Category: love

Where is that distance now?

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

March 2021

There is a distance between us.

It’s like the veil of a misty morn.
It’s like the waves of a restless sea
It’s like the silence before dawn.

I keep my words inside a locket.

And when they start to grow.
And when they they start to blossom..
And when the start to bare fruits.

I stitch them with gold into an embroidery.
I give them wings to become prayers.
I give them a rhythm to turn them into a lullaby.

And my heart fills up,
And my heart glow away,
And my heart flow from,

All this unspoken love.

In the wordy whirlwind of this furious world.
In the constant racket of this blind horde.
In the ever growing surfeit of this starving mob,

You are a lulling whisper,
You are a gentle feather.
You are a calm haven.

When you speak,

Your words are seeds.
Your voice is a breeze.
Your prayer is an ease.

How gentle,
How calm,
How silent.

Is this the way Home?

I want to take you to the mountains
I want to dance with you in the waves.
I want to hold you in a thick forest.

Lost,
Wandering,
Lost,

but Home.

Up that slop,
By that beach,
Under those trees,

Let’s build that little cabin.
Lets build that safe fortress.
Let’s build that gentle haven.

A quiet place,

Where we can both heal.
Where we can both grow.
Where we can bot howl.

You and me.
Me and you.
Us.

Distance

stretches
crosses
collapses.

Illusions.

I hear your voice,
even if you are quiet.

You hear my voice,
even if I am far away.

We hear each other’s hearts,
even if we have never collided.

Where is that distance now?

The distance between one galaxy to the other.
The distance from a nucleolus and the membrane.
The distance between a heartbeat and a heartbeatt.

Crumbs,
Dust,
Sigh.

My love,

I am yours.
You are mine.
And we are God’s.

Space,
Time,
Mountains.

Who fears them when you have God on your side?

The Blushing Blossom Must Return

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

28/02/21

The wind brought golden sands, full of regret.
The wind brought bitter cold, full of regret.
The wind brought erring thoughts, full of regret.

And it howls,
Howls.

Chilling my bones.
Chilling my hopes.
Chilling my ropes.

No way out,
No way for you,
No way for me.

I close my eyes.
I let my hair grow.
I let my love bloom.

And I pray,
through sleepless nights.

And I pray,
through endless tears.

And I pray,
Through countless hours.

Will it ever end?

When the wind rose,
When the howl grew,
When the fury blew,

I opened my wings.
I fluttered my feathers
I met the waves.

Waves of hurling fury.
Waves of billowing howls.
Waves of blistering wind.

I met them head on.

I rose,
I fell,
I rose.

Oh my wings are tired,
My Lord.

Oh my wings are tired,
My love.

Oh my wings are tired,
My heart.

And still the storm never ends.
And still the night never ends.
And still the wait never ends.

One more lull,
full of beauty.

One more dawn,
full of hope.

One more summit,
full of glory.

The mysterious violets must return.
The blushing blossom must return.
The wandering bird must return.

And they do,
as promised.

My hair grew longer,
My songs grew longer,
My nights grew longer.

Waxing
Glowing
Waning

Time went on.

I now walk through the woods,
And stand still by the oak.

I now walk through the garden,
And smell intently by the shrub.

I now walk through the streets,
And listen deeply by the busy road.

Will you return too?
As promised.

The wind scatters.
The howl whispers.
The fury withers.

I can hear the birds singing they return.
I can smell violets celebrating their return.
I can see red and pink gems dotting the twigs.

There’s a sweet scent in the air.
There’s a golden hue in the horizon.
There’s a splash of color in the path.

I smile,
as I greet my friend the great tit.

I whisper,
as I greet my friend the robin.

I laugh,
as I greet my friends the sparrows.

Oh my heart is full.

The cold breeze lulls me.
The gentle tweets lull me.
The soft shoots lull me.

Life has a way of surviving the stangest of winters.

Chirp,
Chirp, my friends.

Cheep,
Cheep, my friends.

Chirrup,
Chirrup my friends.

Birds,
Trees,
Flowers…

Perhaps you know the answer to my question…

But I am not given the keys.
But I am not allowed to understand.
But I am not shown the pattern.

So I smile.

I dig and sow.
I cut and clear.
I fill and cover.

Spring is but the beginning.

The first spark,
The first sprout,
The first rosebud.

There will be many leaves to admire.
There will be many flowers to gather.
There will be many fruits to taste.

