Only those who know of longing,
Know of that unquenchable thirst.
Only those who know of flying,
Know of that wingless rising.
Only those who know of loving
Know of that untameable bursting.
Thirst,
Rise,
Burst,
My soul,
My wings,
My heart.
How can I write,
When i don’t know?
How can I think,
When I don’t understand?
How can I breathe,
When I don’t have oxygen?
Like a forgotten satellite,
Like a forgotten moon,
Like a forgotten comet,
Never to gravitate,
Never to circumambulate
Never to attain
That prized star,
That secret chasm,
That perfect immensity.
I was looking for what cannot be seen.
I was thirsting for what cannot be touched.
I was dying for what cannot be heard.
By my five senses.
By my human existence.
By my mundane reality.
I found you instead.
Shivering,
Earnest,
Stumbling.
A quivering soul
awing from His Gaze
A shimmering soul
glowing from His Touch
A lulling soul
echoing His Message.
Human,
Mortal,
Imperfect.
Just like me.
My quest became a tumult
My goal became a memory,
My destination became a blur.
I am still too unripe
I am still too bedewed
I am still too small
To reach for the beyond.
And yet,
even that human gaze,
even that human touch,
even that human voice
remains unattainable.
Keeping me adrift
Keeping me afloat
Keeping me around.
I cannot fly,
I cannot run,
I cannot walk.
I remain here.
In this rivulet of love,
in this drop of passion,
in this trickling of hope.
Please,
Please,
Please
I beseech Thee.
I beg Thee.
I plead Thee.
My Lord,
My Creator,
My Love,
Let me be a woman
Let me be a lover
Let me be a human
And taste,
What angels cannot,
What spirits cannot,
What nuns cannot,
and what all ordinary human beings have.
A human comfort,
A human touch,
A human love.
The ever expanding universe
The ever collapsing sun
The ever revolving earth
are too big for me.
Your Mercy
Your Omnipresence,
Your Abundance
are too much for me.
A drop,
A fleck,
A flicker,
are more than enough for hundred lifetimes.
My soul shivers,
My heart quivers,
My bones thrill.
How can I know of,
Divine completion,
Divine embrace,
Divine love,
When I haven’t fully tasted human love?
Like a berry ripen too late
in the morning frost.
Like a rose blooming too early,
in the alpine wind.
Like a hope whispered too loud,
in the end of a story.
Is it too late for me?
Will I become a tale?
Will I become a thread?
Will I become a regret?
In this ever expanding tapestry?
I do not know.
How,
When,
and why.
Only One knows.
Thus,
My every breath,
My every words,
My every poems,
are a prayer to Him.
Who created me.
Who formed me.
Who guides me,
back to Him.
Breathe in,
On your path, you will find a rose,
Breathe out,
You will choose to pick up that rose.
Hold still,
and you will breathe the fragrance of His Rose.
Layla Ali Sultan 