?
 
 I hear no echoes in your voice.
 I see no reflection in your eyes 
 I see no familiarity in your smile.
 
 Perhaps its is only me….
 
 Who has lost my way.
 Who has lost my name.
 Who has lost my own face. 
 
 To find a new one.
 
 Change,
 I’ve been praying for it.
 
 Change,
 I’ve been striving for it.
 
 Change,
 I’ve been bracing for it.
 
 Change
 Oh Lord, how different it is from what I thought it’d be.
 
 Change,
 Oh Lord how different is its pace from what I thought it’d be.
 
 Change,
 Oh Lord, how different is its price from what I though it’d be.
 
 My friends,
 My fellowship,
 My sisters….
 
 I am not leaving you behind.
 You have left me behind.
 
 I am not leaving you ahead,
 You have left me ahead.
 
 I am not leaving you,
 You have already left me.
 
 Too tired to run after you,
 To catch up.
 
 Too tired to use a lexicon
 To understand you.
 
 Too tired to use a foreign language 
 To explain myself.
 
 Tell me,
 
 Do you try too?
 Do you feel tired too?
 Do you feel left behind too?
 
 Or is it just me.
 Always me.
 Only me.
 Me.
 
 No blame,
 No claims 
 No constraints.
 
 Just, 
 
 Exhausted
 Drained
 Empty.
 
 Over.
 
 Under the stars 
 I carry our fond memories.
 
 Under the moonlight,
 I carry our pledges of loyalty. 
 
 Under the sunlight,
 I carry my love for you.
 
 In the pages of a book,
 In the lyrics of a song,
 In discourse with my Lord,
 
 I find 
 
 Understanding
 Common ground.
 Solace.
 
 With strangers,
 With people I’ve never known,
 With my invisible God
 
 I am never alone. 
 
 But you,
 
 Dear sisters,
 Dear kinswomen,
 Dear confidants,
 
 Our paths have diverged a long long time ago.
 
 You are so beautiful. 
 Your joy is so graceful.
 You are braver than wolves.
 
 I watch you go…
 
 This time I don’t run after you.
 This time I don’t call after you.
 This time I don’t pull you to me.
 
 Your face is turned towards
 
 Your own challenges.
 Your own joys.
 Your own dark hours.
 
 I smile,
 I wave
 and blow kisses.
 
 But you don’t even glance behind.
 
 Another last look,
 Another prayer for you,
 Another poem for us.
 
 Farewell. 
 
 I turn to my own path.
 I turn to my own fate.
 I turn to my own joy.
 
 Perhaps, now you’re looking at me.
 Perhaps now you are sending me blessings.
 Perhaps now you are wondering about where I have disappeared. 
 
 Oh don’t worry, dear friend, it won’t last.
 
 You will get used to my absence.
 Like I got used to yours.
 
 Absence is not anger.
 Absence is not amnesia.
 Absence is not annihilation. 
 
 … It’s only a benevolent silence. 
 
 Thus, dear friend, 
 
 Keep on moving 
 Keep on going 
 Keep on living…
 
 And maybe one day our paths will cross again. 

24/10/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 The gently swaying foliage,
 The golden and yellowing leaves whispering,
 The great tit and the robin chirping farewell.
 
 How delightful!
 
 My feet grow heavier,
 Roots grow out of my toes,
 Blossom grow in my hair.
 
 A smile,
 A tear,
 And a first step 
 
 Into the next turn
 Into the next path
 Into the next trail.
 
 The road is still long.
 
 I cannot see behind.
 I cannot see forward.
 I can only see here and now.
 
 Your pretty words,
 
 Tangled in soft fluff,
 Laced with earnest sincerity,
 Embroidered on delicate silk,
 
 Your words were hollow.
 
 I knew.
 I waited.
 I knew.
 
 The sun rose and sank behind the hill.
 The moon grew and dwindled above the hill.
 The seasons spread their mantles over the hill.
 
 Afte a last smile,
 
 I walked on.
 I journeyed on.
 I moved on.
 
 Do I hear a flutter in the bough behind me?
 Do I hear a voice calling my name beyond the tree line?
 Do I hear a man wondering why they always leave?
 
 No,
 Just a bluebird
 Just a wisp of wind. 
 Just a last farewell. 
 
 Every clearing bestows a new story.
 Every river bend bestows a new poem.
 Every autumn bestows a new lament.
 
 Oh do not fret,
 
 Sadness makes you grow.
 Melancholy gives you a melody.
 Loss offers you more space.
 
 Thunder,
 Wild showers,
 The made race of the wind…
 
 And the storm is over.
 
 Golden hues,
 Honeyed softness,
 Amber glow.
 
 A last dance. 
 
 The storm is over,
 and I go on.
 
 No shade,
 No rain,
 No dew.
 
 The summer never ends.
 
 The urchin jumps into the sea.
 The mermaid swims deep into the sea. 
 The nymph walked out of the sea.
 
 Autumn will never betray us.
 
 Maybe I was wrong,
 Maybe I was right.
 Maybe I was just scared.
 
 All I know is that
 
 The ground is freezing beneath my boots.
 Garlic cloves are growing beneath the dirt.
 Nights are growing so cold and melodious.
 
 But the great tit and his family have left. 
 But the sparrows are too shy to sing at night.
 But the owls are too far deep in the woods to be heard. 
 
 Who is singing?
 The wind, always the wind.
 
 Who is sighing?
 The wind, always the wind.
 
 Who is regretting?
 The wind, always the wind.
 