So much life around me,
So much life within me,
So much life over me.

Covering me,
Nestling me,
Carrying me,

Like waves,
Like a current,
Like a trickle.

Peaceful yet wistful.
Hopeful yet distrustful.
Trusting yet fearful.

Dancing with the golden sunshine,
Dancing with the fluttering bushes.
Dancing with soft longing.

And hoping…

You will turn that corner.
You will tear that page.
You will taste that courage;

And find me,

Beneath the blue and golden sky.
Beneath the sleepy and thriving trees.
Beneath the canopy of dreams and prayers.

Dear Lord,
Will You show him the way?

Before the wind returns.

Shiver Of Your Wings

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

01/02/21

Every day
In a flutter he would show up.

Every morn
In a hush he would sing up.

Every afternoon,
In a twirl he would fly up.

Today,
He didn’t.

Flame hearted Robin,
Gentle voiced Robin,
Faithfully winged Robin,

Where are you?

In your far off city,
By your far off lake,
In your far off battle,

You remain.

There’s a witch in the woods.
There’s a fairy in the mountains.
There’s a lady in the last refuge.

She weeps.
She prays.
She sings.

All the sparrows know her song.
All the great tits recount her song.
All the blackbirds carry her song.

It’s always the same lament.
It’s always the same refrain.
It’s always the same sigh.

On it’s only a whisper!
Oh it’s only a breath!
Oh it’s only a breeze!

Soft, so soft,
On the warrior’s face.

Gentle, so gentle,
In the wanderer’s dreams.

Still, so still,
In the knight’s eroding faith.

Oh darkness is growing!

Such a bitter darkness,
Such a familiar darkness,
Such a cold cold darkness.

And she shivers by her fireless hearth.
And her gaze searches through the curtain less window.
And her soul whisper through the timeless distance.

Oh love, my love.
Oh my own, my own.
Oh my knight, my knight.

Are you in trouble?
Are you wounded?
Are you fading?

My brave shivering robin
My glowing fading star
My gentle strong knight.

Have you lost your way?
Have you lost your aim?
Have you lost your fire?

Here,
take my hand.

Here,
take my prayer.

Here,
take my candle.

Her whispers are hoarse.
Her lips are parched.
Her eyes are drowning.

Drowning,
My Lord.

So far,
So helpless,
So blind,

How can she help her love?

Pray, pray my daughter,
chant the woods.

Pray, pray my mother,
sings the brook

Pray, pray my sister,
chirp the birds.

There is no other way.

Prayer
Patience
Praise.

And thus, she prays.

What does she asks?
What does she hopes?
What does she whispers?

You must know,
Don’t you?

It’s in the trickle of the rain,
It’s in the shiver of your wings,
It’s on the tip of your fingertips.

Hush,
Hush my favourite.

You must know,
Don’t you?

I am yours and I await your return.
You are His and He protects your steps.

You are mine, and your heart will return to mine.
I am His and He protects my heart.

14/01/21

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

Are those words for me?
Are those roses for me?
Are those sighs for me?

Or are they for the world?
Or are they for your ghosts?
Or are they for your own self?

I sifter through them
I slide through them
I fly through them.

High
High high
High up there.

And I look down.

Is this a sparrow?
Is this a boy?
Is this a crown less king?

I cannot leave.

When your gaze turns inward.
When your words turn inward.
When your battles turn inward.

I fall down…

Like dust on your jacket,
Like a feather in your hair,
Like rain on your cheeks.

Are those my tears?
Are those your tears?
Are those our tears?

If there’s any doubt in your mind.
If there’s any fear in your heart.
If there’s any dust on your soul.

Please remember,

I am yours.

It is for you that I write.
It is for you that I sing.
It is for you that I pray.

In spite of the distance,
In spite of the veil,
In spite of the web,

Between us,

It is all for you.

May I be your shield.
May I be your banner.
May I be your cloak.

May we ride side by side.
May we struggle side by side.
May we pray side by side.

May you find your way home.

From this journey,
From this quest,
From this victory.

It’s not a battle of fists,
It’s a battle of might.

Of the soul against the self,
Of the heart against the darkness,
Of the feather against the steal.

My gentle sparrow.

I watch you through the mirror,
I watch you through the veil,
I watch you through my dreams,

as I struggle too.

Against my self doubts,
Against my nightmares,
Against my bitterness.

Do you know that I struggle too?

I am not a saint of stone and decay.
I am not a maiden of porcelain.
I am not a queen of glass.

I am too small.
I am too gnarled.
I am too cracked,

for perfection.

I hope you remember that,

When you long for me,
When you pray for me,
When you wait for me.

I am not perfect,
You are not perfect
but Our Creator is perfect.

And He knows,
what we don’t know.

So I pray,
Like I hope you pray.

13/01/21

~ Layla ~ 8 Comments

For you,
Only the gentlest thought.

For you,
Only the purest thought.

For you,
Only the kindest thought.

You do not know

How much I protect you
even from my own mind.

How much I pray for you freedom
even from my own hands.

How much I hope for your safety
even from my own heart.

I scattered words around me

Like leaves
Like petals
Like feathers.

Softly gliding.
Gently fluttering.
Silently falling.

I said so much.
I said enough.
I said it all.

And you turned away.
And you came back.
And you turn away.
And you come back.

I read your words
I peer at your photos
I watch the space between each letter.

Like a cracked scrying glass
Like a map for this maze.
Like a faint whisper in the mist.

Like leaves,
Like petals,
Like feathers.

He loves me.
He loves me not.

He forgets me.
He forgets me not.

He breaks me.
He breaks me not.

One message,
I beam.

No message,
I scatter.

A sunflower,
I flutter.

Soft,
Gentle,
Ghostly,

but here.

My love,

Let me be your moonbeam,
Let me be your sunshine,
Let me be your little bird…

Like one that has forgotten how to flutter.
Like the one who has forgotten how to hope.
Like the one who has forgotten how to sing,

nestled in your chest.

If I were a bird,
you could hear me sing.

If I were a rose
You could see me bloom.

If I were the sea,
You could feel my caress

But I am only a woman,

So far away,
So so far away.

08/01/21

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

Only those who know of longing,
Know of that unquenchable thirst.

Only those who know of flying,
Know of that wingless rising.

Only those who know of loving
Know of that untameable bursting.

Thirst,
Rise,
Burst,

My soul,
My wings,
My heart.

How can I write,
When i don’t know?

How can I think,
When I don’t understand?

How can I breathe,
When I don’t have oxygen?

Like a forgotten satellite,
Like a forgotten moon,
Like a forgotten comet,

Never to gravitate,
Never to circumambulate
Never to attain

That prized star,
That secret chasm,
That perfect immensity.

I was looking for what cannot be seen.
I was thirsting for what cannot be touched.
I was dying for what cannot be heard.

By my five senses.
By my human existence.
By my mundane reality.

I found you instead.

Shivering,
Earnest,
Stumbling.

A quivering soul
awing from His Gaze

A shimmering soul
glowing from His Touch

A lulling soul
echoing His Message.

Human,
Mortal,
Imperfect.

Just like me.

My quest became a tumult
My goal became a memory,
My destination became a blur.

I am still too unripe
I am still too bedewed
I am still too small

To reach for the beyond.

And yet,

even that human gaze,
even that human touch,
even that human voice

remains unattainable.

Keeping me adrift
Keeping me afloat
Keeping me around.

I cannot fly,
I cannot run,
I cannot walk.

I remain here.

In this rivulet of love,
in this drop of passion,
in this trickling of hope.

Please,
Please,
Please

I beseech Thee.
I beg Thee.
I plead Thee.

My Lord,
My Creator,
My Love,

Let me be a woman
Let me be a lover
Let me be a human

And taste,

What angels cannot,
What spirits cannot,
What nuns cannot,

and what all ordinary human beings have.

A human comfort,
A human touch,
A human love.

The ever expanding universe
The ever collapsing sun
The ever revolving earth

are too big for me.

Your Mercy
Your Omnipresence,
Your Abundance

are too much for me.

A drop,
A fleck,
A flicker,

are more than enough for hundred lifetimes.

My soul shivers,
My heart quivers,
My bones thrill.

How can I know of,

Divine completion,
Divine embrace,
Divine love,

When I haven’t fully tasted human love?

Like a berry ripen too late
in the morning frost.

Like a rose blooming too early,
in the alpine wind.

Like a hope whispered too loud,
in the end of a story.

Is it too late for me?

Will I become a tale?
Will I become a thread?
Will I become a regret?

In this ever expanding tapestry?

I do not know.

How,
When,
and why.

Only One knows.