 Or is it only me?
 
 I cannot breathe deeply.
 I cannot think deeply.
 I cannot commit deeply.
 
 There’s a restlessness 
 
 Keeping me up at night.
 Waking me up at dawn.
 
 There’s a call…
 
 Beating in my heart,
 Twirling in my veins,
 Lurching in my lungs.
 
 Where to?
 When?
 How?
 
 Why wouldn’t you tell me?
 
 The path is
 
 Whirling,
 Twisting
 Turning
 
 Into a spiderweb.
 Into a fortified city
 Into a spiral galaxy 
 
 No straight path or me.
 No simple story for me.
 No hurdle free answer.
 
 Watch me :
 
 Shrug it off.
 Smile it off.
 Dance it off. 
 
 On and on,
 Run & stumble.
 
 On and on,
 Tired & strong.
 
 On and on,
 Lost & driven.
 
 The road is still long.
 
 I will linger today.
 I will stop today.
 I will take it in today.
 
 Bask in the afternoon glow.
 Float in the divinest scent.
 Sing in the a misty landscape. 
 
 Until it’s time to go.
 On and on.

18/10/19

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment 
 Careful word after word,
 Painstaking sentence after sentence,
 Flourishing page after page,
 

 I try to make sense of what you were.
 

 The leaves cover the pits of memory.
 The wax trickles into the hollow hopes.
 The ink always flows over the broken record.
 

 The same old story.
 The same old sentiment.
 The same old questions :
 

 Was it real?
 Was it true?
 Was it divin?
 

 There’s a mansion over a cliff.
 There’s a hall in the mansion.
 There’s a box in that hall.
 

 A music box that plays the same tune forever.
 

 I never go there.
 I hardly go there.
 I seldom go there.
 

 But I still linger in that wide white hall...
 

 For you,
 For me,
 For us.
 

 There I can collect mementos that only mean something to me.
 

 Feathers, white as snow.
 Songs, in foreign languages.
 Rocks, from different valleys.
 

 They all tell the same story.
 

 There can never be enough words.
 There can never be enough colors,
 There can never be enough notes.
 

 To describe what cannot be described.
 

 I keep on telling you that.
 You keep on driffiting.
 

 I sing you into existence.
 I hope you into flesh.
 I write you into posterity.
 

 You kept on telling me I didn’t know you.
 I kept on swearing that I knew you since before time.
 

 To express what cannot be expressed;
 

 I dance each and every meeting we shared.
 I paint every touch we didn’t share.
 I carve every hope we could have shared.
 

 If only,
 If only,
 If only.
 

 Listen,
 The song is playing again.
 

 Listen,
 It doesn’t mater if you don’t understand.
 

 Listen,
 Only your heart can catch the meaning.
 

 Did you ever let your heart listen?
 Did you ever let your soul listen?
 Did you ever let your whole being listen?
 

 Sometimes I wish I didn’t know about
 

 Your frailty
 Your insecurities 
 Your delicate ego.
 

 You thought you escaped before I could see
 

 Clearly
 Lethally
 Objectively
 

 Through your glamor 
 Through your armor 
 Through your ardor.
 

 You thought I’d run at the first glimpse 
 

 Of your bones
 Of your gums.
 Of your sinew.
 

 I see the boy.
 I see the young man.
 And I see the man.
 

 Where am I?
 

 Where you left me.
 Where your forgot me.
 Where you escaped me.
 

 Like a warrior queen,
 

 I never feared facing you.
 I never feared facing myself.
 I never feared facing the truth.
 

 Ugly and beautiful.
 Bold and shy.
 Heavy and light.
 

 But you did,
 Didn’t you?
 

 Like the fisherman and the skeleton lady.
 

 His flight made her cling.
 His terror made her grow.
 His vulnerability made her beautiful.
 

 But you never looked back.
 But you never turned back.
 But you never came back.
 

 To see what you gave birth to.
 To see what you gave growth to.
 To see what you gave beauty to.
 

 You ran,
 and you kept on running.
 and you’re still running.
 

 I started to grow,
 and I kept on growing.
 and I’m still growing.
 

 Like the stuff of nightmares.
 Like the stuff of legends.
 Like the stuff of epic poems.
 

 Roots that grow deeper,
 Trunk that grows thicker,
 Branches that grow higher.
 

 While the wind keeps on blowing,
 

 Leaves out of the way,
 Apples on their way, 
 Blossoms on your way.
 

 And now I see…
 

 How small you were.
 How frail you were.
 How scared you were.
 

 And even now, I forgive you.
 And even now, I esteem you.
 And even now, I love you.
 

 But only your shadow feels my echoes.
 But only the wind hears my praises.
 But only the silence holds my love.
 

 So be it!
 

 Keep on running.
 Keep on flying.
 Keep on fading.
 

 My love will remain. 
 

 Like the froth in the waves 
 Like the clouds in the sky.
 Like the dust in deep space.
 

 Erupting,
 Melding,
 Evolving. 
 

 On and on.
 

 Until the sky is on fire.
 Until the earth is la rug.
 Until the mountains are dust.
 

 And you cannot run anymore.
 

 From your own face.
 From your own fears. 
 From your own feelings.
 

 And Light is everywhere.
 And Love is everywhere.
 And Truth is everywhere.
 

 And we can only yield to it.
 

 Softly, like gauze.
 Gently, like silk.
 Celestially, like a breath. 
 

 Soul to soul,
 Eye to eye,
 Lips to lips.
 

 Entwined.
 Under the gentle Light of Truth.