Thus,

My every breath,
My every words,
My every poems,

are a prayer to Him.

Who created me.
Who formed me.
Who guides me,

back to Him.

Breathe in,
On your path, you will find a rose,

Breathe out,
You will choose to pick up that rose.

Hold still,
and you will breathe the fragrance of His Rose.

02/12/20

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

The room is warm behind me
The window is cold in front of me.

But I don’t look away.

The magpies in their cocktail dresses.
The great tits in their matching smokings.
The robin with her pinafore and a bleeding heart.

And beyond them, the woods.
And beyond them, the roads,
And beyond them, the streets.

Never-ending streets

That brought me here.
That lead me nowhere.
That took them away.

Watched some of them go,
Cheered some as they went,
Missed some who fled away.

I drink my coffee from your forgotten mug,
I wrap myself in the shawl you made for me,
I write in the notebook you gifted me.

I remember the voices.
I remember the jokes.
I remember the tears.

It’s not a goodbye,
It’s not an ending,
It’s not a last page.

There’s a long way to the sea.

Maybe tomorrow,
Maybe next year,
Maybe in fifty years,

We’ll laugh again.
We’ll hope again.
We’ll remember again.

Sisters,
Friends,
Fellow human beings.

I hope you remember the warmth.
I hope you remember the dreams.
I hope you remember the prayers.

That we shared.
That we shall share forever.

In distant echoes,
In loud memories,
In gentle smiles.

I will carry you with me.
I will weave you over me.
I will keep you in my words.

Until then,

I listen to the wind whispering to the trees.
I breathe in the rich scents of autumn.
I watch the birds chatter, leave and return.

And when it’s too cold,

I crawl to my hearth,
I huddle under the eiderdown.
I warm my heart with words.

Stories,
Song,
Sighs

of what is sure to come.

My own flight.
My own knight.
My own heights.

Dear sisters,

One day,
It will be my turn.

And he will be kind.
And he will be gentle.
And he will be true.

… With him, I will also find

Contentment.
Felicity.
Joy.

And a hand in mine.
And a face against mine.
And a breath mingling with mine.

Our very own path through the woods…

To wherever our hearts take us to.
To wherever our prayers take us to.
To wherever our Lord take us to.

Home.

0809/11/20

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

Do you know,
that you’re the only one who knows the secret path?

Do you know,
that you’re the only one who knows the secret spell?

How did you find the way,
Through the forbidding forest?

How did you find the way,
Through the sharp mountain range?

How did you find the way,
Through the dark abyss?

How did you?

Find the hidden realm.
Found the last refuge.
Found the sacred hearth.

And then leave?

How do you hear,
the words I never say?

How do you feel,
the kisses I cannot give?

How do you understand,
the foreign language I cannot speak?

It cannot be,
How can it be?

It’s just the whisper of the leaves,
It’s just the sigh of the night owl,
It’s just the last song of the robin.

Only a hymn to hope.
Only the prayer of a dreamer.
Only the tendrils of a story.

And yet.

It courses through my veins like a jolt.
It burns through my recitation.
It crumbles my strongest resolve.

Dear Creator,
The First,
The Last…

Did you allow me this tender bliss?

Or am I straying

into the well.
Into the dam
Into the ditch.

Tell me,
tell me.

Is this the man You created for me.
Am I the woman You created for him.

Is it this the relief
Is this the refuge
Is this the respite

You have planned for us?

Or is it just,

a last dance
a last test

before I’m, Yours.

08/11/20

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

All my friends are here,

The sparrows
The great tits,
The magpie.

They sing about their day,
They ask for more rice,
They praise their creator

I feel like waving at them,
I feel like hugging them,
I feel like calling them,

But I don’t.

One wrong move,
One wrong stance,
One wrong word,

and they will fly away.

Like you.

But there’s a breeze…

And in a flutter,
They return.

And with a tweet,
They return.

And with a peck,
They return.

Just like you.

The trees are bare.
The walls are silent.
The ground is cold.

When they are gone.
When you are silent
When I am alone.

Alone, so alone.

I don’t miss the crowds.
I don’t miss the roars.
I don’’t miss the chatter.

I miss,
Flesh and bones.

I miss
Warmth and truth.

I miss,
Soul and heart.

You,
and the birds.

You,
but not them.

You.
and not people.

I never tell you,
I never reveal to you,
I never show to you,

How much I miss your presence.

Too afraid of your flight.
Too afraid of your fright.
Too afraid of your fears.

Will they push me away?
Will they send me away?
Will they lock me away?

As you watch silently.

I don’t listen to those fears.
I don’t listen to those lies.
I don’t listen to those ghosts.

I greet my friend with a smile.

They flitter by.

Flickering golden leaves on the ground.
Finishing the last crumbs of my lunch.
Fluttering the thin branches of my cherry tree.

How gentle,
How soft,
How sweet!

I tend my hearth.
I tend my hurts.
I tend my heart.

And sweep the crumbles leaves away.
And dig out the tiny radishes from the earth.
And root in garlic for next summer.

Wrapped in my own melody.

The sun filters through the tattered curtain of foliage-
The sun filters through the tangled curtain of my hair.
The sun filter through the misty curtain in my mind.

That evanescent glow,
That fading glow,
That precious glow,

makes me rise and dance.
makes me glimmer and grow.
makes me dream and hope.

The beauty of a quiet autumn afternoon.

I wish,
I pray,
I hope,

to spend it with you.

Will the chirps make you want to dance?
Will the golden sunset make you want to sing?
Will the shivering trees make you want to hold me?

These are the questions I can never ask.

So I tell my friends,

The red breasted robin,
The woodpecker,
The swallows.

Maybe in a season or two,

A bird will perch on your shoulder.
A bird will peck at your window.
A bird wills settle in your beard

and lull you with a melodious confession.

18/10/20

~ Layla ~ Leave a comment

When I drift into your realm,

I am greeted by a growling dark sky
I am greeted by golden falling leaves
I am greeted by a marching army.

But as I walk in,

No harm
No danger
No spears

are aimed at me.

There’s a sadness lingering in the air
There a bitterness lingering in the river
There’s a gentleness lingering in the birdsongs.

Legends whisper
Echoes wander.
Words fester.

There once used to be a queen in this land.
There once used to be a king on the throne.
So long ago….

The queen is gone.
The king is lost.
So long ago.

No queen,
No crown,
Nothing but bitter defeats.

The king is lost…

Whisper the willow
Repeat the pine
Harp the heather.

I hear
I listen
I ponder

… But I keep on going.

The priestess is here.
The princess is here.
The healer is here.

Unafraid.
Untainted
Untameable

The path opens up under my feet.
The path winds beyond my reach.
The path fades into marshes in front of me.

I wait by a well.

I sing
I weave
I pray

And sure enough,

The embers of dawn
The jewels of dawn
The hope of dawn

You always come.

The wandering king
The wounded knight
The wayfaring man.

Your hands tremble
Your voice whispers
Your eyes water

Like mine,
Like mine…
My love.

All those songs,
are sung by you.

All those poems,
are written by you.

All those dreams,
are shaped by you.

As the rain falls outside,
Inside we hold each other’s heart.

As the night falls on the world,
Under here we hold each other’s hands.

As the chaos settles on our civilization,
Hidden, we hold on to each other’s soul.

Four seasons for this world,
So many others for us.

Twelve months for this world,
So many others for us.

One year for this world,
So many others for us.

There is time between each second.
There is space between each breath.
There is hope between each word.

I believe it.
Do you?
Do you believe it?

Autumn has come back.

Leaves under our boots.
Warm cups between our hands.
Cold wind through our hair,

Autumn has come back.

Our favourite season.
Our favourite spring.
Our favourite time.

Autumn has come back.

Time is what I cannot hold.
Time is what you need.
Time is what I can give.

Silver tendrils of time,
Carved paths of time,
Rusted gates of time.

Fleeting,
Flying,
Freeing.

When will the past stop
weighing your wings?

When will the past allow
the fluttering of your wings?

When will the past feed
the vigour of your wings?

My wingless sparrow…

When?

I never ask.
I never wonder.
I never add to lead on your wings.

Instead,

I sing another song.
I weave another poem.
I whisper another prayer.

My fingers reaching for yours.
My heart turning to yours.
My dreams looking for yours.

This realm of yours is enchanted.

I cannot move further.
I cannot move back.

Cannot say goodbye.

Thus,

The kingdom remains quiet.
The knight remains there.
The maiden remains here.

Maybe tomorrow the sun will rise high,
Maybe tomorrow the robins will sing high.
Maybe tomorrow your spirit will soar high.

And you will believe in love again.